The Plastic Hippo

October 2, 2014

Taking Tiger Mountain



According to the BBC, if you speak your mind in Hong Kong you are a pro-democracy supporter demanding freedom but, according to the Home Secretary, if you speak your mind in the United Kingdom then you are a murderous terrorist who must be silenced. There can be no better commemoration of the imposition of a ruthless, totalitarian junta than patriotic speeches in Beijing and in Birmingham`s magnificent Symphony Hall.

In terms of simple hilarity, the 2014 Conservative Party Conference has been the most successful celebration of eye watering hypocrisy since communist China`s notorious cultural revolution. The Tory long march to the dismantling of society, the end of compassion and the destruction of common decency concluded with a stirring yet vacuous speech from the most inadequate Prime Minister in living memory. If this wide-boy survives until May it will be conclusive proof that God has a strange sense of humour.

The opening of the conference set the tone for the following four days of utter nonsense. Party chair-thing Grant Shapps berated traitors and defectors against a disturbing backdrop of Midwich Cuckoos in the form of the Conservative Youth. It all seemed very Nuremburg. Grant Shapps, or Michael Green or Sebastian Fox or Corinne Stockheath depending of which alias Shapps is using this week, described defectors as cowards, cheats and liars. This is from a Chairman of the Conservative Party who only escaped prosecution on charges of fraud because he is the Chairman of the Conservative Party.

Failing Grayling once again displayed his complete lack of understanding regarding the British legal system and needs reminding that ignorance of the law is not mitigation or a legitimate defence when charges are pressed. Iain Duncan Smith who has wasted billions in pursuing vindictive, eugenic purges announced food vouchers for the poor because, according to his warped ideology, poor people are alcoholics and drug addicts.

Boris Johnston appeared with a brick in his hand which, at first glance, appeared to be a Guardian typo or some perverse tribute to the mercifully absent Brooks Newmark of genitalia selfie fame. Poor Brooks; doubly cursed with a stupid name and boyish good looks that young women find irresistible, his downfall was engineered not by some delightful twenty something popsie from the Home Counties, but by a seedy bloke peddling trash to the tabloids. So much for a civil society.

The Home Secretary drove a Chieftain tank through the right to free expression, concern and criticism of government and demanded that terrorists be silenced. This briefly gave some hope to long term unemployed Gerry Adams impersonators but the reality is that voice-over artists in Riyadh will, unfortunately, make a killing. Her record on silencing terrorists is not all that clever. Abu Qatada was released in Jordan due to lack of evidence regarding terrorist activities, Anjem Choudary was arrested at the start of the party conference but was back on the streets giving media interviews a few days later and Moazzam Begg has had all charges against him dropped. If the Home Secretary is serious about stopping people “spreading poisonous hatred”, perhaps she should start by having a quiet word with Iain Duncan Smith and Cameron`s chums at the BBC and News International.

The final day of the Conservative Party conference ended in a crescendo of desperation. If a Prime Minister needs a pathetic Michael Gove to be his warm up act, then the Farage people`s army must be rubbing their hands and various other body parts with glee. Cameron`s speech was hilarious and was filled with straight to autocue complete and utter testicles. Pie in the sky, jam tomorrow promises of tax cuts for rich people if, and when, people claiming benefits have been eradicated and the terrible tax burden shouldered by hedge fund millionaires enjoyed equality of air time with spreading poisonous hatred of an ineffectual Labour opposition. At one point, Cameron displayed his complete lack of understanding regarding British democracy by actually saying “vote for me”. Well, Mr Cameron, in this country we do not vote for presidents, we vote for constituency representatives.

There is little by way of alternatives to this shyster. There is Boris Johnston with his brick in his hand appealing to the delightful young popsies of the Home Counties. There is Nick Clegg but he is a dead man walking. There is the pretty useless Ed Miliband and there is the Farage creature. I, for one, would feel unease at being in the same room as this rather strange person let alone being in the same nation state. Cameron made a direct appeal to electorate to trust him and judge him on his record. Oh dear.

What kind of Prime Minister promises to abolish human rights “once and for all”?

What kind of political party gives him a standing ovation for making such a pledge?

What kind of father would evoke, once again, the name of his dead child to score cheap political points and attempt to mask the lies he has told about the NHS?

Ladies and gentlemen, Prime Minister David Cameron; taking Tiger Mountain by strategy.

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