The Plastic Hippo

October 22, 2016


nooseAt first glance, the story of an obscure Tory councillor creating an online petition demanding that anyone who still supports membership of the European Union be charged with treason smacks of a crude attempt at humour and is obviously a very weak joke. A second glance would confirm the hoax as the petition is in the name of a councillor Christian Holliday who represents the Burpham ward in the delightful town of Guildford. If a councillor Cruella de Winterval representing nearby Effingham had demanded the re-introduction of thumbscrews and the rack into the criminal justice system, the joke would not have been more obvious. However, a third glance reveals the treason petition story to be true and a bizarre invention called Christian Holliday actually exists and wishes to “amend the Treason Felony Act to make supporting UK membership of the EU a crime.”

It seems that the petition has been taken down and a Guildford councillor has been suspended by the local Tory party. No doubt the councillor will complain of censorship, an attack on free speech and a liberal elite conspiring to bring about the end of democracy but will then slide deservedly back into obscurity where he will not cause too much damage. That a councillor, let alone a Tory councillor, should prove to be a complete and utter idiot is not unexpected news but, as a symptom of the collective emotional breakdown currently debilitating the nation, the thought that this kind of nonsense could ever be considered as even remotely appropriate is much more troublesome.

“Damn the unpatriotic Bremoaners and their plot to subvert the will of the British people” screamed a Daily Mail front page banner headline. “Time to silence EU exit whingers” bellowed the Daily Express. The Telegraph published a photograph of a man in Calais and claimed, without any evidence, that he was a child recently arrived in Croydon. The Murdoch tabloid remained firmly fixed in the gutter. With a mandate of 52 per cent to 48 per cent and not a single shred of detail as to how the UK will achieve an exit from the EU let alone any serious plan for survival, there has never been a more vital time to question and challenge to idiocy being peddled in the name of patriotism. According to Thomas Jefferson, or maybe Howard Zinn or possibly former New York City mayor John Lindsay; “dissent is the highest form of patriotism.”

Mercifully, much of the 1351 Treason Act and the Treason Felony Act of 1848 has gone the way of legislation allowing bear baiting during Michaelmas and the right to behead any Welshman discovered within the city walls of Chester after sunset. However, it remains a criminal offence to “compass, imagine, invent, devise or intend to deprive the UK monarch of the crown, to levy war against the monarch or to move of stir any foreigner to invade the United Kingdom or any other country belonging to the British monarch.” High Treason is still about killing the monarch or the first in line to the throne but thankfully all that stuff about hanging, drawing and quartering is now just nostalgia enjoyed by obscure councillors suddenly freed from the shackles of decency.

Instead of amending Treason legislation, perhaps we need new laws that more accurately reflect the interesting times in which we live. Firstly, the new offence of a crime against the English language will be charged against anyone who will knowingly compass, imagine, invent, devise or use meaningless words such as “Brexit” of “Bremoaners”. If found guilty, the criminal will be hung from the neck until dead or, if sufficient contrition is displayed, a fine of 350 million quid and 100 hours of community service.

Secondly, any publicly elected representative motivated by self-interest will be placed in public stocks and have foreign food from British Home Stores thrown at them. Thirdly, any political party that places the wellbeing, advantage and interests of that party above the wellbeing, advantage and interests of the nation shall be deemed not fit to govern.

So we come to the most recent Prime Minister`s Questions just about 100 days into Theresa May`s unelected rise to the premiership.

She has stated that a decision on runway capacity in the south east will be given next week. In fact it will be given in 18 months even though it is obvious that Heathrow will have a third runway. This delay is to prevent yet another row in the Conservative cabinet or until Boris Johnson faces his inevitable dismissal.

She claimed that she heard “stories” regarding the fourth chair of the CSA Inquiry but, as Home Secretary, would not act upon rumour and hearsay. She has appointed four chairs, all unsuitable and all forced to resign. It is as if Theresa May wants the CSA Inquiry to fall apart because of the damage it will do to the perverts living and dead who expect to hide behind parliamentary immunity.

She refused to answer a question regarding the levels of British made munitions and delivery platforms used to incinerate civilians in Yemen. It seems that our relationship with Saudi Arabia and the profits made from selling weapons of mass destruction to corrupt dictatorships outweighs any idea of the sanctity of human life.

She continues to tell blatant lies regarding funding for the NHS and education. As the lies are repeated, it becomes clearer and clearer that Conservative dogma will bring us to a state where only the rich, given disproportionate tax breaks, will be able to afford private health care and a private education for their heirs.

All this policy based on the survival of Theresa May and the Conservative Party is set against the background of a feral media that is now simply out of control. The BBC broadcast its flagship political discussion programme from Hartlepool and when a woman of Polish origin explained that after 27 years in the UK, she has never before felt so unwelcomed, she was booed at by the audience. Neither the distinguished chair nor the distinguished panel acknowledged this mob abuse. Her words, “hear what I have to say before you boo me” are a chilling epitaph to democracy that should shame us all.

When former England football captain and football presenter Gary Lineker turned to social media to express sympathy and support for refugees, his humanity was greeted with bile, hatred and gross racism from the vilest of internet trolls. The Murdoch tabloid demanded that he be sacked from his job fronting Match of the Day. This is the same Murdoch tabloid that invented lurid lies over the Hillsborough disaster, hacked the phone of a murdered schoolgirl and until his guilty verdict, employed a deplorable criminal by the name of Mazher Mahmood now banged up in prison where he belongs.

There were two by elections this week, one in Witney and the other in Batley and Spen. One came about because the previous Prime Minister resigned after making a monumental mess of the Remain campaign and, like so many elected representatives guilty of whipping up hatred and exploiting ignorance, lacked the courage to face the consequences and simply ran away. The other by election was necessary because the former MP was murdered by a racist because she expressed sympathy and support for refugees. Labour stood unopposed by other political parties, even UKIP, apart from attention seeking morons and right-wing vermin. Astonishingly, as the new MP paid tribute to Jo Cox, she was heckled by the far right who had not only lost their deposits, but also lost any claim to be a member of the human race.

To top it all, the Tories filibustered the Alan Turing Bill to deny gay men a pardon for breaking laws that no longer exist. Alan Turing reduced the Second World War by two years. If you are looking for treason and treachery, look at 10 Downing Street.

1 Comment »

  1. I could understand the filibuster on the Alan Turing Bill if it was based on the notion that ‘pardon’ was insufficient. It was no such thing.

    As a nation, we have turned into something distasteful. The Christian notions of faith, hope and charity still run deep through our collective psyche, but have somehow got lost by the people who are supposed to represent us.

    I believe that it is still legal to piss in the streets of the City of London proving the words ‘relief, relief, relief’ are exclaimed. Perhaps I will visit and exercise my rights.

    Thanks for the superb post.

    Comment by The Realist — October 24, 2016 @ 11:16 am | Reply

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