The Plastic Hippo

March 3, 2012

Church of the poisoned mind

Filed under: Media,Society — theplastichippo @ 1:40 pm

The career, lifestyle and oeuvre of a Ms Charlotte Church have not previously been of much interest to the author of this humble blog. However, following her statement regarding the settlement she received from News International, I think I may have fallen madly in love with the woman.

As a child, the former voice of an angel and the favourite of Popes and Presidents managed to avoid the attention of frightening old men in silk slippers and even Bill Clinton and grew up to be something of a celebrity chanteuse. Shenanigans with rugby players, a foul mouth and the over exposure of too much embonpoint has kept her in the public eye. She has very cleverly played the fame game by transforming herself from child star to ladette coquette and now to affronted working mother. Her dismantling of the Murdoch Mafia was stunning and she deserves every penny of the 600 grand the old bastard has had to cough up.

Rupert, though, is in such a position that he is hardly likely to miss the cost of buying off the songbird of the valleys or the rest of the legion of wealthy yet wronged celebs. In the pragmatic and rather weird world of News International, he might also not miss his idiot son`s stewardship of his stable of newspapers.

It was a funny old February for News International. Following a Saturday morning dawn raid, an assortment of Sun hacks found themselves carted off in paddy wagons to assist the Old Bill with their enquiries. This resulted in Trevor Kavanagh, Murdoch crony and Associate Editor of, guess what, the Sun, to wail about a “witch-hunt” and a heavy handed “over the top” police investigation. He told the BBC that “police had rifled through children`s underwear drawers looking for information”. He expressed outrage that vital police resources were being diverted away from the fight on terrorism to oppress and harass the innocent. No mention from Trev of a murdered schoolgirl or the harassment of her family.

Even the odious Michael Gove leapt to the defence of his former employer with all the agility of a slug. He talked of the “chilling” implications that the Leveson Inquiry will have on the freedom of the press and has decided to rubbish the judicial review even before any findings are announced. The government are clearly worried and it seems unfair to ask Gove to perform back-flips, forward rolls and hand stands to entertain the gallery. Slugs, you see, are not in procession of a backbone.

The news that Murdoch Senior was flying in to sort out five, or ten, or now eleven single bad apples must have sent a chill through Wapping. The last time the digger turned up, he closed the News of the World and hacks at the Sun were probably clearing their desks, deleting emails, shredding expenses claims and placing buckets of whitewash above every half open door that Rupert might walk through. Ever the showman, instead of closing the Sun, the Australian born American announced the Sun on Sunday and lifted the suspension of the alleged wrong-doers. The minor details of bail conditions are of no consequence when a major Sunday newspaper is to be launched in seven days and the accused were allowed back to the alleged crime scene and allowed access to the alleged shredding machines.

The launch of the Sun on Sunday seems to have been a huge success according to the Sun and the Sun on Sunday and champagne corks popped in Wapping and at New Scotland Yard. Sadly, the party was short lived as another songbird in the shape of Deputy Assistant Commissioner Sue Akers told Leveson that the Sun and News of the World journalists arrested on suspicion of corruption, conspiracy and aiding and abetting misconduct in public office were closely linked with the Metropolitan Police, the MOD and other civil servants.

After sitting Junior on the naughty step, Dad had had enough and banished the young yob back to his room in New York and grounded him for a month with only BSkyB to play with. Poor James Murdoch. His CV is not looking that good with one closed title and proven, systematic and widespread illegality rife within daddies` empire.

If all this wasn`t farcical enough, the tale turned surreal when the Met released a story regarding the lending of a retired police horse to Rebekah Brooks. Only the most cynical and muck-raking low-life would dare to suggest that the horse trading between the Met and News International was intended to blinker the possibility that News International told the Met to reign in an active murder enquiry because it might implicate people who did not want to be implicated. This kind of gossip and rumour is, of course, complete horse manure. Unfortunately for both the Met and News International, that particular stable door has not actually been fully bolted.

It got funnier. Rival newspapers discovered the real identity of the horse and exclusively revealed that the beast was now dead after being returned to the Met in “poor condition”. Even better was the revelation that our own Prime Minister had mounted the horse for jolly rides with his old Etonian chum who happens to be the husband of Rebekah Brooks.

It`s not certain how often Cameron rode the old nag as Rebekah Brooks is unavailable for comment. Similarly, the remains of the old mare, which went by the name of Raisa, cannot give her side of the story because those said remains are now gluing down envelopes containing letters telling people with disabilities that they are scrounging liabilities and the government cannot afford to keep them.

It would be foolish to predict where this will all end. Leveson might conclude that the unhealthy relationship between the press, the police and government goes back to Brown, Blair, Major, That Woman, Callaghan, Wilson and Heath. The common denominator is Murdoch.

The whole issue might best be resolved by staging an Olympic Celebrity Come Dancing Special. Rebekah Brooks could be partnered with Tom Watson, Andy Coulson with the mother of Millie Dowler, Cameron with his old mount Raisa, Murdoch the younger with Sienna Miller and Murdoch the older with Charlotte Church. That would be worth watching.

Sadly, it won`t happen. The old bastard will die soon and, like Raisa, be dragged off to the knacker’s yard. With News International`s vast wealth of experience in crime and crime investigation, the next logical step would be for News Corp to tender a bid to run the newly privatised Metropolitan Police. That way, all this trivia will be conveniently forgotten.

However, the poison will still remain.


  1. Yes, News of the World closes, and the Sun appears on a Sunday. We could all see it coming. Different names, same old rubbish.

    Comment by Antony N Britt — March 3, 2012 @ 2:14 pm | Reply

  2. I amire the sentiments but despair the reality.

    It is not a matter of Sunday newspapers – what has happened to the local press??

    Answer = they have all been subsumed by major companies who have only 4 things on their mind.

    Sell more advertising
    Sell more advertising
    Do not upset those that have bought or may possibly buy more advertising
    Get rid of any material that might get in the way of the above

    Comment by the realsi — March 6, 2012 @ 6:42 pm | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: