The Plastic Hippo

February 11, 2016

Quacks

Filed under: Health,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:02 am
Tags: , , , , ,

John BullFor a man of my age and given a lifetime of rather unpleasant and somewhat destructive habits, I am unfairly blessed with remarkably good health. On Wednesday, however, I presented my sorry carcass to a local A & E department and demanded to be seen by a junior doctor and, for good measure, any passing neurosurgeon in order to give them a piece of whatever remains of my mind regarding their decision to undertake industrial action. The very idea that junior doctors should vote to strike is an indication of just how sick the patient is and with vital signs fading, it might be too late for intensive care. (more…)

February 9, 2016

Serial re-offenders

Usual suspects via some image agency or other

Usual suspects via some image agency or other

By promising significant improvements to an antiquated penal system, David Cameron has guaranteed a lasting legacy that will reverse the causes of criminality and the horrific downward spiral of recidivist degeneracy. Now elevated into the pantheon of enlightened reformers, Cameron`s “biggest shake-up of prisons since the Victorian era” places him along side worthy emancipationists including former Home Secretary Michael Howard, the inspiration behind the Howard League for Penal Reform, and Elizabeth Fry, the inventor of Fry`s Turkish Delight. From now on, the only porridge served will be Quaker Oats. (more…)

February 5, 2016

Basket case

Filed under: Politics,Rights,Society,World — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
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Via ukbusinessadvisor.com

Via ukbusinessadvisor.com

It seems that February will offer no respite from the relentless onslaught of public loss and collective grief that January inflicted upon a heartbroken society. With the murder of a mother and her two children described by West Yorkshire Police as “a domestic incident” and another mother imprisoned for committing “an act of terrorism” by travelling to Syria to escape domestic violence, the nation must once again be brave in the face of the terrible realisation that after years of unfounded speculation, Lord Lucan is now officially, irrefutably and most definitely dead.

Apparently the son of the murderous peer wishes to inherit the family title and some bizarrely sensationalist press accounts suggest that the former “lucky” Lucan was eaten by a tiger. The fact that a woman was bludgeoned to death cannot be allowed to distract from irresistible speculation regarding the British aristocracy and their dysfunctional lifestyles. If the official passing of legendary icon and national treasure Lucan is difficult to endure, then the tragic loss of any credibility remotely attributable to the current British government in terms of strategic negotiation will propel the fragile populous into despair. Legendary icon, national treasure and minor aristocrat David Cameron will be remembered forever as a man who never once played bass in Motorhead. (more…)

February 1, 2016

White rabbits

Filed under: History,Media,Music,Society — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
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Via canyoudigit69-deviantart.com

Via canyoudigit69-deviantart.com

After a busy January, show business editors, arts correspondents and the poor souls buried in film archives will be looking through their fingers at an approaching February and the next tranche of celebrity demise. Even the most imaginative authors of obituaries must be struggling to construct an original sentence containing mandatory terms of deferential respect such as icon, legend, national treasure, hugely influential and never to be forgotten. There are times when “person of advancing years with a health condition dies after an illness” simply will not do.

In this information technology age, smart eulogists could simply set up a template, load in a bunch of algorithms and the piece will compose itself well before the print deadline or broadcast. Age (veteran, popular, up and coming), occupation (actor, musician, entertainer, politician,); cause of death (drugs, drink, terminal medical condition, the discharging of a firearm) and a few vintage photographic images guarantees immortality for the sadly deceased and a job well done by the busy hack. (more…)

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