The Plastic Hippo

October 20, 2013

Jumpers for goalposts

Filed under: Media,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 12:00 am
Ed Davey MP

Ed Davey MP

It seems to be an open Westminster secret that there is no love lost between the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and the Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change.

Conservative Owen Paterson and Liberal Democrat Ed Davey are perfectly able to make fools of themselves in a playground spat without agent provocateurs from a febrile and feral news media goading them into saying something stupid. The simple act of placing a microphone in front of these imbeciles is enough to cause hilarity and fill column inches and news broadcasts with the utter nonsense these morons cannot help but spout. With badgers moving goalposts and global warming being beneficial in reducing the numbers of “old people” dying from cold, there is absolutely no reason to invent false stories about these ludicrous individuals. There is more than enough real guff and bluster without dreaming up more.

Lazy journalism owes an enormous debt of gratitude to the late Richard Milhouse Nixon as any whiff of a story, however insignificant, is immediately tagged as “Gate”. The descent into idle triviality is best exemplified by the ongoing “Plebgate” hysteria offered by indolent hacks lacking the wit or inclination to report anything other than shock horror that a public school merchant banker had been rude to the lower orders at the gates of Downing Street. Some of the less imaginative dustbin searchers have yet to go beyond describing the sordid saga as “Gategate”. Regardless of any factual evidence, we now have “Jumpergate”. Here`s how it works;

Lazy hack asks idiot minister if he wears a jumper. Idiot minister answers “Erm…yes…sometimes but you are missing the point”. The following morning, another lazy hack asks a government spokesman if the Prime Minister wears a jumper. “Erm…yes…sometimes but you are missing the point” is the reply. Headline; “Heartless PM mocks pensioners as they freeze to death”.

Mercifully, the independent BBC were quick to debunk this nonsense and helpfully pointed out that the Daily Mirror is “no fan” of the coalition and might just be a little bit left of centre. Strangely omitted from the story of the scurrilous non-story was the fact that the original lazy hack asking the “how much is a bottle of milk” question was Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight. Also absent was any coverage of the destruction of the NHS or an explanation of why BBC journalists allow government ministers to regularly lie on air without being challenged. With the BBC charter up for renewal, I wonder what other state owned corporation might find itself privatised overnight.

Bash Street Kid Wilfrid

Bash Street Kid Wilfrid

The main difficulty in offering criticism of this dreadful government is knowing where to start. Every day another gate opens and another gate slams shut. Any pretence at compassion or, indeed, competence are horses that have bolted and standing with clenched fists screaming “enough” is as futile as attempting to rely on actual facts. The danger is, however, falling into the trap of hyperbole, exaggeration and fiction as it doesn`t need a sound bite from Nietzsche to tell you how that will end. The idiot Davey and the liar Cameron did not say poor people should wear jumpers to keep warm and these wide-boys can now claim to be victims of outrageous smears from Marxists revolutionaries. The record of what the coalition government has “achieved” during its time in office is damning enough; there is no need to make stuff up. The tenacious Dr Eoin Clarke at The Green Benches blog has done some homework and has produced a catalogue of disaster, incompetence and vindictive nastiness that would, under less totalitarian regimes, result in the dawn arrests of politicians rather than Z-list aging male celebrities and two-bit hacks from News International. Perhaps the “opposition” should concentrate on offering an alternative to this attack on the state and not adopt the strategy of more cuts and misery or parrot the scrounger rhetoric that is poisoning society.

It is worth considering what advice Cameron actually gave to the populous in the face of rising fuel bills from the price-fixing cartel he encourages. He said: “If you don`t like the service, change your supplier.” Well said, Dave, but I`m afraid I`m running out of patience waiting for May 2015.

You had better pick up your jumper and get your coat before you cause any more damage. Game over.

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