The Plastic Hippo

October 20, 2016

Warp and weft

Self harm

Self harm

In those far-off heady days during the European referendum campaign, some of us hoped that the deranged musings of idiots, borderline fascists, actual racists, scaremongers and various prophets of doom would end once the British people had made their historic decision. The preposterous and obviously false claims and counter-claims from both sides cheapened the debate to the state of pointless and partisan bickering and made for a contest between an unbelievably duplicitous Remain campaign and an unbelievably duplicitous Leave campaign. Sadly, the return to common sense and the status quo of generally harmless whopping great lies has, to evoke the civil rights credentials of Prime Minister Theresa May, been a long time coming. Instead, the ravings of some very strange people which were once instantly dismissed as just a part of the comedic warp and weft of society are now being accepted as potentially valid, possibly true and even something less than a complete insult to basic humanity.

This interestingly flawed logic allows generals and politicians safely far, far away from Yemen, Aleppo and Mosul to claim with a straight face and uncrossed fingers that the best way to protect the people of Yemen, Aleppo and Mosul is to deploy precision high explosives that will create craters in Yemen, Aleppo and Mosul that will be visible from the Moon.

This meandering and rather one-sided train of thought allows Republican presidential candidates to claim that the election has been rigged. It seems that once the American electorate has realised that candidate is rather less wholesome than Grandma`s apple pie, he predicts riots and civil unrest if he suffers inevitable defeat. It would appear that a global conspiracy has been mobilised with the intent of defeating the common man. The common sense vacuum also allows a Democratic candidate to claim the entire election is being controlled by hackers in the employ of the Russian state. “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive” wrote Sir Walter Scott in remembrance of a time when battlefields in Scotland were not covered by American owned golf courses and a time when the dissolution of British Union was considered unthinkable.

This newly discovered free speech malarkey has emboldened just about every idiot this side of the BBC and every idiot the other side of the Daily Mail. According to the successful Leave campaign, they now have an overwhelming mandate provided by 17 million UK voters who reject the European single market, reject the European Human Rights Act, reject “uncontrolled immigration” and demands a return of national sovereignty and law making to its rightful place within the House of Commons. The question on the ballot asked about membership of the EU. The other 16 million who voted to Remain are obviously nothing more than a tiny Liberal elite who eat disgusting garlic flavoured food and try to speak in a foreign language when they go on holiday to somewhere foreign. Unfortunately, the sovereignty of the House of Commons will not be allowed to vote on the terms and conditions leading to the UK leaving the EU and will instead waft their order papers in the hope of waving away economic catastrophe or in the vain hope of attracting a passing lifeboat crossing the Mediterranean. The remaining millions who did not vote leave only themselves to blame.
With an unexpected increase in unemployment even given the levels of zero hour contracts, self-employed people dependant on food banks and claimants being sanctioned for being terminally ill, the 350 million quid being sent to Europe every week is clearly a bogus figure. With the collapse of sterling, the money not being diverted to the NHS is now nearer 400 million at the current exchange rate with the Euro. We have not even triggered the leaving process yet but in statements breathtaking in unusual honesty, the Governor of the Bank of England along with numerous economists of seemingly good repute and just about anybody else who can do sums are saying that the poor and nearly poor will suffer the most in the short, medium and long term. Three months into his new job, Chancellor Philip Hammond has already been forced into issuing public statements saying that he will not resign and even as he sets about undoing the damage caused by George Osborne, continues to blame the corpse of a Labour government that died six and half years ago.

The utter rubbish being spouted by these people who seem to in complete denial regarding the preventable disaster heading our way allows all sorts of oddballs to pipe up with their own peculiar theories and fantasies. David Davies, the Conservative MP for Monmouth, has seen some photographs on the front pages of the Sun and Daily Mail clearly showing that child refugees are obviously adult terrorists.

Firstly, nothing in the Sun or Daily Mail is remotely true apart from the date, the television listings and the football scores and even they need to be taken with a pinch of salt. Secondly, David Davies is not to be confused with David Davis MP who is a much older and considerably less attractive man currently making a fool of himself over our departure from the biggest single market on the planet. Thirdly, it has not entered the tiny minds of Davies, or Davis, or the editors of scurrilous rags that the children who look like adults might actually be translators and carers who risked their lives working with British armed forces in various illegal combat zones. Fourthly, if Davies the MP who demands dental checks on children to ascertain age is prepared to explain how to install a large, clinical radiation scanner in refugee camps in Calais, Aleppo, Mosul and Yemen, perhaps he should vote for an increase in funding for the NHS. Finally, it is good news that the Sun, the Daily Mail and certain MPs have at last realised that being 18 is some sort of legal watershed and that they may now cease and desist from sexually objectifying children.

In the current climate of xenophobia, stupidity and hatred; it`s gonna be a long time coming.


  1. The Electorate been assaulted by a deluge of referenda and media vox pops. For all the good that it actually does, we can even petition those who purport to manage affairs on our behalf on matters of concern.

    Unfortunately, key issues concerning foreign policy, defence and the economy remain out of bounds to the voter until a General Election comes along. Instead, we have to suffer a Foreign Secretary who, whilst able to fondle some else’s buttocks, is unable to find his own arse with both hands and a Minister of Defence whose sole idea, like his predecessors, is to flog weapons to anyone who will pay.

    The economy is in the hands of a carbon copy of Eduard Munsch. Having looked at the legacy left by Gideon and the certain economic wreckage of Brexit, Philip Hammond is shielding his ears from the screams that are now beginning to emanate from the populace. The Blessed Theresa is similarly stricken, but can temporarily hide behind the utter incompetence of Fox, Davies and Rudd.

    The sovereignty of the people versus the sovereignty of an elected Parliament? A knotty problem. Perhaps we should hold a referendum.

    As an afterthought, is there a mathematician out there who can explain why a vote of 48-52 can be described as an overwhelming majority?

    Comment by The Realist — October 20, 2016 @ 12:52 pm | Reply

  2. It’s not often I agree with the Realist.

    I’m away to lie down for a bit.


    Comment by BrownhillsBob — October 20, 2016 @ 9:47 pm | Reply

    • I am flattered to the point of re-booting the computer, just in case that this post may be spam.

      It pains me to say this, but keep up the good work.

      Comment by The Realist — October 21, 2016 @ 11:58 am | Reply

  3. Ditto, ditto…. What has happened to Burke’s dictum that “Your representative owes you not his industry only, but his judgment….”?

    Comment by Alan — October 21, 2016 @ 11:13 am | Reply

    • Hear, hear

      Referenda have now become an excuse for fundamental political incompetence. Politicians can now blame the Electorate, whilst apparently striving to sort it all out on their behalf.

      A job for life.

      Comment by The Realist — October 21, 2016 @ 12:20 pm | Reply

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