Hednesford Town v Real Madrid

Sir Alex Ferguson via BBC

Contrary to the impression given in some press coverage, Sir Alex Ferguson is not dead; he has risen again and walks the earth in his own likeness. It is business as usual at Old Trafford.

The remarkable record of Manchester United is due to a strong squad, consistency and having enough money to buy as many world class players as are required to win titles. Ensuring a permanent place in the lucrative Champions League is more about business interest that silverware and television rights and gate receipts are the imperative rather than pride in wearing a club shirt. Consistency, in this case, means replacing one dour, disciplinarian Scotsman with another, younger dour, disciplinarian Scotsman.

The migration of David Moyes along the M62 seemed inevitable following a nil-nil draw last week against arch rivals Liverpool resulting in a likely sixth place for Everton and not a place in the Champions League. With comparatively little money and a squad plagued by injury, Moyes has done well to achieve that and logic would indicate that given the considerable resources now available to him, Manchester United will conquer the world, find a cure for cancer and broker a lasting peace agreement in the Middle East. The expectations and the stakes are high. Anyone remember dour, disciplinarian Scotsman Tommy Docherty and what happened at Villa in the late 60`s, Wolves in the mid 80`s and Manchester United being relegated in 1974?

Recently, the excellent Stan Collymore has been expressing common sense regarding the German model for top flight football. This is where supporters have a stake and a voice and ticket prices are held at a sensible level. In the Bundesliga, football clubs are clubs and not simply a business. Another radical idea is a spending cap on transfers and a requirement to field home grown talent nurtured through youth teams. This would create a level playing and end the advantage of teams with rich owners simply buying another thoroughbred when one gets broken or fails. It might also dissuade the wealthy elite buying up promising young players and leaving them in the reserves just to stifle any potential opposition. Ironically, Manchester United pounced on Wayne Rooney, a product of Everton`s youth policy, after he frightened the life out of the United defence in a league game at Goodison Park in 2004.

Villa`s season will go down to the wire against Wigan and still face a mathematical possibility of relegation. With Wolves fans screaming for blood, Walsall did rather well to finish ninth in League One and West Brom will be happy with eighth in the Premier League. Imagine what could be achieved with the spending power of Chelsea, Arsenal, Manchester City or Manchester United. With such disparity, the Champions League will remain a closed shop.

Today, rich Manchester City face poor Wigan Athletic in the FA Cup Final at Wembley but for those fans that support football clubs rather than global marketing brands, there is a potentially more important game today. Local non-league teams have been doing rather well of late, particularly Chasetown, Walsall Wood and Rushall Olympic and today, Hednesford Town are up against FC United Manchester in the Northern Premier League Premier Division play-offs. Ironically, FC United were founded as a protest by Manchester United fans against some of the more dubious financial activities of overseas investors.

These non-league clubs with their loyal fan base do not need a dour, disciplinarian very well paid clone. What they do need next season, is for you to part with a few quid and go and watch them play.

David Moyes via BBC

White van man

Crime, according to official figures, is decreasing in this sceptred isle thanks to the diligence of our hard working constabularies and the ingenuity of some very clever statisticians. We can, at long last, emerge from the dark ages of criminality and sleep soundly in our beds.

That font of all knowledge the Office for National Statistics has decreed that this England, this other Eden, demi-paradise is a more peaceful and safer place than in days of yore. Given the impeccable track record of the ONS proving that employment is rising, benefit claims are down, the deficit is being reduced, government borrowing is at an all time low, the root vegetable crop is the best ever and there are two suns in the sky providing eternal daylight, it seems churlish to question the data. In this precious stone set in the silver sea that is the West Midlands, our local Old Bill are the joint top performing metropolitan force for cutting crime. Offences, it seems, are down by a massive 13 per cent which, in the weird world of statistics equates to an extra 26,437 people able to describe themselves` as being not victims of crime. Obviously extrapolating this calculation suggests that every single crime committed has an impact on more than 2,000 people.

West Midlands Police, in an illuminating press release,

http://www.west-midlands.police.uk/np/walsall/news/newsitem.asp?id=12931

suggest that robbery is down by 30 per cent which is double the national average. Unfortunately the data has not factored in the goings on at Walsall Council House where cabinet members have awarded themselves an increase in allowances as a reward for incompetence and maladministration. A 30 per cent reduction in robberies equates, according to the figures, to a grateful 2,389 people not being robbed. That`s 800 victims per single robbery. Burglary is down by 13 per cent which means that 2,195 will not now need to call their insurance companies or emergency glaziers and the 180 people living in each burgled household will not need stress counselling. Injuries due to violent crime is down by 15 per cent with the happy result that 2,389 victims will not end up spending the night at A and E. That`s a 160 fit and healthy people allowed to live their lives without injury because of a single incidence of violent crime.

The above interpretation of the scant detail is, of course, utterly preposterous but is just as ridiculous as the blue sky thinking of the press consultants employed by the boys in blue. Even the only black cloud has a silver lining. An increase in sexual offences is explained away by a campaign to encourage victims to report such vile crimes. The stats have been spoilt by the victims and not by the perpetrators. There is no data relating to unreported domestic violence, child abuse, racist and homophobic abuse, disability hate crime, casual street violence and white collar fraud. Atos and the DWP, are after all, getting away with murder.

By now, anyone within sniffing distance of a computer will have seen the disturbing footage of a violent and unprovoked physical attack on a cyclist in Moseley. There is little more to say other than that there is clear evidence that a series of crimes were committed. We can argue a defence against dangerous driving; threatening behaviour, common assault, criminal damage, perjury and a variety of public order offences but that would be a futile argument. Because the perpetrator said “sorry”, had no previous convictions and was prepared to cough up some dosh, white van man upset at being slightly delayed by another human being on a bike faces no charges. It is a complete coincidence that recorded crime is decreasing.

When challenged, the plod took to social media to talk of hypothetical “red mist” and Home Office guidelines. One wonders if white van man would have been dealt with so leniently if he decided to attack a copper or, given Home Office guidelines, a constable had witnessed the unprovoked violence and made an arrest. Knock a copper off a bike and you get Tazered. Knock a not a copper off a bike and you will be told not to be a naughty boy. Does anyone remember Andrew Mitchell?

In the face of massive cutbacks, if the police service has to retain any credibility with the public, it should resist Home Office guidelines and prosecute the likes of white van man and protect the vast majority of sensible road users from the idiot who thinks he has a right to the highway regardless of whatever is in his way. The precedent that has been set is rather alarming. I can, if I wish, endanger the life of a cycling police officer when driving my vehicle, stop in the middle of the road to confront him or her, pursue them and punch them to the ground. I can now threaten them with further violence and not suffer the wasteful irrelevance of being charged. As I have no previous convictions and am affluent enough to pay compensation, I will not have my reputation damaged.

It`s not hard to understand why crime is decreasing.

Walsall fantasy football

Image via walsallfcstore.co.uk

Today, Walsall Football Club celebrates 125 years of history, triumph, disaster and survival; year number 126 might just prove to be the best yet.

In 1888, when Walsall Town Football Club merged with Walsall Swifts Football Club to become, unsurprisingly, Walsall Town Swifts, Queen Victoria was on the throne and the Marquess of Salisbury was Prime Minister. The year brought to the world T.S. Eliot, John Logie Baird and T.E. Lawrence and witnessed the passing of Matthew Arnold, Edward Lear and Louisa May Alcott. The Financial Times was first published, Jack the Ripper was doing his worst in and around Whitechapel and Van Gogh cut off a piece of his own ear. More importantly, the Football League was founded. The first 12 clubs included Aston Villa, West Bromwich Albion and Wolverhampton Wanderers. Walsall Town Swifts would become founder members of the Football League Second Division in 1892 and would be renamed as Walsall Football Club in 1896.

The more recent and financially troubled past has been thoroughly documented elsewhere and given the current economic turmoil affecting Cyprus, it might be best

Easter rising 2014

Tank image via mirror.co.uk

In an unprecedented development intended to break the stalemate in the ongoing civil unrest in the United Kingdom, President Bashar al-Assad of Syria has said his government will arm rebel groups determined to remove King David Kham O`ron from power.

Dateline: Damascus. Saturday 19 April 2014.

Former ophthalmologist at the Western Eye Hospital on the Marylebone Road, President al-Assad has stated that the free world cannot continue to stand by and watch as the British people are brutally oppressed by an unelected regime made up of a wealthy, powerful and minority ruling elite. At an emergency summit in Damascus, world leaders passed a unanimous resolution in favour of supplying non-lethal equipment such as body armour, rocket propelled grenades and battle tanks to the beleaguered rebel insurgents. The joint communiqué, signed by the leaders of Syria, North Korea, Somalia, Bahrain, Myanmar and Saudi Arabia, issued a stern warning to the UK junta and a demand that King David O`ron of the Bhullin Don Tribe should stand down with immediate effect. A spokesman for the new coalition against terror said:

And the geek shall inherit the earth

Nick D`Aloisio image via telegraph.co.uk

Consider, if you will, the fortunes of a certain Nick D`Aloisio, a seventeen-year-old computer wizard who has recently become a multi-millionaire.

It seems that this Wunderkind at the age of 15 invented something called an “app” for something called a “smart phone”. Quite what an “app” is, I have no idea and recall with horror the last time I had to replace my mobile phone when some spotty adolescent tried to sell me a video camera, a music system, the launch codes for North Korean nuclear missiles and 24/7 access to Beyonce videos. Explaining that I required a telephone caused the slack-jawed youth some confusion and it was probably a mistake to produce a cheque book to pay for my eventual purchase as this left the awkward child nonplussed with incomprehension. He has probably been emotional scarred for life.