The Plastic Hippo

October 9, 2014

Zombie invasion

Filed under: Education,Health,Rights,Society,World — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
Tags: , , ,
Via Anchorbat

Via Anchorbay

There is nothing even remotely funny about contagious diseases and Ebola in West Africa is just about as serious as things can get. It is so serious that western governments are now urgently deploying military personnel to fight the deadly virus. Cuba, it seems, are sending doctors.

Ebola is not funny; it was not funny last week or last month or back in December or even further back in 1976 when the virus began spreading in Sudan and Zaire. Similarly, it did not raise many laughs in 2007 when it killed more than 400 in Uganda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Only medical statisticians can tell us when an outbreak becomes an epidemic and when an epidemic becomes a pandemic but, according to some western governments and the feral media that supports them, we are now facing the end of the world. (more…)

October 6, 2014

Lord of the flies

Via standard.co.uk

Via standard.co.uk

It is as if the entire coalition cabinet has been flying on an aircraft which has suffered an unfortunate but non-fatal crash on some deserted island far away from civilisation and the controlling influence of grown-ups.

Imagine an enclosed society where marooned public schoolboys fight to the death over the death of a government. In 1954, William Golding did. He could never have imagined that his inspired allegory would become reality in, of all places, the Palace of Westminster. We have been treated to some fairly colossal howlers during the 2014 party conference season. When given their go at holding the conch, Ed Miliband forgot to mention the deficit, David Cameron told a massive lie about the deficit and Nick Clegg tried to claim credit for the massive lie about the deficit. With all three parties haemorrhaging membership and distain at politics turning into disgust, the descent into savagery is inevitable. If the Scottish independence campaign was characterised by negativity, threats, scare-mongering and insults, the next seven months of hysterical shouting will make the Jerry Springer Show sound like Gardener`s Question Time. (more…)

October 2, 2014

Taking Tiger Mountain

Via theguardian.com

Via theguardian.com

According to the BBC, if you speak your mind in Hong Kong you are a pro-democracy supporter demanding freedom but, according to the Home Secretary, if you speak your mind in the United Kingdom then you are a murderous terrorist who must be silenced. There can be no better commemoration of the imposition of a ruthless, totalitarian junta than patriotic speeches in Beijing and in Birmingham`s magnificent Symphony Hall.

In terms of simple hilarity, the 2014 Conservative Party Conference has been the most successful celebration of eye watering hypocrisy since communist China`s notorious cultural revolution. The Tory long march to the dismantling of society, the end of compassion and the destruction of common decency concluded with a stirring yet vacuous speech from the most inadequate Prime Minister in living memory. If this wide-boy survives until May it will be conclusive proof that God has a strange sense of humour. (more…)

September 28, 2014

The secret diary of David Cameron aged 47⅞

Filed under: Fiction,Literature,Politics — theplastichippo @ 1:00 am
Tags: , , , ,
Lord Snooty via thecomicartwebsite.com

Lord Snooty via thecomicartwebsite.com

Saturday 27th September 2014

Woke up really early and was so excited because today is the day that I get to start my very own war. It`s really nice being in charge of the Royal Air Force but after I told them that they could, I`m a bit disappointed that they didn`t kill anybody on the first day.

Had breakfast; sugar puffs, boiled egg and soldiers and a glass of milk. When nanny wasn`t looking, I pinched a Hobnob from the biscuit barrel. Result.

Played Minecraft after breakfast. Lynton came storming in shouting some very rude words about being reckless. I could tell he was upset because he was shouting louder than usual and the swear-words were ruder as well. I have absolutely no idea what he was on about but he must be right because he is so clever and he is paid so much money. He left and I think he said that he was going to ring Michael Gove or he might have said that was going to wring Michael Gove`s neck. (more…)

September 18, 2014

This is the day

Filed under: Literature,Politics,Society,World — theplastichippo @ 11:00 pm
Tags: , , , ,

imagesVHG6NOAK

The polling places have closed, the ballots have been cast and the votes are being counted. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day but I have a bottle of Lagavulin, a huge bag of Twiglets and the day off tomorrow. By breakfast time, both the Union and I are likely to be wasted.

Shakespeare knew a thing or two about politics and statehood but even his fertile imagination could not have conjured up such an incredible plot. If MacDuff were to ask “stands Scotland where it did?” the answer would be “no”, or possibly “yes”. For the first time, Scotland`s fate has been decided by the pencil rather than the sword and the biggest loser regardless of the vote will be David Cameron. (more…)

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