The Plastic Hippo

November 19, 2016

Hypocrites in Need

Filed under: Health,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 7:16 am
Tags: , , , , ,
Bling bling

Bling bling

Child poverty has been officially eradicated within the United Kingdom thanks to a caring government that increased the numbers of children in need and then ignored them until they went away. As with any wealthy economy, the waifs and strays should have the aspiration to work hard and look after themselves rather than be reliant on charity and if they cannot survive without hand-outs, the very least they should do is die of neglect as far away as possible from unwarranted publicity.

Now that the big society public has taken on the responsibility of patronising children who happen to be poor or ill, the government needs to re-direct its limited resources to encourage healthy children to donate pocket money, the aged to donate their pension money and guilty people in full and meaningful employment to cough up some dosh to pay for the stuff that government is responsible for but has decided not to pay for. So, on the one day of the year when big business secures some cheap advertising by donating a tiny fraction of profit and rich people announce to the world that they have spent a fortune to have lunch with some minor celebrity and we can all have a jolly good laugh at paying twice for social care, charitable giving needs to be redirected.

Cue grainy, soft focus, monochrome, slow motion footage and a solo piano playing slow, melancholic minor block chords and a simple poignant melody.

For only £369 million, Elizabeth from London could have a roof over her head and somewhere warm and safe to sleep. Other homeless families in Windsor, Kensington, Sandringham and Balmoral also need your help so please make a donation no matter how small.

Amber is only 53 years old and every day is a struggle for her. She has to care for thousands and thousands of drug addicts, murderers and other criminals and just 2,000 additional prison officers would allow her some respite care and a break from the pressure and responsibility that many adults would find difficult to bear. Tragically, Amber also has to make sure that rich, old and dead men are protected from scurrilous claims and outrageous accusations from evil and opportunistic children. A donation to bring an end to the CSA Inquiry would ensure a positive future for countless defence lawyers.

All that Chris ever wanted was a train set. By giving a mere £16billion or £22billion or maybe £32billion – hang on – £42billion, Chris and his friends could travel from London to Birmingham quicker than at present and save a massive 20 minutes on the journey. Once in place, Chris and his friends will donate the train set to a man called Richard Branson.

Jeremy is a child who is unfortunately very sick. All he needs is a decent hospital which has nurses, junior doctors and support staff who are not dropping down dead through fatigue or under the constant barrage of criticism and underfunding from Jeremy. Jeremy is sick and is handing over control to a man called Richard Branson. Please give generously.

Sir Michael likes to dress up as a soldier and march about in his bedroom pretending to be a general. He just needs £25billion or £31billion or maybe £165billion – hang on – £205billion to replace the Trident nuclear deterrent to be aimed at either Moscow or Washington or a bunch of refugees in a rubber boat somewhere off the island of Lesbos.

Boris wants to divert the £350million going to Europe every week to fund the NHS – well, not exactly. Boris is rather disturbed and needs charitable funding to help him with his challenging circumstances. Nigel wants a peerage, Donald wants a wall and Theresa needs new shoes. We can help these poor unfortunates by simply donating money – cheques, credit cards, bank notes (no coins) to Hypocrites in Need. For only one million pounds sterling, a talentless former boy band famous for tax evasion will come and perform at your affordable house just prior to your eviction. With the building of social housing at a 24 year low, there is a creditable estimate that more than 100,000 children in the UK are homeless and hungry. It seems a shame that nobody decided to keep Buckingham Palace maintained and safe over the last 60 years.

Remember that every penny you donate goes straight into the pocket of the government who expect you to fund the support that is usually considered to be the responsibility of government through general taxation. Are you now getting the picture? Maybe not.

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