The Plastic Hippo

September 14, 2016

This little piggy


It has been merely a year since hilarity, hysteria and abject horror engulfed the British political zeitgeist with lurid tales of strange behaviour at the very pinnacle of government. With the entire world watching the sordid farce unfold; the temptation to pile in at the time with endless references to porcine quadrupeds seemed almost irresistible. However, a more mature and balanced reaction was to adopt the approach of broadcast media especially the BBC by first ignoring it, then doubting it and then playing the whole thing down with talk of “bawdy pranks”, high jinks, undergraduate mischief and “harmless initiation rituals”. After all, what goes on between a future Prime Minister and the severed head of a pig in the privacy of an Oxford dining club is none of our business.

The whole Piers Gaveston pig story is almost certainly a piece of imaginative fiction cooked up by those with a grudge against Cameron. Fortunately, Lord Ashcroft remained loyal even though he did not receive the ministerial portfolio he expected after donating all that lovely money to the Conservative Party. Similarly, a strong friendship made at Eton endured at Oxford and blossomed in parliament either side of a mayoralty of London had nothing to do with the scurrilous rumour. Allegedly being rude with a pig`s head is of nothing compared to what Cameron did to the country yet as ridiculous as the accusation might be, lots of people believed that Cameron was capable of doing such a thing, not for pleasure, but out of ambition.

His somewhat rapid ascent to power caused a few raised eyebrows given his lack of experience, comparative youth and willingness to go along with any establishment humiliation designed to confirm loyalty and provide material for blackmail should the well groomed chosen one not stick to the script. David Cameron will not be remembered for indecency with a pig or the absence of any denial and will not even be remembered for a six year wrecking spree. As he sails off into the sunset of lucrative directorships and profitable speaking engagements, it is worth listing some of his achievements.
• Six years of needless austerity
• £555 billion increase in national debt
• Record increase in public borrowing
• Increased deficit
• Loss of AAA credit rating
• Nearly four million children living in poverty
• 600,000 poorest families paying bedroom tax
• Refusal to consider a mansion tax
• Cutting tax credits for the working poor
• Cutting top rate income tax for high earners
• Defending and encouraging bankers bonuses
• NHS forced into deficit by deliberate underfunding
• Inflated A and E targets missed
• Inflated routine procedure targets missed
• Removal of state support for terminally ill people
• Removal of state support for people with disabilities
• Refusal to investigate an increase in benefit claimant suicides
• Fewer houses built since the 1920s
• 35 per cent rise in homelessness
• Tenants rights removed as landlords gain further protection
• Green belt protection ignored
• Fracking licenses granted without adequate scrutiny
• Unnecessary cull of badgers
• Likely return of banned field sports
• Hinkley Point nuclear power station ongoing farce
• Cuts to conventional military capability
• Renewal of Trident
• Disastrous military intervention in Libya
• Disastrous military intervention in Syria
• 300 per cent rise in zero hours contracts
• One per cent national average wage increase
• 35 per cent rise in banker`s salaries
• Water charges up 20 per cent
• Rail fares up 25 per cent
• Private utility companies prices up
• Surestart Centres closed
• Libraries closed
• Academy Schools failing
• Free Schools under criminal investigation
• Tuition fees trebled
• Selective secondary education to be re-introduced
• Legal Aid denied
• Children held in prison or deported
• Women beaten and raped in detention centres
• The Human Rights Act to be repealed

Not bad for six years of telling us we are all in it together and that difficult choices had to be made due to the “mess we inherited”. Astonishingly, all of this will be forgotten when the day of reckoning comes as will the unfortunate incident with the pig. Cameron is way out front in the worst Prime Minister in living memory contest with Anthony Eden and Neville Chamberlain only able to come across as being a bit dim. Cameron is nasty with it.

Having almost broke the Union with a project fear referendum based on negativity and crude name-calling, Cameron will be remembered as the British Prime Minister who broke Europe in another project fear referendum. Delusional to the point of absurdity, this idiot strutted around Europe demanding to be taken seriously. He may be shallow, crooked and deeply unpleasant but he is no statesman. Up against the strange assortment of characters wishing to leave the European Union, Cameron blew it with deranged nonsense. His legacy will be one of failure and detrimental consequence for the still only just United Kingdom.

Having resigned as Prime Minister after saying he would stay for the good of the nation and after saying he would remain an MP to serve his constituents, Cameron has legged it after creating the mess we just inherited. There are some people suggesting that Cameron is a coward and that he should stay and do his duty before God, the Queen and the nation. No – six years has been enough and parliament will not miss just another scheming shyster. We are a safer nation with a crook like Cameron as far away from government as possible.

Pigs, however, will need to be vigilant.


  1. Shame he inherited the mess that Gordon left him, having abolished boom and bust.

    Comment by Rob — September 14, 2016 @ 7:19 pm | Reply

    • If you think Brown left a poor legacy, do the maths on the financial, social and human cost of the Hippos far from comprehensive list of Cameron and Osborne’s’ ‘achievements’.

      Comment by The Realist — September 19, 2016 @ 11:07 am | Reply

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