The Plastic Hippo

October 19, 2012


Filed under: History,Politics — theplastichippo @ 1:49 am

As the level of sheer incompetence and shameless profiteering is revealed on an almost daily basis, this failing excuse for a government is relying more and more heavily on smoke, mirrors, bread and circuses. Sadly, the clowns around the cabinet table forgot the bit about providing mirrors and bread.

This week, we have been promised another circus with the promise of a national “celebration” to mark the start of the First World War and an awful lot of smoke being blown into the hornet`s nest of unemployment figures. Celebrating the outbreak of the most senseless and futile carnage ever to visit the planet might seem a little distasteful and rather disrespectful. Perhaps commemorating the end of the slaughter on Armistice Day 2018 might have been more appropriate but the tactics of war and politics are still formed on the playing fields of Eton and in the wreckage of restaurants in Oxfordshire. After all, Field Marshal Douglas Haig, 1st Earl Haig, also known as “butcher Haig of the Somme”, was a member of the Bullingdon Club.

Haig, through incompetence and utter contempt for working class soldiery, presided over the destruction of a generation in the name of economic advantage. Born in Edinburgh, Haig the Butcher might have considered himself as part of the noble tradition of Scottish warriors such as William the Wallace, Robert the Bruce and, more recently, Alex the Salmond. Cameron`s big idea of celebrating 1914 is a charmless and fairly desperate attempt to deflect attention away from the recently agreed referendum on Scottish independence arranged for 2014 and focus on the UK election due in 2015. Alex the Salmond was equally desperate to have the once and for all ballot held in the autumn of the year that commemorates 700 years since the Battle of Bannockburn which saw Robert the Bruce defeat the English king and restore Scotland as an independent nation once again. Salmond, the pretender king, might be cynical in his choice of timing to coincide with a revival of Scottish nationalism but Dave has taken advice and has decided that the united nation needs another circus. King David wants us to wave our union flags to celebrate the deaths and impairments of the grandfathers and the great-grandfathers we were never allowed to meet. King Cameron would be happy to see the back of Scotland and the removal of millions of traditional Labour voters from the UK electoral role. Quick, look at the smoke, not at the mirror. The irony is almost sublime.

Nine years before Bannockburn, William Wallace lost the Battle of Falkirk and after being captured, was hung, drawn and quartered in London under the orders of King Edward Longshanks, the hammer of the Scots. It was not until 1707 that the Union Agreement between Scotland and England was signed which led to the Jacobite rebellion of 1745. You may recall the additional verse, now usually silent, to our National Anthem that was played so often during the recent summer of circuses.
“Lord, grant that Marshal Wade,
May by thy mighty aid,
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush,
God save the King.”

Way back in the first century BC, Roman tribune Gaius Sempronius Gracchus knew how to keep the plebeians happy and under control. Cleverly indentifying that all the common herd cared about was food and mindless entertainment, he offered them bread and circuses. More than two thousand years later, the current crop of unelected tribunes are attempting the same crude political ploy. Tragically, Cameron and his wealthy chums lack the guile or competence of dear old Gaius. Only Andrew Mitchell has the courage and honesty to speak his mind and call us plebs. With a cabinet packed with creatures who are compulsive liars, cheats and fraudsters, we come to the unemployment statistics.

The noble tradition of Hans Christian Andersen and the brothers Grimm is being continued by Gideon Osborne`s creation the Office for National Statistics. Unemployment has fallen by 50,000 scream the headlines. Austerity, buffoonery and profiteering is working scream ministers. Heavy weight “economists” like Stephanie Flanders from the BBC Conservative party press office describe a basket case economy producing lower level of unemployment as a “conundrum” and a “puzzle”. Erm…look at the figures Stephanie. 35,000 more people have decided to become self-employed in the hope of making a living in the tax free black economy championed by the Conservative government. The number of people on unpaid employment schemes has risen by 13,000. Not included in the ONS figures are the number of people with disabilities who, having been judged as “fit for work” by the criminally insane ATOS, have disappeared from the statistics and left to die. There are more than 10,000 people dead since this wretched government decided to punish the vulnerable and reward the rich. Also missing from the figures are the numbers of young people who have had benefits removed or the number of young people forced into slavery under the Workfare schemes to bolster the profits of big companies that donate to the Tory party. Most of the jobs “created” by the private sector are part-time and do not provide a basic living wage. The mirrors and circuses are there to allow the liars in government to sleep soundly at night.

Gaius Sempronius Gracchus, a plebeian who rose to be a Roman tribune, spoke for the plebs against the greed and power of the wealthy. His older brother, Tiberius Gracchus, had similar views but died at the hands of an angry mob armed with rocks and clubs and the patronage of the powerful and wealthy. Gaius himself fled Rome to escape murder and took his own life in an olive grove dedicated, ironically, to the Furies.

David Cameron: perhaps in your busy schedule, you should consider the fates of William Wallace and the Gracchus brothers.


1 Comment »

  1. The real irony is that the Government and for that matter, the Opposition, continues to employ a number of individuals who should not be let near any form of paid responsibility. Perhaps ATOS could devise a new test of competency.

    This would, as now, be used to ascertain fitness for work and for office, but applied to those currently in positions of power and influence. Failing the test would result in the immediate removal from office and of all benefits, expense allowances and stipends. Arrests might also follow.

    At a stroke, this would result in the removal of a substantial number of incompetent, corrupt and MPs, Councillors, senior Civil servants, QUANGO members and local government officials. Several thousand vacancies could be established and even made available to plebs. Above all, it would, by demonstration, confirm that we are, after all, part of the Big Society.

    If this admittedly radical proposal was adopted, Cameron and Osborne need not worry about a resultant downturn in employment figures. After all, most of the affected will have already salted away sufficient funds to never have the need to work again, or will continue with their sordid, ‘off-balance sheet’ activities. However, I fear that a rise in the prison population might need to be catered for.

    As for Camerons Scottish Play, I fear that he might get his fingers badly burned. Either he will have to send a shed-load of wonga up north to buy votes or take the risk of being famous as the man who wrecked the Union while leading the Conservative and Unionist Party and presiding over the United Kingdom. If this happens, a number of Tories would regard hanging, drawing and quartering as too soft a punishment.

    Perhaps he has a third alternative in mind, whereby he and his closest chums retire from the field in 2014, leaving behind, on both sides of the border, another unholy mess to be cleared up.

    In any event, there is no prospect of Cameron retreating to an olive grove to consider his future, as there truly is no honour amongst thieves nowadays.

    The Realist

    Comment by The Realist — October 19, 2012 @ 10:24 am | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: