The Plastic Hippo

March 26, 2015

Six weeks to go

Altrustic community work

Altrustic community work

Only the meanest of spirits and the smallest of minds would deny some level of sympathy for the hapless Afzal Amin. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the former Conservative parliamentary candidate for marginal Dudley North and a former “strategist” in the British Army Adjutant General`s Corps would run rings around the bone-headed EDL. Sadly, Mr Amin will be remembered as the idiot who tried to use, dupe and double-cross a bunch of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals only to be used, duped and double-crossed by the same knuckle-dragging Neanderthals. Imagine being thought of as less bright than the idiot who leads the EDL.

Astonishingly, the Westminster wannabe defended his plan to promote racial tension and bring fear, hatred and violence to the streets of Dudley by describing his actions as “altruistic, community service work”. Claiming that he has been “grossly misrepresented” by the media even though caught bang to rights on tape, he cited his experience in conflict resolution during tours of duty in Afghanistan and we all know how well that turned out. It is also alleged that he offered money to the EDL and invited criticism from Muslim leaders in Dudley in order to curry favour with bigots intending to vote kipper.

Learning from his masters, Afzal decided to bluff the whole thing out with the promise of a robust defence. Unfortunately, after the equivalent of 48 hours sleep deprivation with a sack over his head and with a One Direction CD on loop at a million decibels in the basement of CCHQ, he decided not to be a “distraction” and resigned. If he remains ambitious, he could always join the Farage creature`s barmy army. Oh – hang on – maybe not. The next government of whatever political persuasion will need to build more prisons to house the increasing numbers of kippers unfortunate enough to have been caught making an honest mistake.

Conservative party Chairman Grant Shapps has welcomed Afzal`s decision to resign as a candidate and publicly thanked him for his work in the past. Grant Shapps, you may recall, is a serial liar and fraudster and his handling of this sorry affair displays a complete ignorance of the considerable power at the disposal of both irony and the common law. Director General of the BBC, Tony Hall publicly thanked Jeremy Clarkson for his work in the past and possibly for being a friend of the Prime Minister shortly after cancelling his contract. Irony and the common law have become meaningless. Shapps has gone to ground, explaining that “diary issues” prevent him from being questioned in public; Clarkson is in discussions with some dreadful TV stations and poor Afzal Amin is hoping for a zero hours contract stacking shelves in a Dudley supermarket.

These episodes prove conclusively that the Conservative Party is the most diverse and ethnically equal of all political parties. Muslims, Jews, Gentiles, women, Jedi, Mormons, gay, Klingons, Seventh Day Adventists, Hindus, Buddhists, Scientologists, Vogons and newly discovered parliamentary candidates supporting unknown football teams in the hope of garnering votes are all welcome. The only proviso is that you must be a lying, cheating, self-serving, power hungry complete and utter bastard. There is complete equality in greed.

Presiding over this unholy pantomime is party leader David Cameron – oh dear, dear me. Taking instructions from his media minders he was told to get out there and say something to distract media attention away from Amin and Shapps. The result was complete genius. The staged-managed BBC package showed Cameron shouting instructions and encouragement to little boys playing football. Then, in a kitchen more luxurious than that of his opponent, he prepared a salad. Is there no end to this man`s talents? When asked by an old Etonian if the disadvantage of being “posh” was evidence of discrimination, the old Etonian Prime Minister said that it did not stop him becoming Prime Minister. Oh how they chortled at that little in-joke.

But that was not enough of a distraction to divert attention away from a woeful track record and a load of lying bastards within the Tory party. Lynton Crosby obviously gave Cameron three options to avoid difficult questions. First; drop your trousers and show your bum. Second; plonk your todger on the worktop. Third; say you will not stand for a third term. The nation is grateful that Cameron decided on option three. The assumption that this shyster who did not win a first term and is looking shaky in the May election will still be around in 2020 is breathtaking in its arrogance. The desperation is becoming palpable. The attempt to character assassinate Miliband has made the Labour leader more popular and the insistence that economic recovery is a reality is comparable to saying Afzal Amin single-handedly brought peace to Afghanistan and even Dudley.

Anyway – spare a thought for Afzal Amin and Jeremy Clarkson and David Cameron and even Grant Shapps. They are completely innocent and only got caught because of a terrorist communist plot. The good news is that there are plenty of potential job opportunities beyond the general election for these lying, cheating, self-serving, power hungry complete and utter bastards.

Cameron could host Top Gear and there is a vacancy for a Tory candidate in Dudley North which Clarkson might be interested in. Good luck chaps – try not to be too posh.

1 Comment »

  1. Imagination, drive, boldness. Just some of the positive qualities Afzal may (truthfully) include in his next job application.

    Comment by Suzanne MacLeod — March 26, 2015 @ 6:00 am | Reply

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