The Plastic Hippo

December 1, 2015


Filed under: History,Politics,Sport — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Via the plastic hippo

Via the plastic hippo

Should David Cameron tire of being the most disingenuous Prime Minister in living memory, he might consider a change of career and apply for a lucrative post as head of a corrupt sport. There are plenty of vacancies in rugby, cricket, cycling, boxing, athletics, horse racing and professional wrestling that would be a perfect match for his skills and experience. If Tony Blair can be a Middle East peace envoy, then Cameron would be ideal as the big boss of FIFA or the International Olympic Committee. He should, however, steer well clear of tennis as we seem to doing rather well at that.

With him in charge, the UK could actually be successful at sport for a change. His genius tactic of refusing to call a vote in the commons on bombing Syria unless he is certain of winning is a game plan guaranteed to bring glory to these shores. We can look forward to fixtures between the England rugby team and a side made up of terminal patients sanctioned by ATOS and the DWP. England`s cricketers could face the Lady Crown Green Bowlers based at the Jeremy Hunt Care Home for the Discarded and our brave footballers will face the might of the Kier Hardy Primary School reserves. Any contender matched against a British boxing champion can only qualify if she is six years old or younger and preferably asthmatic.

Without any sense of irony, Cameron talks of upholding British democratic values by not allowing MPs to vote on going to war unless they vote in favour of going to war. He says that a vote against war would be a propaganda victory for terrorism. Quite right, but by that logic refusing to have a vote is an admission that democracy has not only been defeated but is in full panic retreat mode. In any case, a vote is irrelevant as the government has successfully whipped up enough xenophobia to allow executive action regardless of the will of parliament, international law or any understanding of the consequences. Cameron will bomb Syria anyway and will miss the “surgically identified” shadows and hit hospitals and schools instead. Smart bombs, no matter how smart, do not knock on the door and ask if anyone from ISIL is at home before going boom. He might get lucky and take out a few mad men but in doing so will create increasing resentment and anger in British communities already demonised and suffering misplaced abuse and invented hatred. It would be really interesting to see Cameron in charge of Kabaddi or stone lifting.

His case for war is tenuous to say the least. Citing Article 51 in Chapter VII of the United Nations Charter, Cameron`s definition of self-defence is as vague as his definition of “fairness” and “honesty”. Article 51 is deliberately ambiguous to allow powerful nations to act in any way they see fit without being accused of committing war crimes regardless of the crimes being committed. The Prime Minister claims that 70,000 “moderate” foot soldiers in Syria will finish off the mad men and it will all be over by Christmas. Weapons of Mass Destruction and 45 minutes before a chemical attack on Sevenoaks spring to mind. If the 70,000 actually exist, which is highly unlikely, their numbers contain elements of Al-Qaeda and every lunatic in the region capable of picking up an AK47. We even have a Defence Secretary claiming that “thousands” of Jihadists have been taken out in Iraq by the RAF without a single civilian casualty. The madness is clearly contagious.

It is difficult to understand the logic of those demanding the closure of borders to refugees fleeing bombing whilst simultaneously demanding further bombing of the place the refugees are fleeing from. The old men demanding boots on the ground are obviously too old to pull on the boots themselves and will move heaven and hell to ensure that the boots are not handed to their own children or grandchildren. Instead, other people`s children and grandchildren will be blown to bits in a crude act of futile vengeance for an atrocity in Paris carried out by barbarians. The British case for bombing Syria rests on the threat of an atrocity in the UK. France has been bombing Syria for two years. The madness is everywhere.

It now seems that Jeremy Corbyn`s decision to offer his MPs a free vote on launching airstrikes against Syria has brought the UK to the brink of war. With Cameron whipping his MPs into approving the bombing of anything that moves, it will now be Corbyn`s fault when it all goes wrong which it, yet again, inevitably will. The madness has become even more insane and those Labour MPs exploiting this shambles in an attempt to oust Corbyn really need to reconsider their socialist principles and their suitability as elected representatives.

A short distance from the Turkish town of Selçuk in south west Anatolia lie the ancient ruins of Ephesus. Arriving at the southern entrance, a walk through the former administrative area containing a debating chamber for governors and a garrison for law enforcers, you will come to a corner before descending downhill to the magnificent Library of Celsus, the Agora and the huge amphitheatre where St Paul faced down an angry crowd intent on war. At the corner, modern archaeologists have propped up an eroded and fractured relief of the Goddess Nike, the Goddess of victory now guarded by feral cats that have learnt to look cute for photographs and food.

Having her image and name hijacked by a corrupt manufacturer of sports attire, a David Cameron tired of responsibility might just do it and apply for Lord Coe`s old job in athletics.

It would give further meaning to victory at any price.


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