The Plastic Hippo

January 20, 2016

Caller on line one

Filed under: Fiction,Media,Music,Politics — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Image via David Fisher Rex Features

Image via David Fisher Rex Features

”And that was Life on Mars by David Bowie; a musical legend and the man who changed the world. In this hour we discuss Britain`s nuclear deterrent. Trident; good or bad, right or wrong, vital or irrelevant, fried or boiled, salt or pepper, indiscriminate weapon of mass destruction or the ultimate insurance policy? Have your say by calling our usual number.

Our first caller is Abraham from Barking. Hello Abraham, what would you like to say about Trident? Good or bad, right or wrong, vital or…

Err…hello…yes…hello. Err…as I was saying to your researcher, the money being spent on science is a complete waste of money. Where is the value for money with all these rockets and computers when everybody knows that so-called science is just a theory, right? Money should be spent on things that are true…like faith schools.

Yes, that`s interesting. But what about Trident? Good or bad, right or…

No, no, no…why are we firing rockets into space when there is nothing there? It is an abomination in the face of God to talk about life on Mars. Everyone knows that Aladdin Sane was a much better album.

A good point well made, thank you Abraham from Barking. Next up we have Julie from Barnstable. Hello Julie, do you agree with Abraham there?

Hello…what complete and utter nonsense. Everyone knows that Hunky Dory is a vastly superior album and probably Bowie`s best work. People like your last caller make me sick. Instead of forcing their bigoted views down everyone`s throat they should get a job and if they don`t like this country, they should move to North Korea.

Yes…but what about Trident?

Trident…Trident…what`s Trident?

Thank you Julie…on the line now is Natalie from Brighton. Go ahead Natalie.

It`s completely unacceptable to use nuclear weapons against defenceless foxes and badgers. If we tolerate this barbarism, then rodents from Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads will also be endangered.

Err…yes…and now Dave from beautiful Chipping Norton. Hello Dave, what do you think about Trident?

Well, Trident is an essential component in our defence capability and will keep our nation safe from the numerous growing yet unspecified threats in an increasingly dangerous world where those that wish to harm us will stop at nothing to destroy our rights, our British values and our very existence. It is frankly scandalous to ignore the contributions of both Rick Wakeman and Mick Ronson in any discussion involving an independent nuclear deterrent.

Well, controversial stuff there from Dave of beautiful Chipping Norton. We`ll take a break for some music and be right back with more of your calls. Here`s a musical legend and the man who changed the world, David Bowie with Life on Mars.

Welcome back and we go straight to Jez from Islington. Jez, what would you like to say to the nation?

Hello…it is utterly astonishing that in a time of crisis for the NHS, chronic underfunding in education, social care, the legal system and with democracy being dismantled in front of our eyes, people are still clinging to the nostalgia of the piano part on Changes and the guitar riff on Ziggy Stardust. Have they forgotten the importance of Robert Fripp and Brian Eno on the three Berlin albums? It`s almost as if Nile Rodgers and Stevie Ray Vaughan have been airbrushed out of Let`s Dance. We need to remember that David Bowie single-handedly tore down the Berlin wall.

I see…interesting. But what about Trident?

Was that recorded during the Thin White Duke period?

Jez from Islington there with an interesting view. Now we go Tim – not his real name – who is a Liberal Democrat. Tim…Trident…good or bad, right or…

Right, I`m bloody sick of this. The bloody council have refused to empty my bloody bin again and if it happens one more bloody time I`m going to…

Tim…Tim…Tim…can I remind you that you are live on air. Please make your point without using colourful language.

Sorry…sorry…anyway, I`ll bloody well go down there and shove their bloody bin up their bloody…

…and we seem to out of time. Thank you to all our callers and to you for listening. Obviously the great British public think that Trident is a very good thing indeed and long may it continue. We`ll be back at the same time tomorrow when we will discuss the lasting legacy of Lemmy in combating the scourge of alcoholism facing the baby boom generation now claiming state pensions.

What better way to end than with a tribute to a musical legend and the man who changed the world. Here`s David Bowie with Life on Mars.”

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