Taking and driving away

Image via guardian.co.uk

In a time of enforced and unnecessary austerity, shortages are inevitable. There are simply not enough swear words to describe this disastrous coalition government. However…

Section 12 of the Theft Act 1968, concerns itself with taking a motor vehicle or other conveyance without authority. This, as is the way of so many other legal niceties, has been abbreviated to “Taking Without Owner`s Consent” or TWOC. At last, my Lords, ladies, gentlemen and children, we have a new descriptor for the vile bastards that are ruining this country. Placed somewhere between a “twit” and a rooster (geddit?) this perineum word exemplifies everything that is wrong with this nation. Cameron, Osborne, Clegg and their perverted familiars as well as their friends, benefactors and donors in the cess pit known as “The City” and a feeble opposition that does nothing in the face of ruin are complete, unrepentant, scurrilous twocs.

The Theft Act was amended in 1978 and then further redefined by the Fraud Act of 2006. This particularly elegant piece of legislation provided a statutory definition of criminal fraud based on three criteria. Section Two deals with fraud by false representation in terms expressed or implied untruths or misleading statements. Section Three covers the failure to disclose information that should be legally available and Section Four defines fraud by abuse of position where an individual in a position of trust is expected to safeguard the financial interests of other individuals. Given the robust nature of this legislation, one wonders why all the coalition cabinet twocs have not been carted off to the nearest nick for questioning under all three relevant sections of the Fraud Act. Without any mandate to govern, parliamentary immunity from prosecution does not apply.

This week, Cameron has defended massive bonuses to bank executives who created the mess we are in and continue to create huge losses. In the case of Royal Bank of Scotland, bailed out by the tax payer, a £5.2billion loss deserves twoc bonuses of £600million. Chief Twoc at RSB Stephen Hester says that he and his greedy, inept fraudsters are doing a “good job”. Lloyd`s Bank, again bailed out by the tax payer, have also posted a huge loss and are awarding humongous pay outs to yet more twocs. Our Prime Minister, well versed in false representation, abuse of power and failure to disclose information, justifies this criminality by saying that not paying million pound bonuses to incompetent and greedy twocs will drive them away and so jeopardise the UK economy. Cameron is a bare-faced liar. The national debt has increased and the national deficit has increased and national borrowing is going through the roof. The BBC says everything is fine. The pound has fallen in value because of a surprise fall in manufacturing and not the removal of AAA credit rating and that any attack on bankers bonuses come from those evil foreigners in the EU.

Well, for twocs sake, it is the twocing bankers that have twoced up the twocing economy and a complete twocer like Cameron and his twocing mate Osborne are so twocing stupid that they cannot differentiate a twoc and a sad, futile wet bank. These people are complete cucking funts.

Oh, that`s better. Claiming that paying vandals vast amounts of money not to smash up your restaurant is obviously derived from Bullingdon Club philosophy and is more appropriate when selecting a new Pope, Italian government or even a successor to a departed head of the Cosa Nostra. People being evicted from their homes, being made redundant and seeing their businesses going down the pan might have a different message to “the markets” that the idiots we didn`t elect are so frightened of. The message to these vital entrepreneurs is twoc off to Saudi Arabia and see what happens when you twoc up their economy.

The flawed logic of our Prime Minister will result in some interesting conclusions. If we need to retain crooked bankers, then we must surely need to retain entrepreneurial drug dealers outside school gates and on street corners. Prostitution, an ancient profession, needs to be encouraged if only to keep Liberal Democrats in the public eye. The Catholic Church must be strong in condemning contraception and homosexuality in case a hard working, dedicated and vital Pope should be driven away from the Vatican. Families who happen to be poor should suffer because we need to retain the criminal twocs running banks and government.

If taking and driving away is a criminal offence, let alone offences under the Fraud Act, then our snake oil salesman Prime Minister and his greedy chums are bang to rights.

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