The Plastic Hippo

November 27, 2011

The Book of Gove

Filed under: Education,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 2:45 am

This morning’s sermon is taken from The Book of Gove, Chapter IV, verses ii to v:

“And lo, it came to pass that the chosen one came amongst the great unwashed and did despair.

For those that did spill their seed on the ground heeded not the Word of Gove and did even yet worship the craven images of false gods.

Yea, the very spawn of base goatherds and beggars did covet the abomination of learning and did cry out in their anguish. Rending their garments and gnashing their teeth, they invited Satan into their houses and temples with a promise of Ungovely texts and instruction in the ways of sin.

But the merciful son of the Great Redeemer did show pity upon the wayward flock and in his munificence, did issue the Word of Gove to those that will be smiteth down and condemned to burn in the deepest pit of Hell.

Cameron smiled, and did see that it was good.”
Before entering politics, Michael Gove turned coin as a journalist, was happy to stand on picket lines during an NUJ strike and equally happy to write bile and invective on the behest of the Murdoch empire. Such a grounding in deception and delusion led, logically, to an abortive attempt at a career as a film star. This is not a joke.

Gove appeared in the 1995 British “comedy” A Feast at Midnight playing, of all things, a Chaplain at a repressive English public school. The plot concerns the tribulations of a small boy called Magnus, dumped into boarding school by some rich parents who would rather live in Paris. Astonishingly, Magnus seems to have “Gove” as a surname. I am not making this up.

Don’t bother searching for the scenes the real Gove appears in; they have been blocked by injunctions and the DVD has been edited to remove the contribution from the current Secretary of State for Education. The handful of people that actually saw the movie seem to agree that it was utterly dreadful apart from the performance by Christopher Lee as a “raptor” Latin master. Hey, Michael. How do you like your stake?

Now in government, Magnus, sorry – Michael, believes that sending a copy of the King James Bible, with a mercifully brief forward written by his good self, to every school in the country will somehow improve standards in education. Quite how a translation from Latin, Greek and Hebrew by Anglican clerics published in 1611 is relevant to the betrayed generation currently spoiling ridiculous government targets remains a mystery worthy of Methuselah. He died aged 969 and was the grandfather of Noah. It says so in the Bible so it must be true. One wonders what on earth they are putting into the food at the House of Commons canteen. What this goat’s rectum that calls itself Gove fails to understand is that we, as a people, are different from a public school hierarchy. When the slop is being served up, we are all saying “quizzing?” and “ego”.

For those intellectually challenged by not attending a public school, the Latin translation is; “Who wants more?” and “Me”. That would seem to be the “modus operandi” of the entire coalition government.

Gove, recently addressing a group of clever people at Cambridge said:
“We should recover something of that Victorian earnestness which believed that an audience would be gripped more profoundly by a passionate, hour-long lecture from a gifted thinker which ranged over poetry and politics than by cheap sensation and easy pleasures.”

Perhaps he should have screened the uncut version of A Feast at Midnight.

A close friend of the great W C Fields visited him as he lay on his death bed. The friend was surprised to find the comedian reading the Bible. “Bill”, he asked. “After your crazy life, what are you looking for in the Bible?” Fields looked at him over his spectacles and said:


The blessed Michael Gove needs more than loopholes to save him from damnation.

1 Comment »

  1. At least Gove is self-made and not reliant on daddy’s money. He also attends Church on a regular basis so not claiming something he does not. However, it does beg the question about being a tory and a Christian. Don’t see it myself

    Comment by Andrew — November 28, 2011 @ 9:21 am | Reply

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