The Plastic Hippo

November 8, 2014

Iron Chancellor



History might remember Otto von Bismarck as an aggressive, bullying stereotype in a silly pointy hat but, apart from the unpleasantness with Denmark, Austria and France, the Iron Chancellor managed to create a unified Germany and manufactured a relatively peaceful Western Europe until the turn of the 19th century. He also had a way with pithy one-liners some of which, even by today`s standards, are really rather funny. Proving forever that it is incorrect to suggest that Prussians lack a sense of humour, Otto once said:
“If you like laws and sausages, you should never watch either one being made.”

George Osborne might be remembered as a half-witted, inbred stereotype in what looks suspiciously like a silly syrup, but he has managed to create a disunited kingdom and an absolutely massive growth in manufacturing. Sadly, the only things being manufactured are distrust, division, distraction, despair and downright lies. If you like an equitable EU budget contribution adjustment and pork pies, look away now; preferably at that odd looking bloke over there eating a bacon butty.

Osborne emerged triumphant from the European finance meeting after achieving precisely almost nothing with the pithy on-liner;
“It`s a victory for Britain.”
All that was missing was the inane grin and a thumbs-up. The broadcast media swallowed the hook, line and sinker and for good measure gobbled up the rod and the angler. As the hours went by, the BBCs radio news output transformed into the two old blokes from the Muppet Show:
“It was great…it was okay…it was average…it was terrible.”
Auntie could not, however, bring itself to actually report that Osborne and Cameron are telling the country huge whoppers and anyone with the temerity to state the actually facts of this humiliation was described as a “critic” or “opponent” of George Osborne. However, one American news outlet ran the headline;
“EU rejects UK begging bowl.”

Cameron`s table banging antics of a couple of weeks ago proved to be as empty as his promises on just about everything else and the entire £1.7billion will be paid in full. This is definitely not incompetence but a carefully designed strategy that reeks of the dark hands of mysterious “treasury advisors” who tell Osborne what to do and say and the stench of Lynton Crosby. Half the money will be paid just after the General Election next May and the other half paid out of the rebate that will have already been incorporated into the financial planning of the next parliament. This tactic might just suggest to some cynical observers that the folks pulling the strings are expecting a Labour landslide in exactly six months time.

This might also explain the extraordinary attacks on Miliband. Heaven knows Miliband is no JFK but he is all that Labour has and probably the only hope that this nation has of reversing the ruinous ideology of a corrupt coalition. If I were a betting man, I would put my kid`s future student debt on him being the next Prime Minister. The Tories are terrified and are resorting to playground “your mother” insults or, in the case of Miliband, “your father” insults. The attacks are becoming so ridiculous that it is no coincidence that Lynton Crosby manufactured a Labour leadership crisis 24 hours before the Osborne debacle. It seems that two or possibly three Labour MPs complained about their boss and a compliant media ran it as the main story. There was no mention of the possible 98 Conservative MPs who are considering signing a letter expressing no confidence in their boss. Formerly respected broadcast news journalists asked each other “just how deep is the trouble Ed Miliband is in” and if there “is any future for him.” Jack Straw appeared on the PM programme to be asked about rapprochement between the US and Iran but ended up being asked “how much of a liability is Ed Miliband.”. I am not a fan of Miliband or of Labour`s abandoned soul but this level of childish vilification manufactured by a failed government has encouraged me to vote on May 7th and I will not be voting Liberal Democrat.

Cameron and Osborne are, in many ways, remarkably similar to Otto von Bismarck but lack the pithy one-liners. The Iron Chancellor was born into the Junker minor aristocracy and regarded privilege and wealth as a divine right to govern. Interestingly, minor aristocrats Cameron and Osborne are facing up to a newly elected President of the European Commission who is not a minor aristocrat. As a proud Englishman, I am looking forward to witnessing this man take apart the lies and nastiness of Dave and George. With delicious irony, the man they tried so hard to oppose rejoices in the name Jean-Claude Juncker. Bonne chance and viel erfolg Mr Cameron.

Bismarck summed it up when he said:
“People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.”
Nice one, Otto.


  1. Good stuff, Hippo! What was the “US news outlet”? A link would be appreciated.

    Comment by Alan H — November 9, 2014 @ 4:46 pm | Reply

  2. An excellent read. Good points, well made.

    Comment by Barry Crutchley — November 9, 2014 @ 5:36 pm | Reply

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