The Plastic Hippo

January 8, 2015

This is not a religion

Filed under: Faith,History,Politics — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
Tags: , , , ,
Via Charlie Hebdo

Via Charlie Hebdo

Penguins, the duck-billed Platypus, Kim Jong-un and Jeremy Hunt provide irrefutable proof that God, if he exists, has a wonderful sense of humour.

As the great creator of all things, He has consistently provided us with a right old laugh by placing things like the Spanish Inquisition, the Westboro Baptist Church and Nigel Farage on the face of the earth to keep us amused as we struggle to know and worship His divine authority. After giving us Caligula, Genghis Khan, Robespierre, Stalin and that funny little bloke with the funny little moustache, it`s fairly safe to say the God knows a thing or two about satire. God, in His infinite wisdom, understands a joke.

It is preposterous to suggest that a long established major world religion based on love, peace and kindness could ever have its existence threatened by a cartoon. With 1.6 billion believers (that`s almost 25 per cent of the planet`s population) who are getting on with life and generally being nice, a few violent and profoundly thick idiots are not representative of an entire, massive pigeon-hole. God, in His mercy, knows who the bad guys are.

Only God knows absolute truth and any religion, be it Abrahamic, Space Pixie Planet Jihad Adventists or the Little Sisters of the Shopping Channel Evangelical Church of the Book of Mammon must expect scrutiny, questions, criticism and even ridicule if it wishes to be taken seriously. Wise theologians will employ reason and understanding rather than an assault rifle to make their point. Shooting total strangers in the head or blowing up people who believe in the faith that you might or might not believe in is not necessarily a passport to the land of milk and honey. God, in His beneficence, is perfectly capable of defending his own reputation thank you very much.

There are 12 lying dead in Paris and others clinging to life. There is nothing even remotely funny about that. We can all agree to differ, but we cannot agree that taking another human life is justifiable in the name of God. God, who is all seeing, must be weeping uncontrollably at what He has created and will as a caring God, no doubt abandon us and start again somewhere else. On behalf of the human race I would just like to say “Sorry God, we let you down, thanks again for the shopping malls.”

There is something beyond understandable horror regarding the Paris murders. Why would extremist terrorists offended by cartoons target a satirical magazine with a small circulation and very little influence? Before the atrocity, few people had seen the illustrations but now the world has seen them. Is that the way to defend God? There are reports that the attack was carefully planned and executed with great precision. Is that the action of fairly stupid, crazed zealots more likely to shoot themselves in the foot than get anywhere near harming the western, capitalist, Zionist conspiracy? There is more to this than meets the eye.

What makes this even more bizarre is the reaction of the right around Europe and beyond. In the UK, the Farage creature defended satire and talked of a “fifth column” that “hates us”. Cameron rushes to the defence of a free press and free speech even as he initiates legislation to curb free speech and a free press. On social media, the loony right are tweeting “Je suis Charlie” without any previous knowledge of the publication or ever having perused the scandalous rag. If they had actually bought a copy, they might find that “Charlie Hebdo” would anger them and they might even consider shooting the cartoonists and the editorial staff in the head. It appears that any opportunity to pigeon-hole a major world religion as a terrorist threat is impossible to resist. It might be sacrilegious to ask who will benefit from stoking up racial and religious intolerance. Satire is far from dead. God, in His omnipotence, can spot hypocrisy from about 300million light years.

I like penguins and I like the duck-billed Platypus; they make me laugh. I like satire and I like being alive. Please God, in all your knowing kindness, please stop these heretics from killing people, killing me, killing my family and killing other families. This religion stuff is getting out of hand.

Thanks and amen.

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: