The Plastic Hippo

November 9, 2015

Bad company

Filed under: History,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: , , , ,


I know that my disgraceful behaviour and offensive lack of respect has caused incalculable distress and justifiable outrage. I have brought shame upon my family; I have let myself down and I have let the nation down. No possible apology is even remotely acceptable and I can only throw myself at the mercy of my betters in the vain hope of forgiveness. There are no excuses or vacuous invented justifications; I did what I did and I`m very, very sorry.

I could claim that nobody saw me and I had only popped up to the shop for some milk, cat food and 20 B and H. I could try and weasel my way out by saying it was accidental because it was raining and I automatically put on my big coat. But the cold, hard facts remain and no amount of talk of lessons being learned or of drawing a line and moving on can undo the damage and anger I have caused. I went out in public on the morning of Remembrance Sunday not wearing a poppy.

I was, however, heartened to hear the words of General Sir Nicholas Houghton, the head of the Armed Forces, who said that people not wearing a poppy are not necessarily, being disrespectful. The General also said that he was “very worried” by the thought of Jeremy Corbyn becoming Prime Minister because the leader of the opposition is unwilling to order the mutually assured destruction of billions of people based on the advice of generals. I realise that my poppy-less state on Sunday morning is entirely my responsibility and I trust that General Sir Nick has sufficient knowledge of military history to realise what kicks off when military men interfere with elected democracy especially on Remembrance Sunday.

The general might be worried that with a shrinking army, he may have to give up his lovely new Trident replacement but I am more worried about the possibility of a New Model Cromwell or a diet Idi Amin or a British Pinochet-lite. Amin was certainly a barbaric monster but his decision to expel people from Uganda in 1972 eventually led to a harmonious integration into the UK of the dispossessed, honest enterprise and the opportunity for me to buy milk, cat food and 20 B and H on a Sunday morning.

At about the same time that Amin was doing his worst, the US were developing a replacement for the Polaris and Poseidon nuclear weapons systems and the UK went along for the ride. By 1980 the deal was signed and way before the first Vanguard submarine slipped moorings from the giant target painted onto the geography of the west of Scotland in 1994, the whole thing was subjected to protest and some withering satire.

The very first episode of “Yes Prime Minister”, the replacement for the outdated “Yes Minister”, depicted an unlikely PM facing the reality of launching Armageddon. Considered to be a fine example of British television comedy at the time, the episode now seems like an absolutely terrifying fly-on-the-wall documentary complete with vain politicians, devious senior civil servants and even an ambitious Chief of Defence Staff. It is 27 minutes long but it is worth sticking with. Astonishingly, it first went to air in January 1986.

The political intervention by General Sir Nicholas Houghton suggests that my cardinal sin of leaving the house not adorned with a poppy the size of a satellite dish might one day be forgiven. Jeremy Corbyn, however, is beyond redemption and clearly remains a threat to national security. Not only did he turn up at the cenotaph dressed in dark suit and tie and wearing a poppy, “that man”, as the current PM describes him, displayed blatant hypocrisy and disrespect by placing an entire wreath of poppies and had the nerve, the very nerve, to bow his head in remembrance and then sing the words to the National Anthem.

Quite rightly, the UK media reported this outrage with complete impartiality and rational journalism by completely ignoring the evidence of television footage. Obviously, Corbyn should have tore at his clothing, pulled out at what little remains of his hair, slapped his own face and chest and thrown his arms around the Portland stone monument in the middle of Whitehall to prove his patriotism and genuine grief. Only the spectacle of some theatrical howling and the sight of his bitter tears failing on the inscription “we will remember them” (or “WE WILL REMEMBER THEM” as keyboard warriors would have it, preferring to demonstrate their patriotism via the medium of upper case and the RT/Like button) can mitigate his complete lack of respect.

A quick look over his shoulder would inform Corbyn that it is possible to get away with murder as long as it is in the interests of national security. Mercifully, the Royal British Legion managed to scrape together Tony Blair`s appearance fee and the advance for his memoir of the day.



A glance to his right would have provided Corbyn with a view of a bloke who doesn`t think having nukes on his doorstep is good idea and looking left he would see a bloke who wears a poppy whilst selling weapons to some fairly unpleasant dictators.

It looks like Corbyn has fallen in with some bad company. I prefer to think about the great grand dad I never met who fell at the Somme, or remember my mother who spent the Second World War loading mustard gas into unused bombs or my father who saw his best mate obliterated by a land mine at El Alamein.

As for Cameron and his photo shopped poppy, I will certainly remember him.

1 Comment »

  1. Do people still observe Remembrance Day? It used to be called Armistice Day but now Anzac Day on 25th April has become the day when we remember the bravery and courage of those that fought in all wars.

    Comment by btho5531 — November 9, 2015 @ 3:25 am | Reply

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