The Plastic Hippo

January 6, 2014


Filed under: Faith,History,Politics,Society — theplastichippo @ 3:41 am
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The Lord of Misrule

The Lord of Misrule

As Twelfth Night passes and with the tinsel, the baubles and the plastic tree safely stashed in the loft for another year, it is time for all God-fearing souls to commemorate Epiphany.

Depending on which calendar you use and which Gods you worship and further ignoring previous pagan rituals and the rather wonderful Saturnalia, history started on the sixth day of January Year Zero when the adoring Magi confirmed that a baby born to a migrant virgin in an outhouse was indeed the Son of God. If that happened today, I very much doubt that the Department of Work and Pensions would believe Mary`s story and Iain Duncan Smith would again waste parliamentary time with anecdotal tales of feckless, promiscuous young women seeking flat screen TVs via the medium of procreation. Mr Duncan Smith is a self-confessed Christian so thank the good Lord that Mr Duncan Smith was able to enjoy a hearty, well-fed and warm Christmas courtesy of the British tax-payer. Epiphany, however, is quite a different feast.

There is one lovely old custom dating back to Saturnalia, Samhain and even Candlemas that seems to have survived the passing of the years. If the notion of Theophany (the manifestation of a deity in human form) brings a challenge to credulity, imagine the hoots of laughter at the thought of a master serving a slave; a King waiting upon a serf and the biggest idiot in the village being elected to govern. The Lord of Misrule was apparently selected by baking a bean in a fruit cake and whoever got the bean was King for a day. Welcome to Cameron`s Britain in 2014.

There is, of course, lots of fruit cake to be had in Parliament but precious little supplied by the growing numbers of food banks that bring shame to this nation. Beans, however, are all the families impoverished by the Lord of Misrule can hope for. It is difficult to tell how many of our fellow human beings have been forced to rely on food banks for emergency support. Half a million? One million? Two million? We will never know because the Lord of Misrule has decreed that the statistics should stop being recorded. Cameron`s government has turned down an EU offer of £22million to fund food banks based on anti-European ideology or a desire to keep the poor hungry. The International Red Cross distributed food parcels to hungry children in the UK this Christmas for the first time since World War Two. Just image what baby Jesus or, indeed, the God Saturn would have made of that?

When teachers, head teachers, academics, nurses, doctors, senior consultants, ambulance staff, fire officers, police officers, local authorities, the coast guard, the environment agency, clerics, archbishops, ex-archbishops, Popes, economists, philosophers, the bloke from down the pub, poets, artists, musicians, mothers, fathers and children agree that this government is making a serious mess of things, then it might be time to reconsider allowing a buffoon to be King for a day. For the first time ever, mad Marxist lawyers are on strike as a privately run prison is out of control near Wolverhampton. Sadly, on this day of Epiphany, Cameron is in place for another 17 months.

In the long tradition of madness between Twelfth Night and Epiphany, we are blessed that the Lord of Misrule has not yet expelled the magic bean from his digestive tract and has managed to occupy Downing Street since May 2010. The fun has been unending. Every time Cameron opens his mouth a whopping great massive lie keeps the party-goers in fits of laughter. The deficit is being reduced even though it has increased. Borrowing is down even though it is up. The NHS is safe in his hands. It seems we have never had it so good. His “Help to Buy” scam is turning out to be a huge success allowing rich people to expand their property portfolios at the expense of tax-payers who, because of their mismanagement of a basic household budget, need to be referred to a food bank. Thank all the Gods you care to name that a poor unfortunate single mother was able to buy a £145K two-bed flat in Southampton with the help of our caring, sharing Conservative government. Sadly, it turns out that the feckless, promiscuous young woman seeking a Pied a Terre owned a £33K BMW and was a director of the estate agency that sold the property to her very own self, with commission, thanks to state funding. Scroungers, eh?

As Cameron prances before a procession of wealthy, greedy interests banging drums and blowing pipes, he will be remembered not as the Prime Minister who destroyed our country, but as the Prime Minister that made us determined to rebuild it and to make sure that this madness never happens again.

It`s not long until Easter. After Easter, there is resurrection.

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