The Plastic Hippo

May 15, 2016

Lake Placid in the pixies



There is compelling evidence that suggests a direct correlation between prolonged delusional hallucinations and even the most casual or brief use recreational pharmaceuticals and or strong drink. Medical science has produced irrefutable data proving that even a tiny sip of demon alcohol or just a puff of the Devil`s weed from Hell proves a causal link to a lifetime of madness, surreal visions and nightmarish imaginings. Pity then, an entire generation that wake every morning to warped apparitions and are haunted at night by weird and unreal ghosts for this is the generation that decided to take acid in the 60s.

Lost souls of a certain age have become so addled and dysfunctional that they are quite capable of believing that Cilla Black will be portrayed by Lady Gaga in a Hollywood film based on the life of Dionne Warwick.

They claim that Leicester City have finished as winners of the English Premier League.

A Muslim is now Mayor of London.

These poor addicts actually think that on the day that a British Prime Minister hosts an anti-corruption conference in the money laundering capital of the world, the same British Prime Minister and his political party are summoned to the High Court to answer allegations of electoral fraud and corruption.

Her Majesty the Queen insults the most populous nation on earth and the Chancellor`s preferred trading partner by the creative use of a plastic umbrella to amplify her obvious chagrin at a corrupt British Prime Minister. How absurd to consider the imposition of colonialism and the vicious suppression of the Boxer rising as somehow being rather rude to the ambassador.

In this bizarre world, Kippers in Wales cut a deal with Plaid Cymru and a serial conman in the laughable shape of Neil Hamilton is once again collecting appearance money from news broadcasters.

Former cabinet minister Iain Duncan Smith states that it is the European Union that is causing hardship, harm and distress to poor and vulnerable people and not the Department of Work and Pensions for which he, until recently, was solely responsible.

Michael Gove berates his own government for peddling lies, propaganda and flawed statistics.

Norman Lamont, possibly the most inept Chancellor in two centuries even given the existence of George Osborne, is allowed to offer an opinion regarding economics.

A corrupt British Prime Minister raised by the bank of corrupt mum and dad claims that leaving the EU will result in war even though about six weeks ago he was seriously considering leaving the EU.

Doctors are considered to be left-wing militants and Jeremy Hunt remains in post.

A pervert who pays for sex called John Whittingdale wants government to control the BBC and will appoint trusted Conservatives to oversee, manage and direct editorial policy and output. A distinctive and innovative politician, Mr Whittingdale`s masturbatory fantasies might not be limited to Strictly Come Dancing.

A New Yorker with dual citizenship travels to Cornwall and waves a pasty in front of a motor coach to defend England`s borders. Sadly for Boris Johnson, the pasty was granted regional food protection status by the EU, the motor coach was manufactured in Germany and there are a growing number of Cornish citizens who have no wish to be part of England or the UK let alone the evil European Union.

The bloke appointed by FIFA to clean up corruption resigns because FIFA is corrupt just after FIFA appoints a new Secretary General who is African, a woman, black and has not even been selected to play for Senegal in any football competitions. Fatma Samba Diouf Samoura, regardless of her successes at the UN, might need to check her contract to make sure that she is required to wear high heels as part of her job description.

It is becoming disturbingly evident that the Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America is not the result of a ten hour live gig from the Grateful Dead stage at the Great Pyramid of Giza but is, in fact, a giant three-toed sloth wearing an Aleister Crowley mask and quoting Timothy Leary.

Drug and alcohol abuse and dependency is not a subject of cheap satire, but when George Osborne is Chancellor, we need to look at the damage caused by addiction. When an armed conflict between Russia and the Ukraine is “settled” in a song contest that includes Australia as a part of Europe and some very odd politicians scream of Armageddon, perhaps it is time to seriously skin up or find the mirror and the razor blade.

Perhaps, in order to maintain fear and control, 1960s governments decided to spike water supplies, including Lake Placid, with generous doses of LSD to ensure that the populous remained in a compliant, confused and therefore manageable state of mind.

Man, this is turning into a really bad trip.

“Semolina pilchard
Climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.”

If anyone had a heart, then Lady Gaga will know the way to San Jose and find time to sing “Yer Blues” by John Lennon.


  1. I have no idea whether to laugh or cry.

    So I will now pop in to the town centre and score some orange juice and pilchards. And some semolina, chocolate and bacon. And bread, tomatoes, crisps and more oranges.

    What a long, strange trip.

    The Realist

    ps be very careful of your description of Whittingdale. He could sue for defamation. He has form.

    The good news. Although he might take issue with accusations of ‘pervert’ he cannot, under any circumstances contest the term ‘wanker’.

    Comment by The Realist — May 16, 2016 @ 12:04 pm | Reply

  2. well written

    Comment by A Life Answer — May 17, 2016 @ 5:43 pm | Reply

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