The Plastic Hippo

August 17, 2014

Bright young things

Via Getty Images

Via Getty Images

There has been some rather lurid speculation that a small group of Old Etonians are formulating the manner, style and objectives of government but this conspiracy theory is as unbelievable as the outrageous allegations made against famous, white, wealthy middle-aged men and their innocent leisure activities. The power does not derive from Eton but from a little way up the M40 amid the dreaming spires of Oxford.

As sinister Conservative grandees, ambitious cabinet ministers, a scheming opposition and powerful media figures connive, plot and sharpen knives to see who will inherit Cameron`s mess, it is tertiary education rather than an elitist private school than is informing policy. When Boris Johnson was questioned about his feelings that David Cameron achieved a first but he was awarded a lesser degree, the Mayor of London helpfully pointed out that his degree was in Classics and Cameron`s degree was in the “Mickey Mouse” subject of Philosophy, Politics and Economics. Boris seemed to infer that a PPE from Oxford carried as much gravitas as a degree in Media Studies from the University of Oakham and Greater Rutland. (more…)

July 30, 2014

Sober in the morning

Winston Churchill v. Bessie Braddock

Winston Churchill v. Bessie Braddock

When a leader of the opposition feels that it is necessary to give speeches and interviews to apologise for being physically unattractive, the tipping point between reality and abject absurdity has been reached.

In the past, this blog has unashamedly likened Ed Miliband to a whining, adenoidal schoolboy constantly bleating “it`s not fair” after coming last again in the sixth form debating society. This comparison has nothing to do with his physical appearance or even with the tone and timbre of his voice but has everything to do with his unwillingness or inability to effectively challenge the subterfuge, distraction, illegality and whopping great big lies puked out by the Prime Minister and the government front bench. Miliband has consistently missed open goals even after failing to notice that the goal posts have been moved to off-shore tax havens favoured by discerning cabinet ministers. If he had been born with the face of George Clooney, the wit of Stephen Fry, the mind of Stephen Hawking and the toned, perfect body of a plastic hippo, Miliband would still be outflanked by a shallow shyster called Cameron. (more…)

July 11, 2014

Sleep well

Banksy via streetartutopia.com

Banksy via streetartutopia.com

In these dark and perilous hours, my thoughts and prayers are with my fellow British citizens as we face the most grievous emergency to ever threaten the very existence of our proud and free nation.

Hoards of organised criminals, terrorists, perverts and Trade Unionists are openly conspiring to send each other pictures of sodding cats and are communicating via comments about TV programmes that nobody else is watching. It is vital that we remain vigilant against this unspeakable plot and happily wave goodbye to civil liberties justifiably sacrificed on the sacred alter of national security. In David Cameron we have a leader who is at last courageous enough steam roller emergency legislation to allow government free access to every snippet of electronic communication without the unnecessary delay of allowing elected MPs to actually debate or even read the DRIP bill. (more…)

July 8, 2014

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

Filed under: Health,Media,Music,Society — theplastichippo @ 1:00 am
Tags: , ,
Hello? What? Yes I`ve tried that.

Hello? What? Yes I`ve tried that.

As a family, we are experts at dealing with unexpected calamity and the occasional crisis but Sunday proved to be cataclysmic as the full horror of the collapse of internet network connection visited our humble home.

The first horseman of the apocalypse crashed through the roof when an anguished scream was heard coming from an upper storey of the east wing of our small to medium mansion at about lunchtime. Engaged in “blowing away” cyborgs to reach the next level of some surrogate game designed to replace a more sensible passage to manhood, the son and heir issued a loud frustrated expletive when the internet crashed just before he had achieved enough kills to entitle him to deploy cluster bombs. On a previous occasion when male bonding was deemed necessary, I ventured the proposition that if it were a cyborg, then the screen should not be covered with just blood, brains and gore, but that the gloop should also contain the occasional microchip, PCB and possibly a resistor or two. He shrugged, saying that “it`s not real” and then quoted Asimov, Arthur C Clarke and even Descartes. I managed to resist the temptation to slap him round the back of the head. (more…)

June 28, 2014

Journalism is not a crime

Filed under: Politics,Media,History,Law — theplastichippo @ 4:33 am
Tags: , , , , , ,
Three of these people are innocent

Three of these people are innocent

The scandalous detention and outrageous conviction of three Al Jazeera journalists in Egypt is an affront not just to freedom of speech, but is also confirmation that corrupt governments will stop at nothing in attempting to control an independent media or, possibly, the other way round.

More enlightened democratic governments have been quick to whisper their disapproval at journalists being held in cages without any evidence of wrongdoing and have summoned Egyptian ambassadors for a telling off and a preview of the latest lethal weaponry available at a discount for a bulk order. The free press were equally quick to condemn the incarceration of the three Al Jazeera journalists on cooked up charges of “spreading untrue stories”. The BBC`s Director of News, James Harding, told the BBC that; (more…)

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