The Plastic Hippo

May 9, 2016

Living by the sword

Cut and thrust

Cut and thrust

At long last, evidence of complete impartiality, balance, transparency and the highest standards of news reporting, accurate journalism and complete commitment to revealing the truth has been allowed to prove conclusively that the British Broadcasting Corporation offers astonishing value for money in covering breaking stories across the entire planet, Europe, the United Kingdom and, more importantly, the cabinet room at Number 10 Downing Street.

After years of unfounded accusations of bias, BBC News has finally laid to rest the preposterous notion that the organisation is in some way operating an agenda that ignores the wider United Kingdom by only focussing on the South-East, London and the Westminster bubble. In a tour de force of heroic reportage, the BBC has provided comprehensive coverage of a Labour party melt-down in local council elections; a Labour party wiped out in Scotland and a Labour party crushed in Wales. Rejected, humiliated and universally loathed by all decent members of the electorate, the Labour party according to the BBC is unelectable, dead, over, finished and a complete waste of space. Events in London are irrelevant when compared to the monumental disaster suffered by Labour in the regions and so events in London do not need to be reported as anything other than a meaningless side-show.

Labour might remain in charge of more local councils, have many more councillors, have the largest share of the vote and have lost fewer council seats than the Conservatives but a loss of power in Dudley to No Overall Control and the winning of Bristol council are clear indications that the warped socialist experiment of Marx and Engels has been an abject failure. In striking contrast, the Conservative loss in Worcester to No Overall Control marks overwhelming approval of the Prime Minister and the Chancellor`s masterful stewardship of the economy. The days of profligate communist councils wasting dodged tax revenue on trivial vanity projects such as education, social care and public health are clearly over and when faced by the towering intellects and impeccable honestly of god-like public servants of the calibre of Jeremy Hunt and Nicky Morgan, the horror inflicted by Clement Attlee and Aneurin Bevan are now considered a mercifully receding nightmare. According to BBC News, everything has changed even though nothing has changed at all.

Finishing third in Scotland has nothing to do with the betrayal of left facing principles during a woeful independence referendum before anyone ever knew who Jeremy Corbyn was but has everything to do with the obvious fact that Jeremy Corbyn is anti-Scottish. It said so on the BBC so it must be true. Labour still has control over the Welsh Assembly even though Jeremy Corbyn is obviously anti-Welsh and some rather odd former Tory kippers have suddenly taken interest in Welsh politics. All in all this represents a complete annihilation of that nasty little Corbyn who any sensible person would quite rightly despise in order to ensure charter renewal and a healthy living for BBC executives and “journalists” sensible enough not to drop the bread butter side down.

We can quite rightly dismiss the results of mayoral elections as incidental unless, of course, the absence of evil Jeremy Corbyn from Southwark Cathedral can be interpreted as a gross example of Islamophobia. A Labour mayor in Salford won with 66 per cent of the vote. In Bristol, a Labour mayor won with 63 per cent and Liverpool re-elected a Labour mayor with 53 per cent. Boris Johnson was absolutely correct in his assertion that drunken Liverpool yobs invent victimhood rather than aspiring to any form of decency or a duty to remain in compliant silence when faced with legitimate prejudice and, with increasing frequency, injustice. Maybe this elected mayor idea was not such a good idea after all and requires no further comment or BBC analysis. Two parliamentary by election wins for Labour also went largely unreported.

Like Dick Whittington, we turn again to London. In the halcyon days of lazy journalism, flat screen TVs defined indolence and benefit fraud. Now in a more enlightened time, a name that sounds like Sadiq Khan equates to extreme terrorism but a name that sounds like Sajid Javid equates to a noble effort to fix bank rates at Deutsche Bank, some “interesting” goings on at Chase Manhattan and making a complete mess of the British steel industry. To achieve power in this nation, Old Etonians will need to cultivate a Pakistani father who once drove a bus. It seems that London and the rest of us are destined to be subjugated by a caliphate of public service vehicle operatives.

The campaign for the London mayor, seen from a distance, was utterly hilarious. The desperation and vacuous nonsense spewing from the Zac Goldsmith camp was in sharp contrast to the dignity of his opponent and once the race card was played, there would be only one conclusion. The conclusion is that London will have an elected mayor that will administer London to the best of his abilities and will endeavour to provide the best of services for Londoners regardless of bus driving skills.

Before Sadiq Khan, there have been two (or possibly three) elected London mayors. Ken Livingstone was “independent” in 2000 but then Labour in 2004 and Boris Johnson had two terms as a Conservative. Ken, with his inability to keep his gob shut is clearly bonkers and Johnson with his inability to keep his gob shut is equally bonkers and, regardless of the EU referendum, both are now reduced to a rather pathetic footnote in British political history. According to BBC News, Sadiq Khan is the first block capital MUSLEM, MUSLEM, MUSLEM to attain attention. Sorry, he was democratically elected and his faith, ethnicity, family background, eating habits, inside leg measurement and preferred football team are about as important as the future job prospects of Iain Duncan Smith. Ken Livingstone was the first elected London mayor to champion newts. Boris Johnson was the first racist, homophobic elected London mayor to be born in New York. Oh dear God, when will we have a Christian mayor of London.

In the days running up to election Thursday, the BBC and other news outlets became absurdly obsessed by a non-story of their own invention which dominated the airwaves for about a week. The elaborate farcical distraction began when a shouting Labour MP jumped on bonkers Ken Livingstone accusing the newt fancier of being a Nazi apologist. At this point only a barking mad conspiracy theorist would suggest that the media and a grudge bearing Labour MP could possibly be being manipulated by cunning Tory strategists desperate for prying eyes to be turned elsewhere. It is, of course, a complete coincidence that film crews from three separate news organisations just happened to be in the same place and at the same time when John Mann shouted at Ken Livingstone.

The result was instant. Regardless of any evidence, the Labour Party is, was and always will be institutionally racist with anti-Semitism at the centre of its black, cold heart. It must be true because Tory ministers took to the BBC to tell the nation of this fact. Mercifully, Zac Goldsmith`s racist campaign of division, hatred and fear went unmolested and unchallenged until after Londoners soundly rejected bigotry and loathing.

On the very day of various national and local elections, a gentleman by the name of Lynton Crosby was “knighted” by the sword of state. It seems likely that Lynton Crosby was the engineer behind the Zac Goldsmith dog whistle campaign. His honour, it seems, was bestowed for services to politics which in many ways neatly encapsulates just about everything that is wrong with British politics. It would be racism of the vilest proportion to suggest that aging, rich, white Australian migrant men are coming over here to dominate our news agenda and take our knighthoods even as the followers of Islam refuse to assimilate into British society by marrying Zac Goldsmith`s sister, winning a TV baking completion, winning boxing medals for England, selling out stadium comedy shows and being elected mayor of London. I for one would rather celebrate a Sadiq, Amir or Citizen Khan than a Sir Lynton or, God forbid, Sir Rupert. Moeen Ali is our best hope at bowling Australia out.

At the centre of this is the future of the BBC, particularly its news output. Receiving a prize at the Bafta awards, the director of Wolf Hall, Peter Kosminsky said:
“The main job of the BBC is to speak truth to power, to report to the British public without fear or favour no matter how unpalatable to those who might be in government. It is a public broadcaster, independent of government. It is your BBC.”

Since election Thursday, BBC News has been reporting on a political pantomime taking place in North Korea with its correspondents huffing and puffing about press freedom, media manipulation by government, political bias and the silencing of legitimate scrutiny and criticism. Unless the BBC decides to make a stand, the only news of Tory battle bus expense fraud, child sex abuse, mayoral racism, NHS lies, education u-turns, wealthy tax cheats, corrupt government ministers and any questioning of the nonsense being puked up concerning the EU referendum will come from a news provider thousands of miles away.

So later today tune in to the 10 o`clock news hosted by a smiling and shouting beautiful woman in traditional dress bringing us glad tidings from a news studio in downtown Pyongyang. She might even be carrying a great big sword.

And now the news where you are.

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