The Plastic Hippo

June 18, 2014

My enemy`s enemy

Filed under: History,Media,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 4:01 am
Tags: , , , , , ,


Diplomacy, according to Winston Churchill, is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions. Theodore Roosevelt was more pragmatic and suggested that “if you`ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow”. Tony Blair, however, suggests that we should carry a great big stick and shout very, very loudly.

Former Prime Ministers usually do the decent thing by disappearing off into their dotage leaving memories of bygone days and are only occasionally wheeled out in public like some creepy uncle at a family funeral or wedding to make everybody else feel uncomfortable. Not so with former Prime Minister Tony Blair. Obviously, starting illegal wars based on fabricated evidence and then blowing the bejeezus out of anything that moves now allows Blair to describe himself as a Middle East peace envoy. This is a little bit like asking the Dalai Lama to command the SAS, or a little bit like putting Michael Gove in charge of education. That`s not really going to work, is it?

As the special representative of the Middle East Quartet, Blair is ignoring Einstein`s advice that repeating mistakes over and over again is the definition of stupidity. Three of the quartet, the United States, the European Union and Russia, just happen to be three of the largest arms manufacturers on the planet and the fourth, the United Nations, has lots of members who a very keen to buy and sell guns and oil. Apart from the falafel and a rich but troubled history, the Middle East is already awash with guns and oil yet Blair seems keen to blow the bejeezus out of it again.

It might be best to leave a detailed analysis of his curious and rather clumsy essay to experts more familiar with the forensic skills required to fully understand the meaning of complete and utter rubbish. This could take some time so whilst we are waiting, it seems that his message is that Middle Eastern politics and religion are complicated; so complex in fact that the best thing to do is to bomb the region to bits with pleasingly expensive fighter aircraft and safe as houses drones. For good measure, he stresses that his illegal invasions did not bring about instability and that the current horror has nothing to do with him other than the need for him to call for another war. He is sensible, though. He states:
“The beginning of understanding is to appreciate that resolving this situation is immensely complex. This is a generation long struggle. It is not a `war` which you can win or lose in some clean-cut way. There is no easy or painless solution. Intervention is hard. Partial intervention is hard. Non-intervention is hard.”
Looking good so far, Tony; but then removing one murderous cut throat to replace him with a whole bunch of murderous cut throats seems relatively easy for Blair and his old mate George Dubya. The former Prime Minister goes on to say:
“Where the extremists are fighting, they have to be countered hard, with force. This does not mean Western troops as in Iraq. There are masses of responses we can make short of that. But they need to know that wherever they`re engaged in terror, we will be hitting them.”

I might well be completely wrong, but I think the stance that Blair is keen to share seem just a little bit extreme even for a special peace envoy working for the interests of oil companies and the makers of weapons of mass destruction. Deliberately confusing extreme views with terrorism in order to re-enforce and legitimise yet another declaration of holy crusade for profit, the former MP for Sedgefield evokes the threat to homeland security as a justification to join in with unleashing hell. It seems jihadist madmen with British passports will return and cause mayhem on our streets. We can only hope they remembered to renew their passports before taking the Eurostar to Aleppo. As a member of the British Labour Party, perhaps Mr Blair is recalling the carnage and terror wreaked by fighters returning from Spain in 1938. Extremists like George Orwell, Laurie Lee, Jack Jones and other battle hardened combatants radicalised in the International Brigades during the Spanish Civil War came back to England to spread the revolutionary insanity of standing up to fascism.

Other politicians including some who are now actually in control, have latched on to the home-grown terrorist scenario and are carpet bombing public opinion with the notion that returning jihadists pose the greatest, single threat to national security ever to justify firing up the tactical strike aircraft. Always keen to be helpful, Obama has deployed a great big aircraft carrier which, with sublime serendipity, bears the name of the father, son and holy ghost of Blair`s partner in crime. Given an unfortunate history of collateral damage, the bombs might end up falling on Sedgefield. If only there were independent scientists available to assess the level of threat. Sadly, Dr David Kelly is indisposed. If only we had an impartial state broadcaster to investigate the facts. Sadly, the BBC was dismantled by the Blair government after they got too close to a rather erotic dossier. Presumably, the returning jihadists are only 45 minutes away.

When a buffoon the calibre of William Hague is tasked with British foreign policy, the threat of returning jihadists diminishes to the point of insignificance. His approach to diplomacy seems to focus on the doctrine of my enemy`s friend is not my friend unless my friend`s enemy is my enemy or possibly my friend and if my enemy is also my friend as well as being my friend`s friend then my enemy`s enemy is also my enemy unless he is actually my friend. This might explain why Hague and his chums were screaming for armed intervention in Syria to remove the murderous cut throat Assad and are now screaming for armed intervention in Iraq to stop murderous cut throats toppling the government put in place by the British and the Americans. The British government wanted to arm ISIS in Syria but now wants to bomb ISIS in Iraq. If that makes sense to you, then you are well on your way to becoming Foreign Secretary. Just don`t mention Saudi Arabia or rapprochement with Iran.

Perhaps Blair is correct in claiming that the current melt-down has nothing to do with him. After all, it was a previous British government that invented modern Iraq and its borders out of thin air in 1920 and a later British government alongside the CIA organised a coup in Iran to remove the elected democracy and replace it with the Shah. It might be best not to mention that the Akkadian, Sumerian, Assyrian and Babylonian Empires pre-date the invention of the internal combustion engine and the unmanned combat aerial vehicle controlled from a bunker somewhere below Nevada. It would be unwise to suggest that the fall of Baghdad is an event only to be enjoyed by western governments and equally inappropriate to point out that western governments armed Saddam in his war against Iran.

This my enemy`s enemy stuff is strangely contagious. For example, I agree with Boris Johnson when he says that Blair should “put a sock in it” and further advises the former Prime Minister that it`s “paper bag on head time.” Unfortunately, Boris Johnson is completely bonkers and is no friend of mine or, indeed, of Londoners. With the long-delayed, expensive and redacted report into Blair`s involvement with the 2003 invasion of Iraq now buried as deep into the desert as the disappeared Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the former Prime Minister might now be emboldened to up his public profile beyond his lucrative lecture tours and the occasional rendezvous with the exotic former wives of newspaper tycoons, but he really should seek help for his attention deficit disorder.

If you were to ever encounter Mr Blair, it might be diplomatic not to mention Sir John Chilcot.

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: