Don`t blame it on the sunshine. Don`t blame it on the moonlight. Don`t blame it on the good times. Blame it on anything you like to deflect attention away gross incompetence, malice and naked ideological greed.
That font of all wisdom, the Office for National Statistics, has released figures “suggesting”, according to another font of all wisdom the BBC, that the British economy is in a third successive quarter of “negative growth”. Some deranged analysts might interpret this minor blip as a recession, or a double dip recession, or infer that the sensible slash and burn policy of Chancellor Osborne is, in some way, harming the economy. This, of course, is preposterous. According to the fonts of all wisdom, the British economy is not testicled or intercoursed, it`s just some bad weather and a couple of bank holidays that have brought the nation to the brink of ruin.
It is perfectly natural for the chronically inept to offer excuses for their inadequacies and failings. Even faced with obvious evidence, those tasked with producing obvious evidence attempt to ignore the obvious evidence and blame it on the boogie. That font of all wisdom, Joe Grice of the ONS was placed before a microphone and said:
“The bottom line from all this is that the underlying performance of the economy was probably somewhat better than the headline figure of minus 0.7 per cent would suggest, having regard to the extra bank holiday and to the poor weather. How much that effect might be is something we won`t be able to say or to quantify until we have further experience against which to judge.”
What the bloody hell does that mean? It is fair to say that this utter tosh means that we are now able to say, quantify and judge Osborne as a complete and utter failure as Chancellor. The deficit has increased, the national debt has increased, unemployment has increased once you subtract the guff coming out of the ONS regarding Workfare and part-time employment and the NHS, education and national security has been sold off for the benefit of the already wealthy and to fund tax breaks for tax avoiders. By any measure of competence, Osborne is history.
He will be gone before this wretched coalition government finally implodes. Once the tawdry spectacle of corporate Olympic onanism is over, a cabinet reshuffle will attempt to save the skins of those with the sharpest knives. There is already talk of Jeremy Hunt being dumped to be replaced by Osborne to spare the Chancellor the indignity of waking up one morning to find his head on a pikestaff. Lansley is likely to go and trade minister Lord Green who, after accusations of laundering drug money, might end up sleeping with the fish. Gove will play the long game hoping to become party leader after he has destroyed education and Cameron has been stabbed behind the arras. If that is not too horrific to consider, there is also talk that before that David Laws will return as Chancellor or even Vince Cable being appointed to keep the spineless Libdems onside. Given these possibilities, in short, the game is up. The only question is how much more damage can these greedy idiots do before being convicted of crime.
Don`t blame it on the sunshine. Blame David Cameron.
The Plastic Hippo 
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