The Plastic Hippo

February 3, 2015

Stop it

Filed under: Education,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 2:59 pm
Tags: , , , ,
No Mr Cameron, it`s not witchcraft, it`s called physics.

No Mr Cameron, it`s not witchcraft, it`s called physics.

Not that any of them will listen but please, please, please cabinet ministers and shadow cabinet ministers; stop organising photo opportunities in classrooms. You do not belong there – the teacher does not want you there – the Head teacher wishes you would go away – the parents hate you – the children are terrified of you and, if you are honest for a change, you will admit that you don`t want to be there either.

Spare yourselves from the toe-curling embarrassment of asking a child what he or she has learnt today. Free yourself of having to endure the torture of forcing a smile upon some scrounging infant or nodding intensely when a Classroom Assistant tells you that the children he or she supports are coming to school hungry and cold. Stay away – it is political suicide to engage with this flow of flotsam who are years away from the ballot box and can only aspire to mediocrity in the education system that you have systematically destroyed. Do not be tempted by the play dough or the sand pit or the white board or the computer terminal that doesn`t work because protecting the education budget means that it is disconnected. Just tell the kids it will be back once you have been elected.

Whatever you do, don`t go anywhere near the staff room – it`s full of Marxists. Do not engage with Governors – they are all Jihadists. Do not under any circumstance attempt to talk to parents – they are all indescribably stupid. Stay away from children – when they grow up they might just testify. Avoid responsibility – it`s what you do best. Play to your strengths – keep telling lies. Make the most of your abilities by striving to achieve even a basic level of competence through rigorous testing before and after every playtime and don`t forget to document your results and “outcomes” or Ofsted will turn up and give you a thorough, but reasonable, kicking.

Surestart – nah. BSF –nah. Ring fenced sixth form funding – nah. EMA – nah. Tuition fees – yay. Dodgy Academies run for the profit of Hedge Funds and Tory donors – oh yes please.

For goodness sake politicians, stay away from schools. You have caused enough damage already.

1 Comment »

  1. thank you for your posts

    Comment by davidh936 — February 3, 2015 @ 9:10 pm | Reply

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