The Plastic Hippo

February 5, 2016

Basket case

Filed under: Politics,Rights,Society,World — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,


It seems that February will offer no respite from the relentless onslaught of public loss and collective grief that January inflicted upon a heartbroken society. With the murder of a mother and her two children described by West Yorkshire Police as “a domestic incident” and another mother imprisoned for committing “an act of terrorism” by travelling to Syria to escape domestic violence, the nation must once again be brave in the face of the terrible realisation that after years of unfounded speculation, Lord Lucan is now officially, irrefutably and most definitely dead.

Apparently the son of the murderous peer wishes to inherit the family title and some bizarrely sensationalist press accounts suggest that the former “lucky” Lucan was eaten by a tiger. The fact that a woman was bludgeoned to death cannot be allowed to distract from irresistible speculation regarding the British aristocracy and their dysfunctional lifestyles. If the official passing of legendary icon and national treasure Lucan is difficult to endure, then the tragic loss of any credibility remotely attributable to the current British government in terms of strategic negotiation will propel the fragile populous into despair. Legendary icon, national treasure and minor aristocrat David Cameron will be remembered forever as a man who never once played bass in Motorhead.

As British Prime Ministers go, Cameron displays a lack of depth currently associated with the allotrope Graphene but represents none of the miracle strength of the wonder molecule. So shallow is this PM that wellies in Cumbria look ridiculous and to cross a puddle after a shower of rain water he requires a mask and a snorkel and the attention of a severely reduced coastguard. He will need more than a high-viz life jacket to save his sorry derriere from the unholy crock of waste product about to land on his head regarding the UK`s relationship with Europe.

Readers with an attention span marginally greater than a house brick might recall that our national treasure Prime Minister offered a referendum on our relationship with Europe as a manifesto pledge before the last General Election. Back then, with the threat of gibbering kippers nibbling the toes of Conservative supremacy, statesman Cameron demanded treaty change. Once returned to Number 10, the battle cry was for a “basket” of 10 reforms to the treaty. Having been told to politely sling his hook, the basket now contains only four eggs of which three are clearly in the ownership of a suspect curate.

It is worth taking a look at Cameron`s basket which seems to be now filled with emergency brakes, red cards and an awful lot of stuff usually associated with the rear end of cows. Although reluctant to go into any detail or, indeed, any broad principles, Cameron has adopted a rather bizarre response of questioning a question. He has stated that he has “fully answered that question” even when he has said nothing at all and seems to be deluding himself into thinking that as Prime Minister he has a right to silence.

So, in his letter to Donald Tusk, the President of the European Council, Cameron “demands” the following ransom. The “burden” of excessive regulation must be reduced to encourage the expansion of the single market in Europe. Erm…does anyone at the back have a problem with that?

The European Union must recognise that the Euro is not the only currency in Europe and that bribes can be paid in dollars, sterling, the yuan, the dinar or the Saudi riyal. Yeah, okay – seems fair.

Sovereignty is a matter for sovereign states and an “ever closer union” is the type of thing that gives the ladies palpations. Why on earth would we wish to be ever closer to foreigners? The Schengen Agreement is now as historic as Anschluss or Desert Storm.

The final egg in Cameron`s basket is the restriction of in-work benefits to EU citizens working in the UK. Having clobbered UK citizens with restriction of in-work benefits it seems perfectly reasonable to dog-whistle a bit of casual racism to prolong and already bankrupt political career. The sad fact is that none of this idiocy will make any difference at all to the economic disaster being fuelled by the imbecile Osborne and we, as a nation comfortable with a colonialist past, have to realise that Europe is our only hope for security and survival.

These serious matters of national identity and sovereignty require a society to consider the various alternative scenarios in a changing world. In a time of great tragedy, it is a bit disappointing to discover that a former Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer appears on a TV baking programme preceded by the wife of a Prime Minister who was rather good at preparing vol-au-vonts and cake. It would appear that it is perfectly acceptable to eat cake as long as the appearance fee goes to charity. Given that Cameron has stated that Muslim women are “traditionally submissive”, it seems strange that Samantha has finally found her voice by baking cakes.

Cameron`s credibility and reputation are now burnt to a cinder and this shyster will enjoy the remembrance of stupid King Alfred. As Lord Lucan romps home to a third place in the 2-30 at Epsom riding Shergar handicapped by a copy of the Chilcot Report in the saddlebag, we await with baited breath the date of the European referendum.

Fortunately, Samantha who has now for the first time been filmed speaking English; will not be deported as a suspected terrorist.

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