The Plastic Hippo

September 14, 2015

Four claws

Filed under: Politics — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
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A retirement do at an Estate Agents

A retirement do at an Estate Agents

Observers already missing the knockabout slapstick farce of the Labour leadership campaign can find solace in the oeuvre of Richard and Karen Carpenter and in the opus magna of Bachman-Turner Overdrive. In terms of puerile name-calling “We`ve Only Just Begun” and if you enjoy hysterical mud-slinging then “You Ain`t Seen Nothing Yet.” After a seemingly endless four months of screaming “unity is strength” at each other, it appears that there are only two categories of Labour Party member. Astonishingly, after all these years, it turns out that the Labour movement is entirely populated by either Trotskyites or Tories.

However, the long, shambolic and rather nasty campaign with dark talk of “entryism” and “purges” has at long last stirred Labour into becoming a vocal if vitriolic opposition. Unfortunately, the leadership candidates directed all their efforts at each other and not at a vicious Conservative government. It was tempting to compare the four hopefuls to small children squabbling amongst themselves as a much bigger boy keeps pinching their dinner money. Instead of standing together to kick the bully on the shins, they and their supporters were content to attack each other for the right to be first in line to receive another beating from Flashman and his gang of cronies.

The electorate might expect outrageous fiction and complete drivel to come spewing out of a feral media and a rabid Conservative Party and the electorate were not disappointed. Not content with picking the nation`s Prime Minister, the Murdoch press also wished to pick the leader of the opposition. Goodness knows what dirt Murdoch has on the likes of Dan Jarvis and Chuka Umunna that compelled those two likely leadership candidates to rule themselves out even before the piece had begun. Murdoch`s hatred of Andy Burnham for exposing his poisonous rag`s coverage of the Hillsborough disaster indicates that the News International pit is not only full of cess but is also bottomless. Within 24 hours of Rebekah Brooks being transferred back to the Murdoch Empire rather than Holloway prison, the Sun ran a headline describing the Labour leadership candidates as “Cowards” for not demanding an immediate declaration of war to end a situation that Murdoch is too stupid to comprehend.

The treatment handed out to Corbyn was even more laughable as all media outlets and the parliamentary Labour Party sharpened knives and spat bile. It seems that he is an ally of terrorists because he addressed a conference full of people wishing to explore a peaceful solution to the madness engulfing the Middle East by starting his speech with the word “friends”. Presumably, the media and others who can`t stand the bloke would have preferred him to start his speech with; “Friends, apart from you two murderous bastards at the back in headscarves and sunglasses – you are going down”. That is not an opening line that is likely to kick start a peace process. It has been reported that he described the killing of Osama Bin Laden as a “tragedy” and that he intends to impose gender segregation on public transport. It seems that he is anti-Semitic because he is not too keen on what Israel is doing in Gaza and the other Occupied Territories. Sadly, the strategy of spin and smear backfired and people searched for the words that Corbyn actually said and as a result voted him in as leader with what can only be described as a landslide and, more importantly, an unassailable mandate.

On the night of his victory, BBC News excelled itself with a Jeremy Corbyn bingo card worthy of a News International promo. Prep School…tick…new suit…tick…vegetarian…tick…cyclist…tick…Hamas…tick…Gerry Adams…tick…old footage of him looking like Charles Manson…tick…comrade…tick…Hezbollah…tick…Hugo Chavez…tick…Citizen Smith…tick…Bingo…full house. The following evening the BBC reported that he was “holed up” in the House of Commons but was “tracked down” to a “fun day” in his constituency after declining to attend a televised monstering from Andrew Marr. What was not reported was that his deputy, Tom Watson was monstering Marr, Corbyn attended a fundraiser for his local NHS Trust mental health provision and that he was trying to form a new shadow cabinet.

Now, as names are emerging and portfolios are being allocated, predominately white, middle-aged men have suddenly discovered feminism. Apparently it is outrageous that white middle-aged men should be governed by the collective responsibility of a shadow cabinet with a majority of women. This whole thing is becoming more and more absurd and the hysterical barking at the moon is evidence that Corbyn is frightening the life out of the old order. At this late hour, there is still time to be even more radical and make countless heads explode. If Corbyn were to appoint Caroline Lucas of the Green Party as shadow Environment minister, Liz Saville Roberts of Plaid Cymru as shadow Welsh Secretary and the brilliant Mhairi Black of the SNP as Scottish Secretary, then just think of the fun and games that would ensue at the Palace of Westminster. It seems that, at last, we finally have an opposition.

Corbyn, of course, is doomed. He might be an honourable, principled man even if slightly deluded, but no human being will be able to endure the absolute hell that will now be unleashed on him. He is wrong on so many things but will be remembered for attempting to drag the Labour Party back to somewhere near its original principles. Who could possibly have imagined that in 2015 the Labour Party would actually be led by an actual socialist? Those shadow ministers who craved power regardless of principal and resigned rather than being sacked even as Corbyn was delivering his acceptance speech, should maybe think about the concept of unity as strength.

The new supreme leader of the Bolshevik politburo of Great Britain will be lucky to last a year and it is worth remembering that he did not want the job in the first place. Persuaded to enter the contest to offer a little balance to the mimicry of Tory unpleasantness and only just managing to make it onto the ballot paper, he now finds himself in the headlights of a media and government juggernaut. But his achievement is already colossal as has become evident with Cameron stating that the Labour Party is a threat to “our” national security, “our” economic security and “your” family`s security. Cameron has clearly jumped the shark and if this idiot PM has any hope of being taken seriously he should retract such a defamatory statement. Either that or render Corbyn to Belmarsh, Yarl`s Wood or Guantanamo and declare that the Labour Party is a banned terrorist organisation. You can surely see in which direction all of this is heading.

Corbynites have even dared to raise the spectre of Clause Four. At this point it is worth pointing out that “Corbynite” is a horrible term as it is reminiscent of something you stuff down Superman`s underpants in order to make him limp. It is also worth pointing out the wording of Clause Four that Blair abandoned shortly before becoming the Godfather to a Murdoch child and having “intense” political discussions with the media mogul`s former wife.

Clause Four
“To secure for the workers by hand or by brain the full fruits of their industry and the most equitable distribution thereof that may be possible upon the basis of the common ownership of the means of production, distribution and exchange, and the best obtainable system of popular administration and control of each industry or service.”

Clearly this is blatant terrorism as it would divert money away from rich people who employ brokers and accountants to bear the full fruits of getting richer by being rich. I am not a fan of Corbyn and would not join a political party that could not organise a leadership election in a room occupied by a solitary Nelson Mandela. However, I do admire his courage.

I also hope that he does not become the focus of bonkers conspiracy theorists obsessed by the deaths of Hugh Gaitskell, John Smith and Robin Cook.

Stay healthy, Jeremy.

1 Comment »

  1. Your description of Corbyns treatment by the media is coruscatingly good. You rightly mock Labour and its attempts to remain ‘New’, despite overwhelming evidence that Labour supporters have had more than their fill of Blair/Cameron tactical politics.

    By his own admission, Corbyn may not be Prime Minister. He might even be Labours Duncan Smith moment. On second thoughts, scrub that. Corbyn supports Clause 4. Duncan Smith supports in-built discrimination and destitution.

    At least, we, the electorate are being challenged to think and act differently. No wonder Cameron, Gideon and Blair have already kick-started the usual mass media hysteria around defence, immigration and so-called national security.

    If nothing else, Corbyn and Watson, unfettered by the Labour PLP, will certainly demand a rapid end date to the Chilcott enquiry and its full publication. This just might be the end of Blair, his cronies and their sagging political standing.

    Elections are seldom won from the left, but sometimes right, in an odd way, might prevail.

    The Realist

    Comment by The Realist — September 14, 2015 @ 11:56 am | Reply

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