White van man

Crime, according to official figures, is decreasing in this sceptred isle thanks to the diligence of our hard working constabularies and the ingenuity of some very clever statisticians. We can, at long last, emerge from the dark ages of criminality and sleep soundly in our beds.

That font of all knowledge the Office for National Statistics has decreed that this England, this other Eden, demi-paradise is a more peaceful and safer place than in days of yore. Given the impeccable track record of the ONS proving that employment is rising, benefit claims are down, the deficit is being reduced, government borrowing is at an all time low, the root vegetable crop is the best ever and there are two suns in the sky providing eternal daylight, it seems churlish to question the data. In this precious stone set in the silver sea that is the West Midlands, our local Old Bill are the joint top performing metropolitan force for cutting crime. Offences, it seems, are down by a massive 13 per cent which, in the weird world of statistics equates to an extra 26,437 people able to describe themselves` as being not victims of crime. Obviously extrapolating this calculation suggests that every single crime committed has an impact on more than 2,000 people.

West Midlands Police, in an illuminating press release,

http://www.west-midlands.police.uk/np/walsall/news/newsitem.asp?id=12931

suggest that robbery is down by 30 per cent which is double the national average. Unfortunately the data has not factored in the goings on at Walsall Council House where cabinet members have awarded themselves an increase in allowances as a reward for incompetence and maladministration. A 30 per cent reduction in robberies equates, according to the figures, to a grateful 2,389 people not being robbed. That`s 800 victims per single robbery. Burglary is down by 13 per cent which means that 2,195 will not now need to call their insurance companies or emergency glaziers and the 180 people living in each burgled household will not need stress counselling. Injuries due to violent crime is down by 15 per cent with the happy result that 2,389 victims will not end up spending the night at A and E. That`s a 160 fit and healthy people allowed to live their lives without injury because of a single incidence of violent crime.

The above interpretation of the scant detail is, of course, utterly preposterous but is just as ridiculous as the blue sky thinking of the press consultants employed by the boys in blue. Even the only black cloud has a silver lining. An increase in sexual offences is explained away by a campaign to encourage victims to report such vile crimes. The stats have been spoilt by the victims and not by the perpetrators. There is no data relating to unreported domestic violence, child abuse, racist and homophobic abuse, disability hate crime, casual street violence and white collar fraud. Atos and the DWP, are after all, getting away with murder.

By now, anyone within sniffing distance of a computer will have seen the disturbing footage of a violent and unprovoked physical attack on a cyclist in Moseley. There is little more to say other than that there is clear evidence that a series of crimes were committed. We can argue a defence against dangerous driving; threatening behaviour, common assault, criminal damage, perjury and a variety of public order offences but that would be a futile argument. Because the perpetrator said “sorry”, had no previous convictions and was prepared to cough up some dosh, white van man upset at being slightly delayed by another human being on a bike faces no charges. It is a complete coincidence that recorded crime is decreasing.

When challenged, the plod took to social media to talk of hypothetical “red mist” and Home Office guidelines. One wonders if white van man would have been dealt with so leniently if he decided to attack a copper or, given Home Office guidelines, a constable had witnessed the unprovoked violence and made an arrest. Knock a copper off a bike and you get Tazered. Knock a not a copper off a bike and you will be told not to be a naughty boy. Does anyone remember Andrew Mitchell?

In the face of massive cutbacks, if the police service has to retain any credibility with the public, it should resist Home Office guidelines and prosecute the likes of white van man and protect the vast majority of sensible road users from the idiot who thinks he has a right to the highway regardless of whatever is in his way. The precedent that has been set is rather alarming. I can, if I wish, endanger the life of a cycling police officer when driving my vehicle, stop in the middle of the road to confront him or her, pursue them and punch them to the ground. I can now threaten them with further violence and not suffer the wasteful irrelevance of being charged. As I have no previous convictions and am affluent enough to pay compensation, I will not have my reputation damaged.

It`s not hard to understand why crime is decreasing.

Miranda

Citizens of the United States of America enjoy the right to bear arms as enshrined in the Second Amendment to the Constitution and ratified by the Bill of Rights. With just a week having passed since the start of the terrible events in Boston, Massachusetts as a marathon ended, a city in fear can breathe a collective sigh of relief.

With one of the brothers suspected of barbarous atrocity at the finish line dead and the other wounded, in custody and probably close to death, the great city of Boston is again safe. It is difficult to imagine the anxiety and fear generated by two heavily armed, dangerous individuals threatening random and indiscriminate deadly violence. That the affluent suburb of Watertown should endure 24 hours of abject terror and Boston, the cradle of the American Revolution, suffering nearly a week of lock-down is almost beyond comprehension. The deaths, the maiming and the trauma of survivors can never be forgiven and the relief of cheering crowds at the end of the nightmare is perfectly understandable. As they mourn their dead and care for those that were so horribly injured, the rest of humanity stands with them at their time of loss. However, the good people of Boston might wish to consider exactly what else has been lost as a result of this dreadful tragedy.

Walsall Q and A

Do pay attention, Bond

The whole point of a Secret Service is that it should remain secret in exactly the same way that a Public Service should remain public.

In Walsall, however, expedience decrees that open and accountable local government must, for the good of its beneficiaries, draw a discreet veil over some of the more “sensitive” issues that require our busy councillors to devote so much time and energy to resolve. Tonight (Monday), the next episode of the long-running hilarious Sitcom “Full Meeting of Walsall Council” is certain to be the funniest yet. The plot involves some dubious developers, tenacious local citizens, unlawful annexation of public green space, council maladministration causing injustice and the rather sinister behaviour of a mysterious Councillor Q.

Opportunity knocks

Your votes count

Former senior advisor to Bill Clinton and former Chief of Staff in Obama`s White House, current Mayor of Chicago Rahm Emanuel once let slip an insight into the mindset of politicians; bad news, it seems, is always good news.

With unusual candour, the Democrat spin doctor turned Chicago boss man confirmed the motivation of power when he said:

“You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that (is that) it`s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.”

The logical conclusion of this established Machiavellian approach is to maintain control by inventing a crisis when no crisis actually exists.

Never one to shy away from shifting responsibility and never one to miss an opportunity from some bogus tub-thumping, Thursday saw our action man Prime Minister aboard a submarine armed with nuclear weapons. Watching the carefully arranged news footage, an overwhelming instinct to scream; “for God`s sake don`t let him touch anything” was replaced by the chilling realisation that he has the launch codes anyway. Later, he told Scottish manufacturers of weapons we sell to tyrants to kill people that they would not have a job if they voted for independence. To seal the double whammy crisis manufacture, Cameron said:

“North Korea does now have missile technology that is able to reach, as they put it, the whole of the United States, so if they`re able to reach the whole of the US, they can reach Europe too. They can reach us too.”

The rather poor use of English in this statement, but more importantly the breathtaking ignorance of science and geography, suggests that Michael Gove might be correct after all in asserting that standards in education are falling.

But, Michael Gove has his own crisis to engineer

All fools` day

Homeless and hungry image via guardian.co.uk

A good prank is reliant upon there being people stupid enough to believe that spaghetti grows on trees. The basic premise of a successful April fool hoax is plausibility, however preposterous and the implied gullibility of the intended target.

Mercifully, our coalition government has done away with the tedious and not very funny tradition that every first day of April requires the reporting of the capture of the Loch Ness Monster, sightings of Elvis, alien abductions and π being rounded down to three as part of a European Union directive. We are far too sophisticated and intelligent to fall for that same old claptrap. Instead, most of the media including the BBC serve up a constant diet of amusing misinformation, mischievous propaganda and some rounded down porkie pies to keep us in stitches all year round. Pete Townshend was wrong when he claimed that we won`t get fooled again all those years ago. There are still enough credulous innocents out there that believe anything the coalition government says and, in the face of irrefutable proof, believe that spaghetti grows on trees.