The Plastic Hippo

December 29, 2015

Born again

Via AFP Getty

Via AFP Getty

For unto us a child is born,
Unto us a son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end,
Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From this time forward, even forever.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.
Isaiah 9:6-7 New King James Bible

According to some public pronouncements from the good and the great, it seems that we need to re-evaluate the way we in the United Kingdom commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ. Her Britannic Majesty spoke of Christmas trees and family, quoted the gospel of St John and referenced Christ`s unchanging message that we should love our fellow human beings. The Archbishop of Canterbury feared the “elimination” of Christianity and compared Islamist extremists intent on accelerating “the end times” to King Herod. The Prime Minister, with a straight face and without any sense of irony, reminded us of what the birth of Jesus represents. He said;
“As a Christian country, we must remember what Jesus` birth represents; peace, mercy, goodwill and, above all, hope.”

Cameron`s sudden adoration of a Jewish “apocalyptic” political revolutionary from what was and still remains the Middle East is rather curious. Christ almost certainly had a beard and probably wore robes and a headdress but there is nowhere in the bible that mentions the Messiah carrying a rucksack onto the tube. If, as many believe, he is still with us today, he would at least be on a watch list and his movements and phone will be being monitored in the name of national security.

This unusual focus on faith, morality and compassion is diametrically opposed to a traditional British Christmas which, as any major retailer will tell you, starts on October 1st. The antiquated timetable of Advent, Nativity and Epiphany is clearly no longer fit for purpose so our observances are now framed by the Holy Days of Black Friday, Mad Friday, Panic Saturday and Rapidly Losing the Will to Live Monday followed by the 70 per cent Discount Everything Must Go St Stephen`s Day Mega Sale. On the one day in the year that the shops are closed, those of us not yet reliant on food banks or basic charitable patronage display our pious devotion by giving each other expensive tat, eating twice our own body weight in food and drinking more booze than a boat load of Russia sailors recently returned from a six month patrol of the Sea of Okhotsk. It`s good to know that the sacrifice of the Great Redeemer was not in vain.

The good and the great seem unduly keen to return to the old ways yet stop short of promoting Samhain, the Winter Solstice or Yule. Interestingly, the reaffirmation of Christian and, therefore, British values comes a few weeks after the publication of a report entitled “Living With Difference” which was produced by the Commission on Religion and Belief in Public Life. Chaired by Baroness Butler-Sloss of CSA fiasco fame, the commission set out to identify the changing nature of faith and worship in the UK.

The report points out that almost half the population no longer associate themselves with any religious belief and that Christians are now a minority. As “mainstream” Christian denominations decline, membership of evangelical and Pentecostal churches is on the increase along with some rather strange and not very Christian goings on. Additionally, there are now more British citizens practising religions originating in former colonies or the Empire or the Commonwealth or whatever term is sufficient to excuse the behaviour of our exploitative forbearers. Coming as a complete surprise to precisely nobody, this information prompted the authors of the report to offer some dog whistle recommendations guaranteed to rattle every cage in little and middle England.

The coronation of the next monarch should therefore be of a “pluralist” nature and the future Defender of the Faith must not swear to uphold Protestantism or vow to protect the Church of England. Some unelected bishops should be replaced in the Lords with Imams, Rabbis, Gurus, Shamans, Druids, Wizards, Richard Dawkins and David Icke. Apparently the only two nations on the planet that allow unaccountable clerics an automatic influence on the legislature are the UK and that bastion of human rights Iran and even Iran is beginning to have second thoughts.

Education, it seems, does not reflect the plurality of British society so the legal requirement for daily Christian worship in state schools should be abolished as should selection based upon an inherited faith. The criminal justice system should recognise and adopt elements of sharia and Beth Din law and stop prosecuting opponents of government under tenuous and hastily contrived anti-terrorism legislation and the media should desist in inferring an automatic link between criminality and non-indigenous religious faith. If all of this makes sense to you then you are clearly a terrorist sympathiser but if you are enraged at this attack on fundamental British Christian values, then your head is likely to explode at the news of humanists being allowed to contribute to BBC Radio 4`s Thought for the Day.

It is appropriate that the season celebrating the birth of the Christ child has witnessed our Prime Minister, on whose shoulder government sits, reaffirm this nations unshakeable Christian faith. This damascene revelation on the road from a Murdoch soiree to a photo opportunity in York is in every sense miraculous. It is ridiculous to suggest that a re-born Christian Cameron seeks to make political capital by embracing the testaments old and new in order to further divide “the British” from non-Christian “extremists”. It is worth noting that when Cameron was frowning and pointing at things for the cameras, Mosques in the industrial valleys of Lancashire and Yorkshire were open for food, shelter and support for friends and neighbours regardless of the contents of various ancient books. Cameron`s new found faith rings hollow when you look again at his Christmas message.

For clarity, it is worth repeating;
“As a Christian country, we must remember what Jesus` birth represents; peace, mercy, goodwill and, above all, hope.”

If the “Living With Difference” report suggests that the UK is no longer a Christian country, Cameron`s comments confirm an ungodly descent into existentialist secularism and that the life of Christ is meaningless in 21st century Britain.

Peace is not represented by the aerial bombing of civilian communities in order to ease economic pressure on European borders from fleeing refugees.

Mercy is not manifested by the monstrous Department of Work and Pensions sanctioning people with disabilities, the terminally ill and the vulnerable forcing some to take their own lives.

Goodwill is not defined by throwing petulant tantrums to threaten the European Union with blackmail or stoking up suspicion and then resentment within British communities.

Hope, under Cameron`s zeal of the Lord of hosts does not extend to undergraduates running up debt, zero hour non-jobs or the 1 million families forced to resort to food banks or the 100,000 children who spent this Christmas homeless.

We can only hope that Cameron`s conversion is a result of divine intervention because, if that is a fact, Cameron as a result of his shallow lies and vindictive cruelty has a long overdue appointment with Beelzebub. Pax vobiscum and let the end times roll.

1 Comment »

  1. I will say again, if you hate yourself, your country and your culture so much, kindly leave and go somewhere else. No one is forcing you to stay British. If the strain of not having full blown socialism is proving too much for you, North Korea might be more to your liking. That, or a long walk off a short pier.

    Comment by tom — June 9, 2016 @ 8:24 pm | Reply

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