The Plastic Hippo

October 26, 2014

Disgusted of Chipping Norton

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There can be few things as unintentionally funny as witnessing a conman bluster manufactured outrage after being accused of being a conman and then proven to be a conman. The usual defence of indignant silence when presented with evidential facts goes out of the window once the game is up. When the stock response to being caught red handed is not to dignify sordid allegations of being bang to rights with a rebuttal will not work, then the only course of action is to summon up carefully rehearsed apoplectic fury.

David Cameron`s tub-thumping lectern abuse in Brussels on Friday was not just hilarious, but also smacked of a chocolate covered kid denying he had stolen the Mars Bar. To be fair to the Chipping Norton conman, being presented with an unexpected bill for nearly £1.7billion would make any of us bang the table and search out someone to punch. The problem for Cameron is that no amount of synthetic anger can divert attention away from the fact that this useless Prime Minister has brought it on himself, or rather us as we will be paying the bill.

It would be futile to attempt to explain to clueless Dave that the EU surcharge is part of a “fair” contribution adjustment mechanism as agreed by his government and works a little bit like taxation. Fairness and compliance with tax law is something of a closed book to Cameron and his chums but his bravura performance now means that we can all shout and bang fists and refuse to pay the next time the brown envelope arrives from HMRC. It seems the idiot Osborne knew about all this in advance but was too busy wearing hard hats and high viz tabards and droning out the mantra that his long-term economic plan is working and could not spare the time to tell Dave that the bill was breaking down the door with a battering ram.

Osborne has blown this big time. His magic austerity has closed hospitals, sold education, destroyed local government, demonised people with disabilities, increased the deficit, debt and borrowing and made British citizens take their own lives. Using dubious statistics from the deeply suspicious Office for National Statistics and the Office for Budget Responsibility, crooks like Osborne and Cameron tells us that the economy is growing, the sun is shining, the turnip harvest is up 200 per cent and that we will all have free beer tomorrow. The only growth that is evident is the length of their noses and the enormous popularity of food banks.

It is far from clear how the European Commission arrived at the figure of a £1.7billion payback but it seems that the bill was calculated using data provided by the UK government. Interestingly, Cameron`s regime changed the calculation to include the black economy so the turnover from prostitution, drug dealing, fraud, violent crime and tax evasion are now important contributors to gross national product. It makes you proud to be British. For months the government has been telling people who are starving to death that the long-term economic plan is working and proved this irrefutable fact by releasing optimistic charts and graphs on an almost daily basis. Sadly, those evil European bureaucrats have caught sight of the nonsense and concluded that if the UK is doing so well then it needs to cough up some Wonga as enshrined in the European Charter.

Cameron has been found out and has taken to thumping bits of stage furniture in abject desperation. Terrified of losing another by election to barking mad kippers, he is shifting his stance on continued membership of the European Union in the hope of being allowed to continue as a member of parliament and possibly as a member of the human race. The Farage creature is already frothing further idiocy and talks of European vampires sucking the blood from UK taxpayers. It does not make you proud to be British, or European or even human. Not content with ruining the nation of his birth, Europe in general and the rest of the world, Cameron has gone from being a mere liability to becoming the root of the problem.

Lecterns across Europe can rest easy tonight safe in the knowledge that any confrontation with disgusted of Chipping Norton will result in a resounding victory. Being made of Perspex, wood, autocue and polished aluminium, they possess an infinitely greater understanding of politics, economics, fairness and basic humanity than the shyster we are unfortunate enough to call our Prime Minister.

1 Comment »

  1. Reblogged this on Getting There.

    Comment by Aiden McHaffie — October 26, 2014 @ 10:55 am | Reply

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