The Plastic Hippo

August 6, 2013

Irony`s last will and testament

Dean Perks image via

Dean Perks image via

Ukip, being of unsound mind and decaying body, hereby bequeath all its worldly bonkers ideas to the nation in perpetuity.

Dean Perks is almost certainly a fine, decent, hard-working self-employed builder and that unfortunate misunderstanding with Her Majesty`s Revenue and Customs was, I`m sure, due to a simple error that any small businessperson can make but is yet another example of EU tax extortion of decent, hard-working British citizens. Similarly, saying: “Sharia Law in my opinion it works as a prevention and prevention is better than cure. If you think you are going to get your hand chopped off for pinching something you won`t pinch it” is a simple error that any prospective Ukip parliamentary candidate for Halesowen and Rowley Regis can make. Mr Perks was addressing a massed rally of the Ukip faithful in the back room of a pub in Coventry and was advising his supporters and a passing dog of the dangers of social media. He told his followers to be careful of expressing any opinion on the internet thingy because Ukip might get found out. Sadly, his wise words to the bemused audience of old, white, slightly portly male technophobes were recorded and ended up on social media.

When the impressive Halesowen News ran the story, followed by the not so hot Birmingham Mail and the appalling Daily Mail, the genie was out of the bottle and the waste product hit the extractor. Strangely, the charming and impartial Express and Swastika ignored the whole silly nonsense considering it irrelevant. Rather than offer the correct defence of abject stupidity, our genial jobbing builder from Dudley went even more offensive. It seems his comments were quoted out of context and that he is the victim of a hate campaign waged by his political opponents. He claimed that he was being hounded and compared his treatment to a smear campaign conducted against the British National Party. Oh dear. The usually camera shy Nigel Farage turned up on Channel 4 News to shout a lot and claim that he did not know the backgrounds of his members or candidates but could categorically state that there were no racists or former BNP members in his party.

Farage, if it is at all possible, is becoming increasingly unhinged. He has miraculously transformed from a pub bore with his own tankard and a bar stool that nobody else can sit on into the first port of call for a sensation seeking media. As implausible as it seems, this buffoon appears to have actual political influence. Tapping into the deep seated fears, prejudice and ignorance of a disaffected majority, he has achieved his goal of dragging the right wing establishment fearful of losing votes even further to right with terrified, spineless Liberal Democrat lap dogs following in the wake of a downward spiral to feudalism. The Labour opposition, once the champion of the working man, the working woman, their children and those in need, refuse to offer anything other than platitudes for fear of offending the greedy and those incapable of compassion. Implausible as it seems, another bierkeller bore with his own personal stein had much the same effect some 90 years ago.

Ukip, even given the strategy of selecting anyone with a strong regional accent to represent them as proof of Britishness, is still controlled by shouting red faced golf club bores just this side of legality. With the unfortunate imprisonment of some of its former and present members, councillors, candidates and MEPs, perhaps Sharia Law or at least part of it would be good for Britain. At the next election, if Ukip actually manages to secure seats in the House of Commons other than by defection, Prime Ministers Questions could be very interesting especially on issues of crime, disability and probity.

It will be difficult for Ukip MPs to wave their order papers if their hands have been chopped off. At that point in time, irony can rest in peace.

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