The Plastic Hippo

February 28, 2014

The great gates of Kiev



By any stretch of the imagination, it has been a difficult week for former Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych. Setting aside allegations of electoral fraud, the poisoning of his main political opponent and the imprisonment and torture of a woman Prime Minister, poor Viktor has been getting a lot of bad press lately. Imagine being a democratically elected leader and being forced to flee your native land with only a large Antonov transport aircraft stuffed with gold bullion for comfort. Fortunately he is now under the protection of Putin and continues to claim legitimacy even as Russian troops mass on the border with Ukraine. The people of Kiev and the western provinces might include right-wing fascists armed with Kalashnikovs but they can all spot a crook when they see one.

In marked contrast, our own President Cameron has had a rather good week. He has managed to survive another seven days without being questioned, challenged, arrested, convicted, forced to leave the country or lynched by an angry mob. Deftly ignoring colossal cock-ups over dodgy statistics, Atos,, failing academies and flood defence spending, Cameron continues to work hard making difficult decisions for hard-working families. Less honourable leaders faced with the consequences of their incompetence and unnecessary cruelty would chuck the compromising documents into the duck pond, stuff their pockets with 21 carat ingots, resign and order the presidential helicopter to pick them up from the Downing Street roof. The only ambition of a Conservative government is to dismantle a state that was once proud of supporting and helping its people when times became difficult. Cameron and his accomplices however, including the utterly repulsive Liberal Democrats, are incapable of breaking things without making themselves look stupid.

Democracy, of course, cannot be achieved by breaking up paving stones and lobbing the bits at riot police. Here in the UK we do not act like ruffians and louts when faced with corruption and injustice. Instead, if we are a little bit displeased with something or other, we sign a petition. If enough people sign, our mature and benign political system allows MPs to debate the issue and then ignore it. Thus a debate on the impact of “welfare reforms” on ill and disabled people was scheduled to coincide with a visit to parliament by someone very important and not many MPs bothered to turn up. Consequently, the chamber of the House of Commons was as packed as the Chernobyl exclusion zone on a Thursday night as the person more important held forth across the road in Westminster Hall.

Some MPs might have come away disappointed and others might have come away apoplectic with rage. If you listen very carefully, you can almost hear the sound of tiny little brains exploding as Tory fossils and UKIP wannabe fruitcakes realise that the most powerful person in Europe is German, defends free movement across borders and, unbelievably, is actually a woman. The ageing dinosaurs representing the leafy shires and the gated estates of the Home Counties might regard the speech by Angela Merkel as a punishment from God and will not rest until the UK withdraws from the European Union. It is indicative of the intelligence of these bone-heads that for the most part they support the people fighting on the streets of Ukraine to join the EU even as they demand Britain`s exit and accuse any Scot wishing to leave the UK of being stupid.

God and others are, of course, watching this nonsense and it is entirely coincidental that the north was treated to a breathtaking display of the Aurora Borealis even as the streets of Kennington disappeared under a flood of untreated sewage. Perhaps this was God punishing people near the Oval for a poor test cricket performance and for living across the river from the Houses of Parliament. With his “money no object” stance when Tory seats suffer flooding, I would pay good money to see Cameron in his waders up to his chin in raw effluent on Clapham Road but that is unlikely to happen. Eric Pickles will no doubt blame the Environment Agency for not dredging the A3 between Stockwell and Elephant and Castle and the Daily Fail will blame Harriet Harman.

With Cameron promising and failing to reduce immigration, the thought of an open border with Ukraine if that troubled nation survives the current crisis will sauté what little remains of his backbenchers brains and if they don`t do for him, perhaps piano players serenading riot police with a bit of Mussorgsky will. I`m sure if he asks politely, that nice Mr Putin could lend Dave a large Antonov transport aircraft with very few air miles on the clock.

It would be good to see the back of Cameron but before he goes, we need to make sure that empties his pockets.

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: