The Plastic Hippo

September 15, 2014

Good morning North Korea

Filed under: Fiction,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
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Via scotsman.com

Via scotsman.com

The BBC has today found itself at the centre of controversy as thousands of confused viewers and listener jammed the corporation`s switchboard with complaints of baffling, inaccurate and misleading news reporting. Concerned licence-fee payers noticed that erroneous news items were being broadcast that contained more than the usual disconnection from reality. Important issues were ignored and global events were said to be taking place in completely different parts of the world.

The transcript of one news bulletin obtained by elements of the subversive press indicates the seriousness of the problem. It reads: (more…)

September 8, 2014

Who`s afraid of Fiona Woolf?

Fiona and a friend via theguardian.com

Fiona and a friend via theguardian.com

There was a time when it was relatively simple to kick something toxic into the long grass and be fairly confident that the general populous would not notice the stench. These days, however, with the internet thingy having a long and possibly infinite memory, the rich and powerful need to be more creative when hushing scandal and keeping dirty secrets secret.

The next great big hole being excavated by the judicial JCB will bury once and for all inconvenient allegations of the historic sexual abuse of children by those in power or those close to power. It is impossible to give an estimate on just how high the stakes are in committing to a CSA inquiry, historical or not. The fall-out could be as noxious and have the same half-life of Uranium 238 and so needs a very deep hole and a sarcophagus of about 300 feet of lead-lined concrete. The tactics employed by Cameron and the Home Secretary were beguilingly elegant. (more…)

September 1, 2014

Grandma`s footsteps

Filed under: History,Media,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 12:59 am
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Napolean Crossing the Alps by Jacques-Louis David

Napolean Crossing the Alps by Jacques-Louis David

What`s the time Mr Wolf?

Suffused with a comforting aroma of lavender and loose leaf tea, my dear old and now long gone Grandma was as kind and loving and gentle and as reassuring as only Grandmas can be. She could also, when necessary, become absolutely bloody terrifying.

Like many women of her generation, having lost brothers in the First World War and watched sons march off to the Second World War, she was never likely to tolerate the random slapstick buffoonery of little five-year-old me. A genius at contradiction, her word was unbreakable law and she would defend her “own” against any threat real or imagined. It seems that of her many grandchildren, I was something of a favourite. I have no idea why I should be so blessed but it was always a treat to stay with Grandma as she made the best bread and butter pudding in the world and had a piano in the parlour. For years, I thought the phrase “you little buggeroo” was a term of affection that only applied to me and when Grandma said it was bedtime it was definitely bedtime. (more…)

August 28, 2014

Sutton Hoo?

Something fishy

Something fishy

He might have a lot on his tiny mind at the moment, but it is possible that South Yorkshire PCC Shaun Wright is considering making a large donation to the election fund of the bringer of earthquakes the mighty Douglas Carswell.

As the media hoards exit Rotherham and descend upon Clacton faster than an ex-cabinet minister caught in a boys` home, Mr Wright`s sigh of relief at seeing an empty doorstep when peeking through his curtains can probably be heard as far away as Wormwood Scrubs. Along with missing Nigerian girls, missing Malaysian airliners, missing Prime Ministers, children in Gaza with missing limbs and editors completely missing the point of the Alexis Jay report, by tomorrow the media will be asking Shaun who? (more…)

August 26, 2014

Lesbian lizards from space

Via bbc.co.uk

Via bbc.co.uk

It is surprising how quickly the world returns to normal after a week or so away and once the front door has been forced open against the pile of correspondence and once the countless emails have been ignored, it is almost as if the holiday never actually happened.

Not so this time however. Something in the glue that holds the universe together had changed and something odd seems to have provoked the entire planet to jump the shark. The first clue that the reality bill was overdue came when an anxious teenager deprived of television phoned a friend to find out what happened in the latest episode of Dr Who. Others suffering from cold turkey demanded that the call be placed onto the speaker and we heard this:
“Well the lizard lady and her maid are in a lesbian marriage and living in Victorian London with a miniature version of Eric Pickles, a T-Rex spontaneously combusted and a cyborg that looked like David Cameron was impaled on the top of Big Ben and then went to heaven.” I retreated to the comfort of news websites only to find that the surrealism was pandemic. (more…)

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