The Plastic Hippo

June 2, 2016


Filed under: Fiction,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 1:59 am
Tags: , , , , ,


Muchachas y los amigos de España; the great kingdom of Spain faces an unprecedented existential crisis brought about by unregulated immigration actively encouraged by faceless, unelected Eurocrats. Spain is full and we must take back control of our borders. Many hard working Spanish families no longer recognise their own pueblito and Spanish is no longer the most commonly spoken language at the bodega or village fiesta. Clearly, high unemployment, financial deficit, debt and the appearance of Lionel Messi in the Panama Papers accused of tax avoidance are all directly linked to uncontrolled immigration and not anything at all to do with the performance of government.

So, to protect our God-given sovereignty and to regain our inalienable right to deflect attention from inadequacy by blaming a group of people who just happen to be foreign, we will introduce an Andalucian points based immigration system.

This system is deceptively simple and was designed to attract the very brightest and best professionals to backward countries unable or unwilling to offer a viable education and work ethic to its natives. Points are awarded based on the monetary value of an individual to the entire nation. Unless a migrant is awarded a minimum of 60 points, entry will be refused and any existing migrant unable to score 60 points will be deported back to their country of origin along with any children that may have been irresponsibly born within our borders. Points are awarded under the following criteria:

Anything less than a first class degree or doctorate – zero points
Less than a million pounds sterling in savings – zero points
Looking a bit shifty – zero points
Men with beards – zero points
Women with headscarves – zero points
Children without parents – zero points
People willing to work for low pay and no employment rights – zero points
So-called refugees fleeing oppression and possible death – zero points

Old Etonians – 60 points
Hedge fund managers – 60 points
Fraudsters, drug dealers, pimps and gangsters – 60 points
Their orange wives – 60 points
The refusal to learn Spanish and instead shout Cockney English – 60 points
Demanding a postal vote to end migration into the UK – 60 points
Demanding free health care at the expense of Spanish taxpayers – 60 points
Claiming winter fuel allowance in the UK whilst living in Spain – 60 points
Young people able to vomit their own body weight in alcohol – 60 points

Only by this method of fair, objective and impartial discrimination can we protect Europe from Europe and ensure that any impertinent questions regarding competence and economic policy are carefully avoided.

Thank heavens the reality in Spain and the rest of Europe is very different from divisive and puerile nonsense being peddled by the likes of Gove, Johnson and others. History will judge washed-up politicians willing to jeopardise the future of a united if flawed Europe for the sake of a naked yet futile ambition to be the next leader of a corrupt and thoroughly nasty political party.

Y Viva España and vaya con Dios as you leave.

1 Comment »

  1. Franco did nothing wrong.
    If you like the EU so much, go live in Brussels where you can get close to it.
    Immigration is out of control, and solving that problem is just one of many.

    Comment by Smith — June 9, 2016 @ 8:09 pm | Reply

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