The Plastic Hippo

July 21, 2013

The Royal Hunt of the Sun

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It cannot be easy being the commissioner of the Metropolitan Police or, for that matter, a Chief or Assistant Chief Constable of various other dwindling constabularies. Imagine having to spend your working day outside your HQ talking to cameras to explain that yet more lessons have been learnt, yet more lines in the sand have been drawn and issuing yet another appeal for calm and information.

If tackling crime and keeping us safe wasn`t difficult enough, pity the poor plod who has to deal with a half-wit of the calibre of Home Secretary Theresa May and yet another overweight, bald, wealthy white man in the shape of Justice Secretary Chris Grayling. However, even in the face of such adversity and even with 14,000 fewer police officers since the coalition regime assumed power recorded crime has decreased by a massive seven per cent. Experts and analysts have expressed their delight, surprise and bafflement that such a dramatic decline in bad things happening has been achieved in the teeth of economic ruin and Tory politicians` bellow of actual evidence of recovery even as they line their own corrupt pockets. But it was left to the BBC Conservative press office to give the most elegant of explanations to this unexpected fall in the level of crime. It seems that our collective unconscious has been so disgusted by the violence of the twentieth century that society has turned its back on wrongdoing and we are all now much nicer people. Do you see those people running around and jumping up to try and catch straws in the gale? That`s the BBC, that is.

Statisticians simply adore trends and it is clear that a definite trend is emerging through government statistics. They are, at best, a complete pack of lies. After an overweight, bald, wealthy white man called Iain Duncan Smith did not wish to be bothered with “stupid facts”, his “belief” in blatant untruth is to be challenged by a commons select committee. He need not worry; he will simply retrospectively change the law once he has been found out just like he did with the slave labour Workfare scam. Another overweight, bald, wealthy white man has no idea what is going on in Syria or Egypt or Turkey but still happily quotes numbers that are as irrelevant as he is on the world stage. Michael Gove or “lunch” as Eric Pickles describes him, needs to bulk up if he wishes to become a heavyweight as does the odious little spiv Jeremy Hunt. That, though, doesn`t stop them making up figures to distract from their failure and fraudulent deception.

A grateful and happy nation of nice people will undoubtedly rejoice at the news of a decrease in recorded crime and turn out in droves to re-elect the gang of crooks that weren`t elected in the first place. Have you spotted the trick yet? The decrease is in “recorded” crime and not “reported” crime. A few days before the regime trumpeted their victory of good against evil a crime figure report for Greater London was released and largely ignored. It tells a very different story. It seems that 70 per cent of vehicle crime reported to the Metropolitan Police and 50 per cent of domestic burglary went unrecorded. It seems a lack of evidence resulted in no need for a secondary inquiry and therefore, no reason to record the crime. One chap, a self-employed builder, had his van broken into outside his house and his tools stolen. By good fortune, a CCTV camera indentified the two robbers and recorded the make, colour and registration number of the getaway car. Only 24 hours after reporting the crime, he received a standard, unsigned letter from the Met informing him that they would not pursue the investigation because of a “lack of evidence”. Crime, obviously, pays.

The logical conclusion of this creative use of fictional statistics is that reducing the number of serving police officers will reduce the level of crime and replacing the police service with thugs from Serco and G4S will eradicate the need for police officers and so no more crimes will be committed ever again. In exactly the same way, poverty, sickness, disability, hunger, unemployment and ignorance will simply disappear because none of these government responsibilities are now required to be “recorded”. It`s time to learn lessons, draw a line and move on. Deaths in police custody, shootings on the streets, the Stephen Lawrence smear campaign, Hillsborough and corrupt payments to officers simply didn`t happen. Move along: nothing to see.

Here in the West Midlands, in the middle of a major police investigation, it would be unwise and deeply irresponsible to make any comment that could compromise a successful prosecution. However, there is something profoundly odd about the current inquiry and only time and not speculation will reveal the truth. On a day when bone headed morons “defended” English culture in the centre of Birmingham by drinking Red Stripe without any sense of irony, threw bricks at police officers, jumped up and down on bus shelters, called for the banning of veils by covering their faces, swore a lot and heroically refused to embrace even the simplest basics of the English language, the poor Old Bill had to draw yet another line in the sand. Sadly the WMP must have missed the lesson of Walsall. It`s not a good idea to kettle a bunch of racist, violent Neanderthals in a pub for three hours and not arresting them for incitement to racial hatred will only encourage them to come back for more. Arresting knuckle draggers for public order offences and then de-arresting them due to “lack of evidence” hardly inspires confidence in the claim that crime is disappearing. Similarly, allowing racial hatred to be published on police social media platforms without challenge or moderation is not likely to win many friends in Walsall, Tipton, Wolverhampton, Small Heath or, indeed, Kiev.

The police service has a clear choice. It could either continue to serve and protect fellow citizens, ignoring the unfortunate lessons that have not been learnt, or remain in fear of corrupt, incompetent and crooked cabinet ministers. The Met, in particular, could make a start by arresting Jeremy Hunt. Sadly, this is unlikely to be a viable investigation due to “lack of evidence”.

“Hunt of the Sun” and the Met have their paymaster Murdoch in common.

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