The Plastic Hippo

November 10, 2012

The BBC – an apology

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:05 am

“The BBC wishes to offer a profound and unreserved apology for inadvertently not naming an individual who was not involved in some things that never happened. The corporation deeply regrets this oversight and wishes to assure any member of the public that did not do anything that this will never happen again.

In not naming the individual for legal reasons, the BBC takes full responsibility for the distress, ill-health, sleepless nights and broken heart of the unnamed victim who remains entirely innocent of things that we now realise did not take place. Our news and current affairs department prides itself on quality and accurate journalism yet on this occasion the expected high standards of excellence were not met. Consequently, our flagship current affairs programme will no longer feature in the schedule and we will no longer undertake any investigative reporting of things that obviously did not happen involving unnamed individuals who by accident of birth are powerful and rich.

The BBC admits that culpability for any crimes that have been committed by unnamed rich and powerful individuals rests entirely with the BBC and we will rigorously pursue the malicious named individuals who appeared on camera not naming innocent people who were not named in respect of criminal offences. It is clear that not naming people who did not engage in unlawful activity is not in the public interest and will cease. Senior management and the BBC Trust now agree with the government that child abusers are gay, it all took place a long time ago and it is time to draw a line and move on.

To replace the clearly unpopular flagship current affairs programme, we have already commissioned a number of documentary series including: Thatcher – the golden years, Gary Glitters greatest hits, Kinnock – what a prat, Sir Jimmy Savile – cultural icon and Bernstein and Woodward – overrated or just liars? We are sure that these wholesome programmes will be an improvement on shoddy journalism.

Once again, the BBC wishes to offer a profound and unreserved apology for getting too close and wishes to reassure the rich and powerful that we will keep our noses out of their business. Thank you.”

Dr David Kelly
Director General


1 Comment »

  1. Soon to be former
    Director General
    Even though he was not around for most of these things
    But someone must take the blame
    And a big pay off which goes with it…?

    Comment by interested — November 10, 2012 @ 12:54 pm | Reply

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