The Plastic Hippo

October 10, 2012

Daft as a brush

Filed under: Birmingham,Politics — theplastichippo @ 12:41 am
Mr Mayor invites the cabinet to lunch

Mr Mayor invites the cabinet to lunch

Birmingham Tuesday: Boris had a haircut and behaved himself as cabinet ministers generated enough hot air to inflate Felix Baumgartner`s balloon. Day three of the Conservative Party Conference continued to entertain.

The fun packed day started with the disgraced Justine Greening who, happy to have been removed from Transport before the West Coast Main Line fiasco was made public, didn`t say very much at all about overseas development. At lunchtime we were treated to the entrance of the nation`s favourite buffoon, Mayor of London Boris Johnson, who had the crowd in stitches with his jolly japes, quips and skits. It is astonishing to think that parts of the Conservative party would wish to see this inbred Bullingdon vicious idiot replace another inbred Bullingdon vicious idiot as party leader. It is doubtful that either of these products of inherited wealth has ever seen, let alone used, a mop or a broom. After all, aren`t these the things that the servants use?

Then came Jeremy Hunt, a man so inept and greedy that he had to be promoted to oversee the nation`s health. Firmly in the pocket of Murdoch, G4S and private health care companies, the Health Secretary decided to slag off the NHS. The man who lied to parliament and Leveson over BSkyB and swept away any responsibility for the Olympic security debacle said this:
“But as we celebrate excellence, we must be honest about failure. I`m going to name names now because I don`t want anything to be swept under the carpet.”
After coming out of hiding, Hunt has continued to sign off the privatisation of the NHS to private companies who, interestingly, just happen to have made donations to the Conservative party. The top ten donated £10million and in return were granted contracts worth £5billion – that`s billion – of tax payers money. He has also awarded a £13million NHS contract to G4S, the private security that did so well in keeping London 2012 safe and secure. Mr Hunt`s bank account is clearly more healthy than the nation. In his speech to conference, Hunt continued:
“But I need to say this to all managers: you will be held responsible for the care in your establishments. You wouldn`t expect to keep your job if you lost control of your finances. Well don`t expect to keep it if you lose control of your care.”
That statement will not have sent a shudder down the minimal spines of Gideon Osborne or Iain Duncan Smith because it was directed at the plebs and not at those who are born to rule.

The next comedy act up to delight the crowd was Michael Gove in a fetching new pair of spectacles that did nothing to disguise the fact that he still looks and sounds like a simpleton. It might be best not to dwell too long on his behaviour as this might result in the poor man suffering further ridicule due to his perverse habit of existing in an entirely different universe. As Education Secretary, the hard line traditional Tory used his speech to attack teachers and, in particular, the leaders of the teaching unions. With no mention of the GCSE marking disaster, his bizarre fiddling with the curriculum and the awkward embarrassment of children being worse off in Academies, he said that teaching union leaders should not let their “ideology hold back our children.” The main difficulty facing teachers is holding back children and parents wishing to kick seven shades out of Michael Gove. Irony, it seems, is dead.

Home Secretary May spoke but as everything she utters is nonsense it is not worth discussing her proposal to allow victims of anti-social behaviour to lynch anyone in a hood from the nearest broken lamp post. Chris Grayling, however, said that country squires would be protected under law if they let loose both barrels at ramblers taking a short cut across the family estate as long as the violence used was not “grossly disproportionate”. He told the BBC: “If you lash out the law should be on your side”. Grayling, another bald man clearly compensating for something, might live to regret his words when the poor, the dispossessed and the abandoned lash out against a failing government. He kept on talking about “the cold light of day” which suggests that he only rises at night and sleeps through the cold light of day on a bed of Transylvanian soil deep underground in a gothic crypt.

The conference day ended with a speech not given by Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell who was indisposed. For all the tub thumping and empty rhetoric designed to whip up rabid hatred, nothing was actually said and the barking mad new initiatives will never end up as law. Ministers might have pleased the bigots in the hall, but the nation looked on in incredulity at those that govern us telling lie after lie. At least we could laugh at Boris.

Cameron is on next. Expect a longer free fall than that proposed by Felix Baumgartner.



  1. Absolutely bang-on brilliant. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or take to my bed and read the Senate of Lilliput and Hummingbirds and Hyenas (again).

    Before I choose, I must confess to a smidgeon of curiosity regarding the likes of Hunt, Gove and Grayling. What on earth propels them to take up politics in the first place (let alone jobs for which they are manifestly and desperately unequipped) and then, at every opportunity, publically demonstrate their incompetence, insensitivity and inability?

    I suspect that ego, the right connections and a total lack of self-awareness might play a part. On this basis, when making my next job application, I will cite these factors under the section headed ‘Reasons for Applying for this Job’.

    One can only hope that Nick Robinson, the esteemed BBC politcal editor, reads this post, takes notes and delivers something other than his usual ‘nudge-nudge, wink-wink, I know more than you do’ drivel when he files his next conference report.

    Many thanks for your unfailing gimlet eye and prose.

    The Realist

    Comment by The Realist — October 10, 2012 @ 11:56 am | Reply

  2. You couldn’t make it up, could you?
    And as for Gideon’s suggestion that you give up employment rights in exchange for shares, I mean, WTF?
    Seriously, WTF? Who benefits? How?
    As a capitalist conglomerate, are you going to sack a load of your shareholders, should the need arise to cut costs?
    As a shareholder are you going to let the company you part-own make you redundant?
    It’s a classic mandarin-inspired solution to a problem that doesn’t exist.
    God help us, we really are stuffed if he’s in charge of the money for the duration of this Parliament.

    Comment by martin — October 10, 2012 @ 3:05 pm | Reply

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