In Godwin we trust

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Farage?

Put at its simplest, Godwin`s Law postulates that whenever any protagonist in a discussion, debate or argument offers a comparison juxtaposing current events with the German Third Reich, Nazi oppression or fascism in general then all credibility disappears and any argument is automatically lost. The law was formulated in 1990 by a bloke, unsurprisingly, called Mike Godwin who was, and is, a lawyer and an author. His intention was entirely laudable in that his “law” allows for an elegant disengagement of drunken keyboard warriors who inevitably compare anything they disagree with to fascism. More importantly, Godwin`s Law is there to counter internet bores who seem happy to compare, say, traffic wardens to storm troopers and in doing so trivialise the full horror of the holocaust.

Interestingly, this bit of social media fun has been enthusiastically embraced and modified by the political classes for their own purposes. At any sly reference to marching on Poland, bierkellers, bunkers, blitzkrieg or Nuremberg rallies, Godwin`s Law is evoked to silence any awkward criticism. A recent disturbing example of this failsafe escape clause was beautifully demonstrated by the Department of Work and Pensions in their reaction to the so-called Spartacus Report. The People`s Review of the Work Capability Assessment, to give its formal title, is an independent analysis of the impact that “Welfare Reforms” will have on people with disabilities and severe illness. The DWP are scared stiff of the report because it contains impeccable research, actual data, hard facts and conclusions so damning that ministers have refused to engage with the authors or discuss the ongoing carnage with the Spartacus campaign.

Instead, Iain Duncan Smith continues to make up stories to justify his blind ideology and continues with expenses claims of £39 for a single breakfast. The DWP will not discuss individual cases such as the grandmother who took her own life for the sake of £20 per week bedroom tax yet happily leak the names and addresses of those found guilty of benefit fraud. Clearly a minister of the crown who charges the tax payer £39 for his breakfast does not want to hear that benefit fraud totals £1.2billion, his departments` errors cost £2.2billion and unclaimed benefit amounts to £16billion. Let`s not talk about tax evasion and let`s not allow the shirkers and the scroungers to spoil a hearty breakfast.

Fashion victims

Image via waronwant.org

As something of a style icon and fashion god, total strangers often stop me in the street to ask for grooming tips and fashion advice. Well, girlfriends, the big news for this season is that red is the new black.

This evening (Tuesday), an extraordinary meeting of full Walsall council will take place with just one item on the agenda. Councillors will be asked to approve the allocation of nearly £8million to kick start the redevelopment of the Old Square shopping precinct in the town centre. It seems that private developers and potential retailers took one look at the project and thought twice resulting in our genius cabinet to offer them a load of our money for the privilege of trading in Walsall. Now some might say that in a free enterprise and entrepreneurial economy, the developer and corporate businesses should cough up the dosh for high street regeneration. But what these anarchists forget is that this is Walsall, the land where urban planning, green space strategy and economic regeneration is in the hands of a cabinet that lives on cloud cuckoo planet self interest.

The increasingly deranged Express and Star suggested that the “ambitious scheme” would be a “huge boost” to the fortunes of Walsall with the opening of “flagship” stores such as a Co-op supermarket and, brace yourselves fashionistas, Primark. Councillor Adrian Andrew, who recently awarded himself a substantial increase in councillor allowances, told the local rag;

Triple whopper with lies

Today is the third anniversary of the 2010 General Election and, like any normal three-year-old, the present coalition government has learnt to walk, talk and destroy things.

Quite a lot can be achieved in three years. You could, if so inclined, complete a university degree course and saddle yourself with debt and no hope of gainful employment. You could, with tenacity and stamina, produce three children and therefore enjoy a life of luxury by scrounging state benefits. Given an advantageous launch window and a suitable propulsion unit, you could journey in a space craft to Jupiter. You could train to be a nurse and save people`s lives only to find that your hospital is closing because a lying minister unqualified in health has decided that you are “uncaring”. You could become a teacher and educate three cohorts in Key Stage One or Key Stage Two only to be described by a lying minister unqualified in education as a Marxist for wishing to nurture children with a balanced curriculum. You could develop a serious disability or terminal illness in order to adopt a lifestyle choice of state benefit dependency only to be told by a lying minister unqualified as a human being that you are a feckless, workshy scrounger and will receive no support during the time it takes you to die.

White van man

Crime, according to official figures, is decreasing in this sceptred isle thanks to the diligence of our hard working constabularies and the ingenuity of some very clever statisticians. We can, at long last, emerge from the dark ages of criminality and sleep soundly in our beds.

That font of all knowledge the Office for National Statistics has decreed that this England, this other Eden, demi-paradise is a more peaceful and safer place than in days of yore. Given the impeccable track record of the ONS proving that employment is rising, benefit claims are down, the deficit is being reduced, government borrowing is at an all time low, the root vegetable crop is the best ever and there are two suns in the sky providing eternal daylight, it seems churlish to question the data. In this precious stone set in the silver sea that is the West Midlands, our local Old Bill are the joint top performing metropolitan force for cutting crime. Offences, it seems, are down by a massive 13 per cent which, in the weird world of statistics equates to an extra 26,437 people able to describe themselves` as being not victims of crime. Obviously extrapolating this calculation suggests that every single crime committed has an impact on more than 2,000 people.

West Midlands Police, in an illuminating press release,

http://www.west-midlands.police.uk/np/walsall/news/newsitem.asp?id=12931

suggest that robbery is down by 30 per cent which is double the national average. Unfortunately the data has not factored in the goings on at Walsall Council House where cabinet members have awarded themselves an increase in allowances as a reward for incompetence and maladministration. A 30 per cent reduction in robberies equates, according to the figures, to a grateful 2,389 people not being robbed. That`s 800 victims per single robbery. Burglary is down by 13 per cent which means that 2,195 will not now need to call their insurance companies or emergency glaziers and the 180 people living in each burgled household will not need stress counselling. Injuries due to violent crime is down by 15 per cent with the happy result that 2,389 victims will not end up spending the night at A and E. That`s a 160 fit and healthy people allowed to live their lives without injury because of a single incidence of violent crime.

The above interpretation of the scant detail is, of course, utterly preposterous but is just as ridiculous as the blue sky thinking of the press consultants employed by the boys in blue. Even the only black cloud has a silver lining. An increase in sexual offences is explained away by a campaign to encourage victims to report such vile crimes. The stats have been spoilt by the victims and not by the perpetrators. There is no data relating to unreported domestic violence, child abuse, racist and homophobic abuse, disability hate crime, casual street violence and white collar fraud. Atos and the DWP, are after all, getting away with murder.

By now, anyone within sniffing distance of a computer will have seen the disturbing footage of a violent and unprovoked physical attack on a cyclist in Moseley. There is little more to say other than that there is clear evidence that a series of crimes were committed. We can argue a defence against dangerous driving; threatening behaviour, common assault, criminal damage, perjury and a variety of public order offences but that would be a futile argument. Because the perpetrator said “sorry”, had no previous convictions and was prepared to cough up some dosh, white van man upset at being slightly delayed by another human being on a bike faces no charges. It is a complete coincidence that recorded crime is decreasing.

When challenged, the plod took to social media to talk of hypothetical “red mist” and Home Office guidelines. One wonders if white van man would have been dealt with so leniently if he decided to attack a copper or, given Home Office guidelines, a constable had witnessed the unprovoked violence and made an arrest. Knock a copper off a bike and you get Tazered. Knock a not a copper off a bike and you will be told not to be a naughty boy. Does anyone remember Andrew Mitchell?

In the face of massive cutbacks, if the police service has to retain any credibility with the public, it should resist Home Office guidelines and prosecute the likes of white van man and protect the vast majority of sensible road users from the idiot who thinks he has a right to the highway regardless of whatever is in his way. The precedent that has been set is rather alarming. I can, if I wish, endanger the life of a cycling police officer when driving my vehicle, stop in the middle of the road to confront him or her, pursue them and punch them to the ground. I can now threaten them with further violence and not suffer the wasteful irrelevance of being charged. As I have no previous convictions and am affluent enough to pay compensation, I will not have my reputation damaged.

It`s not hard to understand why crime is decreasing.

As sure as eggs is eggs

Image via Ronans Blog

As sure as eggs is eggs, the telephone will ring the instant that Eddie Mair asks a crooked politician on the radio a killer question or at the crucial moment when a cheese sauce is about to turn from ready to ruined.

The logic of cold calling a landline between five pm and seven pm in order to illicit money is perfectly understandable given that there is a good chance that the intended victim will actually be available and ready to be defrauded. However, the tactic of trying to ensnare a captive audience is guaranteed to fail when the target is more interested in stirring the Mornay, dolloping up the Jersey Royals, serving the cauliflower and avoiding incinerating the gammon. It is difficult to know precisely which part of “f**k off” these cold callers fail to understand.

Both the private and third sectors now seem to know an awful lot about our business and, more importantly, our telephone numbers and e-mail addresses. With the economy smelling like a kipper left on a radiator for a couple of weeks, it is no surprise that shysters desperate to turn a dishonest buck in a something-for-nothing society should redouble their efforts to separate the gullible from their money. So, five or six times a day the telephone will ring asking if I am aware of government grants to insulate the loft or offering huge discounts on double glazing simply because the firm happens to be in the area. Tenacious to the end, it is difficult to know precisely which part of “the loft is insulated and the house is double glazed” these cold callers fail to understand. If we are to believe the current crop of pig rectums in Westminster with the unusual ability of being able to have both ends of their bodies simultaneously in the trough, this entrepreneurship is to be applauded as it will create economic growth. Sadly, this kind of growth is normally associated with cancer and testicles and the need for loft insulation and double glazing will be minimal once everyone but the very wealthy is homeless.