The Plastic Hippo

June 11, 2012

Match of the day

Filed under: Law,Politics,Sport — theplastichippo @ 11:03 am

The big guns take centre stage this week and a fine line will be drawn between success and failure, triumph and disgrace. The Leveson Inquiry is about to become serious.

It can come as no surprise that Tory ministers have been rumbling around the media all weekend desperately trying to distract attention away from what is likely to be a splendid week at Leveson. Like horrified middle-class parents attempting to shield the eyes of their children from the sight of copulating stray dogs, they are prepared to say anything outrageous. “Look Jemima, there`s a ladybird. Come here quickly, Toby, there is an elf sitting up this tree. Harry, look up. Can you see the alien spaceship in the sky? Quick Samantha, leave Nancy in a pub and we can leak the story later.”

Thus we had the rather disturbing Michael Gove bleating about forcing children to memorise and recite times tables and the poetry of his choice and teaching the off spring of the great unwashed the delights of speaking in the language of the Aztecs. Theresa May shrieking with rage that the judiciary were callously upholding human rights even after she made an almighty dingo`s gonads of the deportation of Abu Qatada. Such is her confidence that supine former Liberals will fall into line, that she is threatening judges with primary legislation to force the legislature to abandon internationally recognised basic human rights and implement Tory policy. The ridiculous Eric Pickles attacked poor people demanding that they stop blaming other people for their poverty. This is from a man who, like every other Conservative, blames an inherited deficit for all our woes. It would seem, according to Eric, that poverty, mental illness and disability are self-inflicted. “Problem families” have nobody to blame but themselves.

Gideon Osborne is up before Leveson and, after blaming Europe for his complete lack of any economic understanding, has probably spent the weekend being coached in responding to cross examination. This would have involved being tied to a chair in a darkened basement with an angle poise shining in his face and being asked about holidays in ski chalets by government spin doctors. Given that Osborne is becoming an increasing liability to this flaking coalition, he may be being coached to fail. One slip from Gideon will result in resignation, much to the relief of the self-preservational sharks on the Tory back benches. The same might be happening to Cameron.

The eyes of Europe might be turned to Ukraine and Poland, but more interesting tussles will take place at Leveson. Brown and Harman should sail through the tough ordeal for they, like Blair before them, are trained lawyers. John Major and Alex Salmond were once bankers are so are well versed in the economic use of the truth. Have pity then for the three party leaders, Miliband, Clegg and Cameron. None have ever had a proper job and all three have experience of television research where style always comes before substance. Under oath, under cross examination and separated from advisors and script, weakness in central defence could be punished by the long ball down the middle, a carefully crafted set piece or a marauding centre forward in the shape of a tenacious QC. It will make for fascinating viewing. The full fixture list is:

Monday
Gordon Brown, George Osborne, England v France and Ukraine v Sweden.

Tuesday
John Major, Ed Miliband, Harriet Harman, Greece v Czech Republic and Poland v Russia.

Wednesday
Nick Clegg, Alex Salmond, Denmark v Portugal and Netherlands v Germany.

Thursday
David Cameron, Italy v Croatia and Spain v Republic of Ireland.

Expect all manner of sensational, outlandish and plain daft stories leaking out of government between now and Thursday. A government that is happy to release a two month old story about an eight year old being left in a pub is clearly desperate to deflect attention. If things go badly, government ministers are likely to resort to exposing their bottoms on Regent Street in order to keep Leveson off the front page.

As for David and Samantha Cameron and little abandoned Nancy, perhaps Eric Pickles should include them on his hit list of “problem” families. A Prime Minister who negatively uses his own child for political advantage is not just a problem for social services, but a problem for the whole country.

1 Comment »

  1. Another great post.

    However, given that Murdoch has been so badly exposed by the Leveson Enquiry, there is no need to worry about well-placed leaks from Nos 10 & 11 Downing Street taking over the front page.

    The Empire is undoubtedly striking back, so expect to see more stories of the Warsi type, as young Dave and his chums are put permanently under the collar by Rupert and his minions. I suspect that Osborne will be the next target in the NI cross-hair, given his position as chief fag to the Head Boy, his liking for billionaires who are not called Murdoch and his lukewarm attitude to NI.

    It could also be Pickles. As the only true Northerner in the Cabinet, a Minister of colossal stupidity and a man without any scruples whatsoever, his days must be numbered. It surely wont be long before someone cottons on to his propensity for self advancement and the overwhelming evidence of his incompetence and greed.

    Gove will be safe from Rupert for a while, but not forever, despite his internship with the Empire. Given that he has now decreed that all children must learn to recite poetry by the age of 7, I look forward to the Times Poetry Supplement. If it doesn’t happen, he is a goner.

    God forbid that the telephone and Twitter conversations between Dave, Sam, Nancy, the security services and the pub on that fateful day were hacked by an unscrupulous journo.

    The Realist

    Comment by The Realist — June 11, 2012 @ 11:49 am | Reply


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