The Plastic Hippo

November 25, 2013

Mind altering substance abuse

Image via News of the World (So sue me)

Image via News of the World (So sue me)

When rummaging in the dustbins of hypocrisy, it is always worth remembering that there is a sliding scale of double-standards, double-talk, double-crossing, double-speak and double-trouble.

We should first discard criminal hypocrisy as that is a matter for the justice system and Her Majesties Prison Service. As every responsible blogger knows, any comment regarding current legal proceedings that could be prejudicial to a safe conviction or acquittal can attract a charge of contempt of court and is best left well alone. Easier pickings can be had by ridiculing ignorant hypocrisy; undoubtedly brought about by selective memory loss, an astonishing lack of self-awareness or, more usually, crass stupidity. There is no finer example of an abject lack of irony than golf club bore Nigel Farage and his balmy dad`s army of small minded halfwits.

Criminal and ignorant hypocrisy, however, pale into insignificance when compared to the treasure trove provided by the more familiar and established political, forked-tongued snake oil salesmen and saleswomen. Professional hypocrisy, or “democracy” as some elected representatives both local and national prefer to call it, has developed into a fine black art that defies satire.

The Liberal Democrats, a party no longer liberal or democratic judging by the votes at the annual conference, manage to display criminal, ignorant and professional hypocrisy almost simultaneously. Forgetting the criminal activities of Chris Huhne, David Laws and any future criminal charges facing the Business Secretary over the Royal Mail heist, the jaw-dropping stupidity of Danny Alexander is almost charming. The professional hypocrisy of being complicit in the destruction of the state will not be lost on the few remaining grass-roots activist still brave enough to describe themselves as Liberal Democrats. Unless they have defected to Labour by then or formed a new political party that is actually liberal, only they will shed any tears when Clegg and the rest of the spineless weasels shuffle off into oblivion in May 2015.

On the opposition benches, Labour bellow with indignant outrage at the annihilation of state education secure in the knowledge that some of their own children receive the very best private schooling that money can buy. It is completely wrong to judge a person based solely on the whim of a parent deciding on the first name of a child, but when a Labour shadow called Tristram, an old boy of University College School, decides that Michael Gove`s free school fetish might not be such a bad idea after all, a suspicious eyebrow or two might involuntary rise. For all the shouting on the opposition benches, there are few “socialist” MPs that dare whisper the words “Denis MacShane”, currently awaiting sentence, “Eric Joyce” or the ultimate airbrushed embarrassment, “Falkirk”. As Iain Duncan Smith rages against scroungers “festering on benefits”; Rachel Reeves talks of shirkers “languishing on benefits”. The subtle nuance of language does little to disguise the common motivation.

Then there is the Conservative front bench and their mouth frothing back benchers. Not content with offering criminal, ignorant and professional hypocrisy, they serve this dish of duplicity up on a platter of bare-faced lies. When the likes of fraudster Grant Shapps appears before the cameras saying that he will tackle fraud and when a Home Secretary talks of widespread slavery without any reference to Workfare and zero hour contracts, you might be forgiven for thinking that the Monty Python reunion has started early. When congenital liar and Murdoch stooge Jeremy Hunt claims that there are more doctors working in the NHS since the Conservative coup d`etat, he forgets that it takes more than three years to train a doctor and the winter crisis in A and E is not just a crisis for Christmas but a crisis for life. Sacking nurses and closing wards is not about health care, it`s now about profit.

Then there is David Cameron, our Sub-Prime Minister. This is a man who, despite inheriting millions, claimed Disability Living Allowance for his late son. As leader of the nation, he now abolishes DLA to children who do not have the benefit of a wealthy father. It is estimated that since this hypocrite assumed power, 10,000 people with disabilities have died since being judged as fit for work and their benefit claims sanctioned leaving them abandoned, destitute and without basic human compassion. Rather than standing at the dispatch box to tell more lies, this piece of excrement should be standing in the dock facing charges of crimes against humanity.

He is, however, becoming hysterically desperate as the scale of his hypocrisy becomes increasingly obvious. Worried at eventually being found out, he has added another name to bellow at Prime Ministers Questions. As well as screaming “Len McCluskey” every 10 seconds, he now screams “Paul Flowers” with the same gusto but with an increased volume. Questioning the judgement of his opposite number, Cameron conveniently forgot the ongoing court case involving his former associates and was fortunate in that Mr Flowers was arrested after the Prime Minister alluded to his alleged guilt and so avoided being in contempt of court by about 12 hours. Section 2 of the 1981 Contempt of Court Act states sub judice only kicks in after an arrest, oral charge, issue of a warrant or a summons. Incidentally, Mr Flowers was released on unconditional bail and the police will decide if a charge needs to be brought sometime in the New Year. Cameron, however, knows that he is guilty and also knows that his former chief spin doctor is innocent.

Suggesting that Michael Meacher, of all people, had taken mind altering substances after asking a perfectly reasonable question at PMQ`s is an indication of just how desperate this failing Prime Minister is. When rebuked by Mr Speaker, he suggested that the House needed a sense of humour. He might turn to his rabid back benchers for support and braying encouragement but he, and they, voted to punish people with disabilities for having a spare bedroom even as they claimed money to heat and illuminate their second and third homes and, in one case, a stable. If Cameron is looking for evidence of mind altering substance abuse and an absence of fiscal qualification, perhaps he should look closer to home.

“Oh, now; what`s his name? Vacant looking chap. He was in the Bullingdon Club. No, not Boris. He lives next door at number 11. Oh, you know, what`s his name?”

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