It`s been a long time since 1997 and the promise of an end to political sleaze and corruption. The Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair presented himself to the Leveson inquiry and furiously denied any suggestion of a deal between newspaper proprietors and New Labour. Phew, thank goodness for that.
No mention, though, of the deal that secured media silence over the Blair progeny or the then Prime Minister`s lurch toward Catholicism. The letter from a Cardinal telling Blair to stop attending mass because he wasn`t actually a Catholic, the unfortunate arrest conducted in a pool of vomit and the genuinely sad suicide attempts went mercifully unreported. Cherie, when the need arose to flog a book, did however furnish us with the fact that her contraceptive “apparatus” was unpacked for her by flunkies at Balmoral. One should always think of the children but only after thinking of the publishing royalties.
The Leveson Inquiry has descended into utter farce. Rupert gets a pie in the mush, Hislop extracts the urine and some bonkers fruitcake accuses Blair of war crimes. War crimes? For goodness sake we have all seen the conclusive evidence of weapons of mass destruction. It`s there, in the same filing cabinet along with Ruth Kelly`s CV and the post mortem report on Dr David Kelly. When Blair`s bodyguards bundled the obvious terrorist out, all we needed was the irritating soundtrack of dreadful urban yodelling provided by Whitney Houston bellowing I Will Always Love You.
Sadly for Tony, despite being the only British Labour Prime Minister to deliver three election victories, despite the Good Friday agreement, the minimum wage, the Freedom of Information Act and an increase in growth and a decrease in unemployment, we will not always love you because of a stupid and unnecessary war.
Leveson went totally gaga when the awful Michael Gove turned up. Gove attempted to defend freedom of expression by accusing bloggers of “inaccurate, offensive and intrusive” posts. Not at all like the News of the World when they hacked a dead girl`s phone. Hey, Michael, you are a bastard and you are damaging children. Sue me.
Blair survives, Gove survives, and the tax on pasties is reversed. We will just have to continue on a diet of pork pies, bunting and an exposed flame on the top of Lord Snowden. The frying pan that ruined the full English will need a thorough cleaning