For those of us of a certain age, perhaps the happiest memory of far off school days is witnessing a falling out between the number one bully and the number two bully as they knocked lumps out of each other in the playground. The resultant disappointment of a spoil sport teacher separating them is now assuaged by the goings on at the Royal Courts of Justice.
As the net closes on those responsible for wrong doing at News International, only the most bone headed Flashman would be stupid enough not to realise that when fighting to maintain his position, the gloves would soon be off for Murdoch and the knives would be out for Cameron. The dirty digger takes no prisoners and we can be sure that the 163 pages of emails implicating government conspiracy in the BSkyB take over and released when the boy child was feeling the heat at Leveson, are just a tiny proportion of the dirt the digger can dish.
The Right Honourable Member for South West Surrey, former head boy of Charterhouse, Secretary of State for Culture and possibly the most accurate Spoonerism ever uttered might now be regretting his offer to hold the coats of the battling tyrants. Jeremy Hunt, in quasi-judicial mode, is deaf to the bells tolling his imminent plunge from the parapet of the Palace of Westminster. It would seem unfair to suggest that this inept, biased, incompetent, complete and utter bastard would sacrifice his “special” advisor Adam Smith to the wolves in order to save his own very thin skin. It might seem unfair, but it is, sadly, true.
Describing Hunt as that shifty looking bloke on the government front bench with flames billowing out of his trousers would not, at the moment, be terribly helpful. That portrayal could apply to the entire coalition of villains currently filling voluminous trouser pockets with cash as they systematically dismantle the state. Given that collusion between politicians and corporate vested interests is a tradition as old as even the oldest profession, Cameron`s assertion to the house that he can see no evidence of at least three breeches of the ministerial code rings hollow. Under the disgraceful passage of the Welfare Reform Bill into law, Cameron`s bogus deafness and blindness needs to be investigated by the unqualified, incompetent and profit led firm ATOS, currently removing benefits from the sick, the disabled and the terminally ill.
In a desperate attempt to buy time to burn the evidence, a Prime Minister who promised open, transparent, accountable and open government has now been caught with his pants down and it will not be long before foresters are summoned to the commons to chop off the legs of ministers to create fire breaks to prevent the wild fire of lies spreading from trouser to trouser. Leveson, it seems, will provide all the answers.
The tactic of handing the embarrassing, little inconvenience of Jeremy Hunt`s improper and possibly illegal activities to Mr Justice Leveson is really rather clever. The remit and mandate of the Leveson Inquiry is to investigate the probity, legality and ethical standards of the media. Finding any evidence of morality, particularly in the case of the Murdoch family and their minions, is understandably taking a very long time and when my noble lord finally publishes his findings, the blood bath of local elections will be long forgotten and we will all be enjoying 60 glorious years and an egg and spoon race in a locked down London sponsored by McDonalds.
Cameron is an expert on remits and mandates having failed to win an election and succeeded in destroying a nation. In is not within the duty of Leveson to rule on the impropriety of ministers, that is the role of the Cabinet Secretary and the Prime Minister himself, so Hunt seems likely to take his place at the opening ceremony celebrating junk food, corporate greed, cheats and liars. The delicious irony of the Leveson inquiry, commissioned by David Cameron, is the fact that the noble Lord will present his findings to none other than the Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport who, at the time of writing, remains employed and is currently yet to help the Metropolitan Police with their inquiries.
Hunt and Cameron have stated that all records of communication between government and News International that might or might not exist and might or might not have been accidentally lost or erased, will be made available to Leveson. If that is the case and if the inquiry at the Royal Courts of Justice is now the only instrument of government scrutiny, will Michael Gove submit his private email traffic between his department and the corporate sharks making a bundle out of his disastrous academy programme? Will the repulsive Andrew Lansley publish his contacts and beneficial remuneration with private health care companies and the odious Richard Branson and the equally evil Serco regarding profiteering from the NHS sell off? Once it starts to flow, that is a tide that even Hameron and Cnut cannot stop.
All this is very unlikely, but, as Quasimodo might have observed: “The bells, the bells. Will these dreadful alarm bells ever stop ringing?”