The Plastic Hippo

December 19, 2014

Film 2015

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: , ,


As a result of an unprecedented terrorist cyber attack, the lucrative North Korean film industry has withdrawn from release a new comedy film that depicts a plot to assassinate UK Communities minister Eric Pickles.

Described as a “harmless romp”, the movie that was produced in Pyongyang`s premier Japanese owned studio is thought to ridicule the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government in a series of sexist and racially stereotypical sight gags with particular emphasis on his physical appearance, silly name and irrational egocentric behaviour. At various points in the film, Mr Pickles is compared to Jabba the Hut, a Soltaran from Doctor Who, Humpty Dumpty and even a complete and utter waste of space.

The terrorist cyber attack threatened those involved in the production of the film and went further by suggesting that any members of the North Korean public attending a screening would be at risk of physical violence. The cyber attack plot almost certainly originates from the unelected Westminster coalition government and barking mad dictators around the Pacific Rim are rightly considering the situation as a threat to national security.

The Great Leader, Eric Pickles, with great dignity has dismissed this disgraceful attack with serene silence and continues to heroically cut funding to local councils whilst claiming 10 grand for biscuits and for a limo to convey his ample derriere to and from his place of employment. On the day that obesity was considered to be a disability, his department considered that libraries, schools and social care were less of a priority than a pay rise for MPs and imaginatively produced statistics to prove that North Korea is a land of milk and honey.

The production costs of the film, titled “You Great Big Fat Bastard” for the European and North American markets, have had to be written off which has caused a slump in the share prices of the North Korean division of the Sorry Corporation. However, in a determined effort to defend freedom of expression and make lots of money from cinema audiences, the Sorry Corporation`s London operation has commissioned a new screenplay for an action movie depicting a plot by Eric Pickles to assassinate local government and destroy community services.

Casting negotiations are already taking place and film industry insiders are suggesting that Angelina Jolie will play Mr Pickles lunch. There are suggestions that the Secretary of State will be portrayed by either Johnny Depp, Kim Jong-un or the result of a week`s mucking out at the elephant house at Whipsnade Zoo.

Filming is due to start in early May 2015. Just after the General Election.

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