The Plastic Hippo

July 17, 2013

Yowsah yowsah yowsah

Filed under: Literature,Media,Sandwell,Walsall,West Bromwich,Wolverhampton — theplastichippo @ 2:38 am
Staying alive

Staying alive

According to the increasingly eccentric Express and Star, it is still not clear if Walsall suffered disco hate crime or smoke machine terrorism some two and a half years ago.

Under the headline “Walsall town centre alert sparked by smoke device”, the Wolverhampton based purveyor of cat litter and rabbit hutch lining ran a baffling story that abandoned the Five W principles of journalism in favour of an attempt to stoke up tension and fear in a community that has previously manifested little fear and tension. No less a towering figure of journalism than Rudyard Kipling summed up the Five W principles of Who and What and When and Where and Why and even added an H in his poem from the Just So Stories:

“I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.”

Even if George Orwell described Kipling as a “prophet of British imperialism” and ignoring his disturbing obsession with Masonic ritual and a rather unhealthy interest in the Scouting Movement, old Rudyard came up with useful guide for journalists and, indeed, police officers. It might be illuminating to run the “Kipling Method” past the latest piece of Express and Star frippery invented to cause sensation or outrage or fury or anger. It would be easy to simply link to the tawdry piece but that would increase advertising revenue for the Swastika and suggest that the drivel was popular with the online readership. Instead, I will type the wretched thing out word for word but not disclose the identity of a man who has no right of reply.

“July 15, 2013 10:59 am
Walsall town centre alert sparked by smoke device

A bomb scare that brought Walsall town centre to a standstill was caused by a disco smoke machine, it has emerged.

It was found outside Job Centre Plus in Hatherton Road, Walsall, in February 2011 and brought the town centre to a standstill for six hours, with buildings evacuated, roads shut, and public transport affected. The revelations came to light as it emerged that a man originally accused of the bomb hoax had won an undisclosed `substantial settlement` after launching legal action against West Midlands Police.

(The name, age and address of the man has been redacted by the Plastic Hippo), made complaints after his arrest.”

In either imperialist heaven or socialist hell or in socialist heaven and imperialist hell, both Orwell and Kipling will be laughing their socks off at this utter tripe. Given the unpleasantness of Caldmore, Redditch and Tipton, excitable hacks who succumb to rampant priapism when something exciting takes place within 25 miles of their favourite wine bar are no longer content with inventing stuff and ignoring the Five W and One H approach. Instead they run old stories of bomb plots and disregard the actual story which involves a man who was awarded a “substantial settlement” from the Old Bill. Was there a court case? Was he charged? Why does Tipton have a terrorist attack and poor old Walsall only has a hate crime? That`s not fair. How could a disco smoke machine, or “device” according to the Express and Star, be allowed to terrorise a peaceful, law abiding community two and a half years ago? Who could possibly justify this nonsense and allow the identification of an individual in receipt of a “substantial settlement” after complaint? When did the Express and Star decide that the citizens of Walsall were outraged by a very old Damien Hirst severed head piece that has been on display for a year? Look no further than the recently anointed Editor of the “newspaper” that promoted Enoch Powell and employed Boris Johnson and Jeremy Clarkson as cub reporters. Keith “Cougar” Harrison is on twitter; ask him yourself.

His predecessor told the Leveson Inquiry that local newspapers relied on the trust of its readership. If you actually buy the Express and Star rather than see it polluting more noble endeavours such as The YamYam, I suggest that you take legal advice before checking the date against the mast head at the top of the page. Nothing else in this dreadful rag is trustworthy.

It`s murder on the dance floor.

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