The Plastic Hippo

October 2, 2014

Taking Tiger Mountain

Via theguardian.com

Via theguardian.com

According to the BBC, if you speak your mind in Hong Kong you are a pro-democracy supporter demanding freedom but, according to the Home Secretary, if you speak your mind in the United Kingdom then you are a murderous terrorist who must be silenced. There can be no better commemoration of the imposition of a ruthless, totalitarian junta than patriotic speeches in Beijing and in Birmingham`s magnificent Symphony Hall.

In terms of simple hilarity, the 2014 Conservative Party Conference has been the most successful celebration of eye watering hypocrisy since communist China`s notorious cultural revolution. The Tory long march to the dismantling of society, the end of compassion and the destruction of common decency concluded with a stirring yet vacuous speech from the most inadequate Prime Minister in living memory. If this wide-boy survives until May it will be conclusive proof that God has a strange sense of humour. (more…)

August 1, 2014

Laws unto themselves

The spin doctor at the back is saying; "He`s good. He just nicked that kid`s lunch and the dinner lady is rolling a big, fat bogie to plop into his rice pudding.

The spin doctor at the back is saying; “He`s good. He just nicked that kid`s lunch and the dinner lady is rolling a big, fat bogie to plop into his rice pudding”.

It is irrelevant to ask who Nicky Morgan is because the correct and only answer is that she is not Michael Gove. Elected to parliament as long ago as 2010, the member for Loughborough`s elevation to a senior office of state came as something of a surprise but the nation`s children can rest assured that nobody, with the possible exception of Rolf Harris, could damage education with the zeal of her creepy and now officially ugly predecessor.

To suggest that Nicky Morgan`s only qualification to be Secretary of State for Education is her lack of a Y chromosome would be maliciously erroneous. Like almost every previous Secretary of State of differing shades of political grey, Qualified Teacher Status or actual classroom experience is not listed on the essential requirements section of the job description. Instead, Ms Morgan`s CV contains invaluable expertise perfectly suited to the coalition government`s education policy. Before entering parliament, Nicky Morgan was a corporate lawyer specialising in mergers and acquisitions. Promoted to equalities minister, she has voted against equal marriage. (more…)

July 5, 2014

Ready to Rumble

Via bbc.co.uk

Via bbc.co.uk

Just when you start to think that politics could not descend any further into the cesspit of disgraceful opportunism, along comes another piece of low life ready to plumb new depths of disrespect.

Wolverhampton councillor Bob Jones was elected as the first Police and Crime Commissioner for the West Midlands on November 15th 2012. He died suddenly on Tuesday 1st July 2014 aged 59. By all accounts and judging from the many tributes paid to him from across the political spectrum, he was very good at his job even though he stated that Police and Crime Commissioners were not a terribly good idea in a mature and open democracy. Those that knew him and even those that politically opposed him are unanimous in their admiration for this good and honest man. (more…)

June 14, 2014

Wake up and smell the coffee

The full English

The full English

Enjoying a breakfast consisting of a croissant and a cup of strong Turkish coffee, a person from Scotland informed me of the news of the day via a radio manufactured in Taiwan. With an elbow resting on the Swedish worktop, I poured another cup of Yemen`s finest from the stainless steel Spanish percolator and considered the question being asked on the radio. British values, it seems, are to be promoted in British schools and the questioner was asking what defines British values.

Responding to a non-existent plot to indoctrinate children into the ways of terrorism, Michael Gove now insists that British values will be actively promoted in schools. He helpfully added that British values include respect and tolerance and liberty and without any sense of shame or irony, the PM chimed in with talk of responsibility. The mouthful of coffee ended up all over the Chinese wok. (more…)

June 10, 2014

The Jumblies

Illustration by L. Leslie Brooke 1871

Illustration by L. Leslie Brooke 1871

The notion of rote learning as espoused by Michael Gove suggests that if you memorise and recite something often enough, then dull repetition will be miraculously converted into knowledge. With sincerest apologies, I will repeat that Michael Gove should face arrest and charges of criminal damage and appear before a court of law with the power to impose a custodial sentence. This man and his apparatchiks are extremely dangerous. (more…)

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