The Plastic Hippo

December 8, 2011

I have in my hand a piece of paper

Filed under: Birmingham,History,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 11:30 am

There are many differences that separate Neville Chamberlain from David Cameron. Neville, for example, actually worked for a living before entering parliament and Dave has never been Mayor of Birmingham or the MP for Birmingham Ladywood. Yeah, Ladywood. Not bad for a toff.

As Cameron sets off for a bout of ritual humiliation in Brussels, growling with the “bulldog spirit” demanded by his little Englander back bencher`s, his fate is as surely sealed as that of Neville who went, saw and capitulated. The difference is, despite the character assassination that followed Chamberlain’s abortive attempt at peace and a united Europe in 1938, Dave will come back without even a single sheet of Andrex to cover his dignity. Cameron is out of his shallow depth.

The idea that Britain can have any influence in Europe whilst remaining serenely aloof is a philosophy that belongs to the long gone citizens of Hartlepool who, during the Napoleonic Wars, lynched a shipwrecked monkey believing that the creature was a French spy. Conservative back bencher’s and the equally bizarre supporters of UKIP are even now conducting house to house searches for Simians and other higher primates capable of holding a pencil and marking a cross on a piece of paper.

Dave wants to preserve the rights of the City of London, the banks and stock brokers to make as much money for themselves as possible. It seems that corporate greed takes precedence over health care, education, health and safety, disability rights, the working time directive and the actual survival of our nation.

Sadly, Neville Chamberlain died a broken man in 1940. If he had lived another three years, he would have enjoyed this wonderful song by the master, Noel Coward. Perhaps Cameron is humming the tune as he is whisked away to face politicians more capable than him. Chamberlain would have made mincemeat of Merkel and Sarkozy.

This humble blog would like to offer some alternative lyrics for the dog days of 2011.

Don’t let’s be beastly to the Bankers
Now their victory is ultimately won.
Let us treat them very kindly,
As we would a valued friend.
We must not send out their tax demands,
In case it should offend.

Let’s be sweet to them
And day by day repeat to them
That compassion simply isn’t done.
Let’s sweetly sympathise again,
And help the greed to rise again,
But don’t let’s be beastly to the scum.

We must be kind
And with an open mind,
We must endeavour to find a way
To let the Bankers know
Now that the world is collapsing,
They are not the ones who have to pay.

We must be sweet
And tactful and discreet,
And now we’ve suffered defeat,
We mustn’t let
Them feel upset,
Or ever get the feeling
That we’re cross with them or hate them.
Our future policy must be to reinstate them.

Don’t let`s be beastly to the Bankers,
For they’re civilized,
When all is said and done.
Though they gave us Lehman’s and fat cats full of cream,
They also gave us poverty and Sir Philip bloody Green.

Let’s be meek and mild to them
And turn the other cheek to them,
And try to arouse their latent sense of fun.
Let’s give them full air parity,
And treat the rats with charity,
But don’t let`s be beastly to the scum.

Don’t let`s be beastly to the Bankers.
You can’t deprive a gangster of his fun.
Though they’ve been a little naughty
To the Portuguese and Greeks,
That doesn’t really matter
To these greedy, selfish creeps.

Let’s be free with them
And let the BBC speak for them.
We mustn’t prevent them basking in the sun.
Let’s soften our defeat again,
And build their bloody banks again,
And don’t let`s be beastly to the scum.

With huge apologies to the great Noel Coward.

Astonishingly, his song was banned by the BBC in 1943 for being pro-German. It would seem that not very much has changed and Cameron will return with a piece of paper that will be reported as a triumph. With an oaf like this in charge and a Chancellor that needs to take his socks off to count above eleven, it is probably wise to take the next flight to Munich if one wishes to survive the winter.

Peace in our time? What a great idea.


1 Comment »

  1. Is the Hippo version available on iTunes?

    Comment by Mark — December 8, 2011 @ 1:45 pm | Reply

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