The Plastic Hippo

August 26, 2014

Lesbian lizards from space



It is surprising how quickly the world returns to normal after a week or so away and once the front door has been forced open against the pile of correspondence and once the countless emails have been ignored, it is almost as if the holiday never actually happened.

Not so this time however. Something in the glue that holds the universe together had changed and something odd seems to have provoked the entire planet to jump the shark. The first clue that the reality bill was overdue came when an anxious teenager deprived of television phoned a friend to find out what happened in the latest episode of Dr Who. Others suffering from cold turkey demanded that the call be placed onto the speaker and we heard this:
“Well the lizard lady and her maid are in a lesbian marriage and living in Victorian London with a miniature version of Eric Pickles, a T-Rex spontaneously combusted and a cyborg that looked like David Cameron was impaled on the top of Big Ben and then went to heaven.” I retreated to the comfort of news websites only to find that the surrealism was pandemic.

It seems that William Hague claimed parliamentary expenses of £264.65 for advertising and £77.50 to hire the town hall in his constituency to protest against his government`s attack on the NHS. As a cabinet minister, Hague consistently and repeatedly voted for the privatisation of the Health Service and consistently and repeatedly slagged of Doctors and Nurses in a voice not entirely dissimilar to a Dalek.

You might remember that just a year ago, Hague was the Foreign Secretary who wanted to arm murderous terrorists in Syria in the hope of bringing down the evil Assad regime. Now, his equally reptilian successor Philip Hammond is arming the Kurds in the hope of bringing down the murderous terrorists hoping to bring down the evil Assad regime and some are talking of cooperating with the evil Assad regime to bring down the murderous terrorists. Like a Dr Who plot, nobody seems to have a bloody clue what is going on.

Mercifully, the clueless Hague has moved on before questions about care homes for boys in North Wales get too close to home and Hammond will not be around for long enough to answer for the consequences of arming the Kurds. Time And Relative Dimension In Space has been further bent by the legacy of the creature known as Michael Gove. The Master`s dastardly plan to ruin the education of young people has been thwarted by those pesky kids actually passing A-levels and GCSEs. Failing Chris Grayling continues to ignore the British legal system and the hopeless Jeremy Hunt has incurred the wrath of not just The Doctor, but every other Doctor as well. The space-time continuum is truly warped when a scary monster in the shape of Iain Duncan Smith still walks the earth and is not banged up in Belmarsh or Rampton.

When the people of Gaza display solidarity with the people of Ferguson Missouri and offer advice on what to do when attacked with tear gas, a tiny Eric Pickles seems almost credible. A dinosaur wading in the Thames before exploding is nothing compared to what is about to happen to the Liberal Democrats now that they have allowed the unpleasant Lord Rennard back into the fold. Perhaps lesbian lizards on prime-time Saturday night television is not as preposterous as it sounds.

After all, David Cameron is still the Prime Minister.


  1. Well done Mr Hippo, first back for the new term!

    Comment by medici2471 — August 26, 2014 @ 12:13 am | Reply

  2. (Comment removed by the plastic hippo just for the sake of it)

    Comment by Rob — August 26, 2014 @ 11:36 pm | Reply

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