The Plastic Hippo

October 1, 2013

Fiddler on the roof

Filed under: Politics,Society — theplastichippo @ 8:45 pm
Osborne image via bbc.co.uk

Osborne image via bbc.co.uk

When Chancellor Osborne announced to the Conservative faithful that “this time we will fix the roof when the sun shines”, few in the conference hall paused to consider that there is no roof and, to quote Bill Withers, there ain`t no sunshine.

This sort of barnstorming nonsense is expected at any party conference but when it is delivered by a repulsive piece of puke like Osborne, the realisation that we are all judged as being of the same species as this charlatan specimen results in a spontaneous regurgitation of what was once a rather nice lunch. A simple mention of Karl Marx and Das Capital is guaranteed to produce rapturous applause sufficient to drown out the beeps of audience heart pace-makers and the “no more something-for-nothing” rhetoric always goes down well and usually blows the roof off. It would be a waste of pixels to dwell on what this heir to a baronetcy living on an inherited fortune as his horses canter in a Cheshire paddock paid for by tax payers means by “something-for-nothing” so it might be best to concentrate on what he actually announced. Trust me, it won`t take long.

Amid the bluster of “Labour`s debt addiction” was the promise of some juicy state-subsidised sub-prime mortgages for people unable to ever repay them. With a house building programme akin to that of the Luftwaffe in the early 1940`s, the deliberately created house price bubble will burst leaving shark speculators to hoover up the toxic debt in a year or so. Having borrowed more than any recent chancellor, Osborne funds legal action to protect the obscene bonuses paid to criminals who just happen to donate to the Conservative party. What was it that Einstein said about the definition of stupidity being repeating the same mistakes over and over again? Gideon is not completely stupid, he`s just a very greedy boy.

Unusually, Osborne was careful to add caveats to the rabble-rousing. “As the recovery continues…improvement in growth…if further savings can be made” littered his speech as if some dodgy stats from the ONS suggested that he was something other than a duplicitous wide boy. Not increasing fuel duty and thus saving “hardworking people” from ruin, for example, is dependent on finding the money from somewhere else. Given the hysterical reaction from vested interests screaming of power cuts and a threat to national security when Miliband proposed a freeze on energy bills; one can only assume that Osborne is encouraging petrol shortages, civil disorder and a rush to invest in horses and carts.

He did, however, make one thing clear. There are big profits to be made from austerity. Let us forget for the moment his pledge that austerity would completely eliminate the national deficit by 2015 and forget that his increased borrowing has grown the deficit and the national debt. Clearing up the mess inherited from the previous government`s borrowing and debt addiction will be achieved by 2020 by a borrowing and debt addiction to fund the profits of private companies and the real objective of destroying the state from within. The measures of a civilised society are secondary to the bonuses paid to the executives and share holders of Serco, Virgin, Circle Health, G4S and so many other corporate vultures currently picking over the corpse of UK PLC.

Whistling “If I were a rich man” as he sets off to mend the roof, Osborne might find it difficult to find the slates, the hammer and nails or, indeed, a ladder. He might try and find a workman or a workwoman to help but unfortunately they will be otherwise engaged queuing at a food bank. If all else fails, he could call one of the private companies that now run Britain. Sadly, spending all day long (beedle beedle beedle bum) on hold to an off-shore call centre fronting an off-shore bank account is not going to stop the rain falling through the roof.

Ya da deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle dum.

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