The Plastic Hippo

April 1, 2013

All fools` day

Filed under: Education,Health,History,Law,Media,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 1:04 am
Homeless and hungry image via

Homeless and hungry image via

A good prank is reliant upon there being people stupid enough to believe that spaghetti grows on trees. The basic premise of a successful April fool hoax is plausibility, however preposterous and the implied gullibility of the intended target.

Mercifully, our coalition government has done away with the tedious and not very funny tradition that every first day of April requires the reporting of the capture of the Loch Ness Monster, sightings of Elvis, alien abductions and π being rounded down to three as part of a European Union directive. We are far too sophisticated and intelligent to fall for that same old claptrap. Instead, most of the media including the BBC serve up a constant diet of amusing misinformation, mischievous propaganda and some rounded down porkie pies to keep us in stitches all year round. Pete Townshend was wrong when he claimed that we won`t get fooled again all those years ago. There are still enough credulous innocents out there that believe anything the coalition government says and, in the face of irrefutable proof, believe that spaghetti grows on trees.

Old habits, however, die hard and our coalition cabinet of millionaires are determined to give us a good laugh on this the first day of April. Here are just a few jolly japes that will keep us in fits of hysterical laughter until lunchtime.

The BBC report the death of the NHS two hours before the patient breathes its last after not reporting the illness for the last three years. It also tells us, 36 hours after the event, that protests against changes to benefits (it has been ordered not to say “Bedroom Tax” by the powers that be) have taken place. It is entirely coincidental that the Chairman of the BBC is a former Conservative minister and is also employed by a private healthcare company that will profit from the NHS sell-off. Other cabinet ministers have interests in private healthcare companies. Jeremy Hunt blames student nurses for “coasting” and gives back £2.2billion to rich people. Having found that the proposed closure of the department that provided heart surgery to children in and around Leeds was illegal, the powers that be decided to shut it anyway based on statistics made up in the bottom of a teacup. Doctors, nurses, healthcare workers and patients are against profit instead of care. The joke is that Sir Bruce Keogh and Sir David Nicholson, who was in charge of the mid Staffs final solution to sick people, are still not in prison.

Teachers, governors, parents and children continue to suffer under the tutelage of Michael Gove and Sir Michael Wilshaw as education recedes into the distance. The joke is that Gove and Wilshaw pronounce Christian values.

Former Archbishop of Canterbury George Carey has offered an Easter message of hatred targeted at gay people rather than concern for the poor and the disadvantaged. His obsession with homosexuality is reminiscent of a Scottish cleric who found young men simply irresistible. The joke is that his most recent successor is a former oil company executive who hates gay people. Of all times, one might imagine that clerics would talk of human compassion. Other churches have come out and said that the coalition government is harming those who have the least.

For good measure, today sees the introduction of a Bedroom Tax, the scrapping of Disability Living Allowance, a cap on benefit entitlement, the withdrawal of Council Tax benefit and the introduction of something called Universal Credit. The coalition government`s big idea of Universal Credit has crashed even before it is out of the engine shed. People will go hungry. The joke is that Sir Norman Bettison, the former Chief Constable of West Yorkshire, enjoys a huge pension because he resigned before criminal charges were brought against him. The disabled mother of a boy that died at Hillsborough is being forced out of her home.

Even better than Bettison, Legal Aid for those who wish to dispute illegality is now scrapped and funding for the Citizen Advice Bureau has had funding cut from £22million to £3million. The joke is that Home Secretary Teresa May is deliberately screwing up the Abu Qatada case as a justification for removing human rights and introducing secret courts.

All fool`s day is not all about laughing. From their many spare bedrooms in their many spare houses, millionaire cabinet ministers grin sheepishly at awarding themselves a tax cut to the tune of £42,000 a year as people who did not elect them become homeless and hungry. The only growth is in the number of food banks and the bonuses paid to bankers. April fool. Not many people can claim to have changed the course of history, but this Conservative government, aided and abetted by the vermin formally known as Liberal Democrats, have turned a culture of care into a culture of hate and greed.

Since May 6 2010, every day has been All Fools` Day. Sadly, the joke has backfired. People are not dying laughing, they are just dying.


1 Comment »

  1. A quite wonderful polemic.

    When any Government is even lightly castigated by Methodists, Baptists and the Association of Lecturers and Teachers, it is an odd occurrence. When such bodies are stimulated sufficiently to directly oppose Government policies, it can only be described as a miracle.

    However, I fear that the money-lenders still have an iron grip on the temple. They also seem to be able to manipulate arithmetic and logic.

    The walking smugness that is Ian Duncan Smith states that his policies will save money and not disadvantage people. Can anyone help me with the idea that a cut in expenditure on welfare, housing and health can be implemented without a negative impact on those who need it?

    If it can be done, why waste his Midas touch? Make him the Chancellor. That way, he will be able to demonstrate his alchemy on an international stage.

    Debt, poverty, homelessness, hunger, infant death and infection will become things of the past. We will all embrace a new world order, predicated on an absolute agreement that water can be turned into wine, base metal into gold and that the dead can be raised again, but in a positive way.

    In the midst of all this smoke and mirror material, I assume that the Labour Party has decided, like any kid who visited an end-of-pier arcade, to close its eyes and hope that someone will come to save them from the horrors.

    In true Miliband fashion, step forward Mr Paulo De Canio in place of brother David.

    I am a person who scares easily, but the the last few days have made my flesh creep.

    The Realist

    Comment by The Realist — April 2, 2013 @ 12:49 pm | Reply

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