The Plastic Hippo

April 17, 2014

Through the looking glass

Filed under: Literature,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:30 pm
Tags: , , ,
Duck Soup

Duck Soup

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn`t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn`t be. And what it wouldn`t be, it would. You see?”
Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)

It is becoming increasingly difficult to make any sense whatsoever of what is going on in the world and being blessed or cursed to live in these interesting times would perplex even the absurdity tolerance of Alice in Wonderland. All logic and common sense has disappeared and irony is reflected away into vapour from the shattered fragments of the political mirror. Hypocrisy has been promoted from being desirable to being essential on the curriculum vitae of those that aspire to govern.

Consequently, we see an elaborate and carefully placed hoax designed to whip up racial and religious tension resulting in a senior counter terrorism officer from the honest, truthful and in no way institutionally racist Metropolitan Police being deployed to investigate governance in Birmingham schools. This is about as sensible as the SAS performing controlled explosions on school lunch boxes that are suspected of harbouring a bag of Wotsits but, in the current weirdness, we can expect little else in the strange world of Michael Gove.

Elsewhere, a public school educated bloke from down the pub who spent half of his professional life as a commodities broker and the other half as a career politician claims to be a man of the people on a crusade to free the UK from “the establishment” and “career politicians”. He does this by receiving pots of money to not turn up at work and spends his time shouting at people who disagree with him. In the strange world of Nigel Farage, there are more Bulgarians and Romanians in London than there are in Bulgaria and Romania and after the impending money laundering great fall, all the King`s horses will have difficulty putting Humpty Farage back together again.

Meanwhile, an actual MP from a minority party is charged with obstructing the public highway at an anti-fracking protest and is subsequently found to be not guilty as well as not usually invited onto Question Time.

In the parallel universe occupied by Nick Clegg and his illiberal un-democrats, an evil death star roughly the size and shape of Cyril Smith does not and did not ever exist, David Laws is an honest man and Lord Rennard is quite a nice chap really. In the outer limits of political surrealism, tuition fees, the bedroom tax and the economic cleansing of benefit claimants are “tough decisions” that have to be made to prop up a failing coalition of fools led by a March Hare and a Hatter. With the Conservatives claiming to be the party of the workers and the Liberal Democrats claiming checks and bank balances as a raison d`etre, the Dormouse Labour Party snoozes through opposition in the hope of a cup of tea at the end of the madness.

Instead of defending its core support, the parliamentary Labour Party is attempting to woo people who would not vote Labour in a month of Sundays with promises of nothing much will change. Distancing itself from the Trade Unions is like a well-off, well educated son being embarrassed by a father ordering a pint of bitter to go with the chateaubriand rather than an unpretentious cheeky little Merlot. Dad worked hard to give them a week at Butlins, but now his pride and joy winces at the thought of being joined by Mum and Dad for the month in a Tuscan rented villa. Perhaps the most bizarre contrary wise nonsense is that Tony Blair is now described as a Middle East peace envoy. The people of Gaza must have broken a lot of mirrors during the last seven years.

The breath taking absurdity is compounded as slithy toves gyre and gimble in government. A former Deputy Speaker howls unfairness at discovering that although acquitted of serious charges, he is required to pay his own £130K defence costs. Innocent of any offence, the former Deputy Speaker has been exposed as a fairly revolting drunken letch who, by strange coincidence, presided over the second reading of the bill that removed legal aid from victims of crime.

A former Chief Whip has realised that some officers in the Metropolitan Police sometimes tell lies worthy of a duplicitous plebeian. In order to salvage his reputation, a strange syllogistic logic has been applied to prove that all police officers are liars.

A former Culture Secretary embezzled 45 grand, paid back six and ended up on the naughty step still warm from David Laws. All mimsy were the Basingstokes. Her successor as Minister against the Disabled, elevated for no other reason than being in possession of a Liverpool accent, published some party political drivel during the Hillsborough memorial service. She might be a darling of Hello magazine, but Esther McVey might wish to cast an anxious eye over the water from her posh Wirral constituency.

If time has stopped in Westminster, then it has gone into reverse in the strange world of local government. In Cornwall, an independent councillor suggested that children with disabilities should be “put down” as they are a burden to the tax-payer. In Swindon, the mayor decided to spend more time with his family after he asked if we are still letting “mongols” have sex with each other. According to a councillor in Henley, floods are caused by equal marriage and in Cheltenham, a former female mayor upset at housing development suggested that when rape is inevitable, it`s best to lie back and enjoy it. When a man died in a park lake in Walsall, a local councillor described the event as a “tragedy” because a lot of money had been spent doing up the park. Presumably the councillor will ensure that grief counselling is made available to the lake and the pond life that scrape along the bottom of that particular cabinet committee room.

With politically parties seemingly intent on staging a contest to see who is the most ludicrous, as elections approach the electorate are faced with the serious choice of deciding which is the slightly less ridiculous. Labour has abandoned the working class; Conservatives have abandoned the middle class, the Liberal Democrats have abandoned all hope and Farage has abandoned any pretence of rationality. In mimicking each others` increasingly odd sound-bite driven nonsense, the main political parties and Farage seemed to have morphed into one unpleasant frumious Bandersnatch.

Becoming almost indistinguishable can have advantages. Instead of spending pots of money on party political broadcasts to secure our votes by bum waving, facing up and exchanging hats, the parties could show an example of the political genius of Marx.

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1 Comment »

  1. I think the “Muslim” kerfuffle at Park View Academy might be a useful smokescreen for the real problem: a somewhat louche approach to employment relations under the “executive head”, which has seen the defenestration of staff including the former head of the junior school.

    Comment by Alan — April 18, 2014 @ 12:59 pm | Reply


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