The Plastic Hippo

October 24, 2013

A Daily Rats Exclusive

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:10 am
Image via huffingtonpost.co.uk

Image via huffingtonpost.co.uk

There were extraordinary scenes in central London yesterday as officers of the UK Border Agency successfully rescued an English child from the clutches of an evil family of scroungers who might be foreign.

Acting on information supplied by the Daily Rats, armed officers and child protection experts from Serco swooped at St James`s Palace to free the infant. Fearless investigative journalists from the Daily Rats spent several seconds in the pub thoroughly researching this latest benefit scandal and unearthed concrete evidence that the baby`s hair might be a little bit blonde when it eventually starts to grow. Tests are currently being carried out on the three-month-old boy to ascertain if he is, in fact, a three-year-old girl who disappeared six years ago. A spokesperson for Serco who cannot be named for legal reasons because they do not actually exist said:
“Oh, it`s like terrible, like. I dunno what`s wrong with the world. I`m an expert in jenetiks, like, and I ain`t seen nuthin like it, like. Wot`s worser is that the babby might have blue eyes. How do these scroungers sleep at night?”

Proprietor of the Daily Rats, Des Richard the Third Cockney Rhyming Slang praised the courage of Rats reporters in exposing this disgraceful affront to all that is decent and urged readers to subscribe to his television stations Channel X and Red Hot TV and for further in depth analysis, to buy our sister paper, the Daily Excess and Diana Obsession Gazette. Publishing giant and legendary Des added:
“Everyday my reporters put their lives on the line to bring you the very best in journalism. We have cast-iron proof that scroungers demanding press regulation are dark-haired and have daughters who are blonde. We will leave no stone un-crawled under to expose these evil, nasty, dirty, smelly parasites. So buy the Rats and one of my other specialist publications, Asian Babes.”

The family at the centre of this latest outrage are thought to originate from Germany and are certainly members of the “Royal” ethnically inferior community. The “Royal” people, as they like to describe themselves, have brought ruin to countries like Romania, Bulgaria, Greece and Ireland and are now arriving at Dover in their billions to claim state benefits and steal children. They occupy a number of palatial residences paid for by the blonde British taxpayer and are notorious for squandering their handouts on vulgar, tasteless, big, fat weddings, funerals and family anniversaries. It is thought that the discovery of the child took place during a “Christening” and the infant was photographed wearing a ghastly imitation frock. Mercifully, the child is now under the protection of G4S. A man claiming to be the child`s “uncle”, who cannot be named because he has red hair, said;
“No, sur, you`ve got it all wrong sur. D`ya wanna buy some clothes pegs, sur? Or a helicopter? Or some ammunition, sur?”

The Daily Rats is proud to seek out and shame these degenerate dark-haired foreigners determined to destroy our society by selling our children into prostitution and will continue to invent stories to discredit their evil ways. The old and young, the rich and poor of this great blonde nation must unite in blaming everything on small groups without a voice to answer back.

To quote Benito Mussolini; the great statesman, war leader and heroic inspiration to Daily Rats reporting: “Arrivederci Roma.”

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